To think I’m entitled to child maintenance?

[Blondeyoghurt]

Hey all,

I honestly have no idea if I’m wrong or right on this one so please be gentle!

I have a nearly 4 year old with my ex (never married). He’s decided today that when she goes to school, he’s not going to pay the privately agreed child maintenance anymore. He’s told me he’s spoken to CMS and they have informed him that if I put a claim in they would just shut it down straight away, as we share our child 50/50 (this does differ sometimes as he has on call duties in his job, so may have a couple extra days with me or my mum etc).

He’s on an extremely healthy wage (just over double mine), and I am the receiver of child benefit.

I was sure that even with 50/50 custody, he would still have to pay to me - is this wrong?

I have absolutely no idea and I don’t want to cause a stir without knowing exactly where I stand.. the websites aren’t too clear in this instance😭

help please!

the calculator's front page says
"You will not have anything to pay through the Child Maintenance Service if you are:

• sharing care equally with the other parent
• a full-time student with no income
• in prison"

If you're doing 50/50 residency then you need to make sure he's also buying half of her clothes and things. But he's right that he doesn't have to give you money.

The unfortunate answer is you are probably not entitled to anything, but it’s not a definite no, and he’s correct that in instances of 50/50 the online calculators aren’t reliable.

It really does depend on the circumstances case by case when there is 50/50, it may be worth you giving CMS a call yourself to get some proper advice. He will be notified if you put a claim in.

Parents should be providing proportional to their income - that's why CM is a percentage of income not a flat rate. It's a perfectly fair system and one that the CMS is based on.

Just put a claim in. If he has to pay he'll find out. If he doesn't they'll just say they won't process it.

Come on! Who’s buying the clothes, shoes etc? Who’s buying the book bag and sending it along?

If it’s genuinely 50/50 and he provides his own equipment and everything needed then maybe, but many men expect everything packed.

Pit in a claim, it can’t hurt at this point, can it?

Also, don’t allow him to use you as convenient, free, default carer when he’s working unless there is a benefit to you. Make sure the days and times you have your DC give you as much freedom to build a career as they do him.

I don't know the answer but you should also consider all additional costs which I suspect you pay for without thinking about such as school uniform, clothes, shoes, toys, hobbies. If he wants to be a total dick then make sure you tot all of those costs up and demand half. I highly doubt he has clothes stashed at his place that he has paid for to completely clothe your child for the entirety of their stay with him.

When he has your dd, you don't need to provide anything, no clothes, toiletries.
My ex paid me a small amount of maintenance for 4dc, I accepted this as didn't want to fleece the bloke, since I wanted the split. He then started telling me what to send for the kids, I'd told him so many times he had to start providing clothes. He went mad, I also applied cms. he then stopped having them over night as he couldn't afford to clothe them. CMS awarded me 4 times what he was paying. Been separated over 15 years now and he only has to pay for 1 child but I still get a decent amount and he still doesn't have them overnight, infact only the boys see him occasionally.

I'd definitely put the claim in and see what happens. If it comes back that he owes nothing, at least you know?

Beyond that, I would be very clear that he pays full costs for the time she is with him, so e.g. don't send her with any school uniform, spare clothes etc, so he has to buy all of this for her at his house. I wouldn't send toiletries etc, either, so he has to provide all of this.

If possible, any clubs/school trips etc discuss, and ask him to pay 50%.

Any childcare etc that he needs on his days, he pays for. If you pick up extra nights because he is doing shifts etc, keep a record of this, as if you do end up doing more nights, you're more likely to be able to make a claim.

If it’s 50/50 then no he shouldn’t have to pay you anything

He’s correct, you need to make sure her costs are split 50-50 for school uniform etc

But if it's 50/50 why should he?

He is potentially going to be cutting off his nose to spite his face if he insists he won't pay anything. You probably need to have a chat to highlight what everyone is saying about clothing and uniform, and also make it clear that his nights are his nights so he would need to arrange childcare if his shifts change, you will no longer do it. Hopefully he will realise what a prat he is being and you can come to some sort of arrangement without the need for cms.

If he doesn't change his stance then you may as well put a claim in. You literally have £0 to lose by doing so and don't provide any of the freebies you have been.

As long as you both have equal opportunity to work etc. then both parents should be funding themselves surely?

Well yes, but plenty of people think the majority of money should come from the man, heaven knows why

Hmm I found the calculator to be pretty accurate. And definitely put in a claim, try to be as accurate as you can about number of nights your child is in his care. The nights are the important bit in a CMS claim. Most of all though, don’t let this dick push you around.

@Blondeyoghurt
Well then tell him that if he isn’t going to pay maintenance then he will have to pay half the costs. Decide who pays for which clubs and you buy your own clothes and then decide how to handle big ticket items like bikes and things.

Well he has her 50% of the time so that's not nothing is it?

My exH and I share our DD 50/50 but he still gives me a small amount monthly (£130) as I pay for school dinners, swimming lessons, brownies, school uniforms, new shoes and coats, school trips. If there’s a particularly large and unusual cost for something then I ask him for a little more. Tbh it’s more a laziness/lack of organisation on his part than affordability (we both earn a similar amount) so he’s happy to just give me the money if it means I make the arrangements. I also receive the child benefit.

Make sure that you make him pay for 50pc of all.costs.
So if you buy new shoes or uniform etc. The costs are split 50 50!

Yes because that's usually the case. CMS are not that great I've never read or heard of anybody getting CMS with a 50/50 split. Have you?

It's disgusting though he earns double what OP earns. I have to confess that I'm glad I'm not doing a 50/50 split because it is tricky who pays for trips, school uniform, trainees, shoes or whatever. I can absolutely see how not everyone is reasonable about these things.

There’s 50:50 in terms of nights where CM is payable. However, if day-to-day care is equal e.g. taking to appointments, clubs etc. then no CM is payable.

If it’s 50 /50 are you sure he cannot do the same and claim off you

It's disgusting though he earns double what OP earns
Its only disgusting if the OP doesn’t have the same opportunity to work and further her career.

No because OP is in receipt of the child benefit payment so thus is not the 'paying' parent.

That may be how you parent.... but I don't. I want to see my Son has what he needs. I don't have time to be petti or tight fisted with my own child. Each to their own though...