To think I’m entitled to child maintenance?

[Blondeyoghurt]

Hey all,

I honestly have no idea if I’m wrong or right on this one so please be gentle!

I have a nearly 4 year old with my ex (never married). He’s decided today that when she goes to school, he’s not going to pay the privately agreed child maintenance anymore. He’s told me he’s spoken to CMS and they have informed him that if I put a claim in they would just shut it down straight away, as we share our child 50/50 (this does differ sometimes as he has on call duties in his job, so may have a couple extra days with me or my mum etc).

He’s on an extremely healthy wage (just over double mine), and I am the receiver of child benefit.

I was sure that even with 50/50 custody, he would still have to pay to me - is this wrong?

I have absolutely no idea and I don’t want to cause a stir without knowing exactly where I stand.. the websites aren’t too clear in this instance😭

help please!

Stop telling OP to use the calculator please!!

This is what it says.

"You will not have anything to pay through the Child Maintenance Service if you are:

• sharing care equally with the other parent
• a full-time student with no income
• in prison:

The calculator is not designed to be used for 50/50 care

The only way you will know for definite is to put a claim in.

This. Just put the claim in op

Your partner does have some control over this if he pays plus going halves on everything aswell that isn't down to CMS!

This thread just shows how difficult all this is for single parents.

I have full custody of my children (username gives it away) and get no CM at the moment since he stopped paying when he lost his job - case is open with the CMS just now as to what he should be paying if anything. How do people split the costs when doing 50/50? Keep a spreadsheet and running “IOU” total? Get the other parents permission to buy anything as it will be jointly funded? Any what goes on the spreadsheet vs what is a treat by the buying parent and not considered a cost of “maintaining” them? What if parents incomes vary hugely and treats flow freely from one parent and can’t be afforded by the other? Sounds exhausting and really difficult to manage - and the potential source of many arguments and resentments :(.

Tbf if he has them 50% of the time then he is doesn't the other parent have a responsibility to provide

If it's 50:50, of course neither of you is entitled to maintenance!. I suspect at the moment, it's not maintenance you receive. It's just that you split payment childcare fees equally and your ex gives you half so that you can physically pay it altogether, rather than the nursery receiving 2 payments.

OP, I think there are probably two things to consider here:

As everyone says, it's worth checking in directly with CMS and/or making a claim.

But, if he's even vaguelly reasonable, the conversation to be had with him is about why? So I'm guessing he's been paying to contribute to nursery or other childcare fees? Do these miraculously go away when the child goes to school? eg if you do 50/50 but there still needs to be wraparound care is he going to pay 50% of this?

And then, as others have pointed out, if he's not going to pay any child support and he IS going to do 50/50 care, does he fully understand that that is not just rent and food? But also clothes, hobbies, clubs etc? is he paying half of school uniform, half of all other clothing, half of dance/football/piano or whatever extra curricular she signs up for, half for any birthdy presents (for her, or any parties she goes to) etc etc.

And of course, there's a moral element here too - if he accepts he has to pay this stuff, is there anyway he would consider paying these things proportionally? I saw a women on here relatively recently who said they have a joint account for this sort of expense which they can both access to pay for clothes/clubs/activities etc. When it runs out, they both pay in but she pays in less as he earns more. That felt like a really mature and responsible approach to me.

He absolutely doesn't. He's battled and fought CMS for 18mths. And they simply say "she is the primary carer so is entitled" Primary carer is because she claims the Child Benefit and the kids are registered at her address for the GP. He's been in and asked them and they say they can only have one address!

I've listened to the phone calls and read the letters. They aren't interested.

If it's 50/50 he should be getting half of the child benefit!

They don’t pay it 50/50 though. I use it to pay for school lunches/ the inevitable school requests for cash / replacement school ties/ school trips and residential It’s not a lot of money to be fair.

He says, “The calculator is incorrect.” Riiiiight…..😒

Sometimes you do get maintenance with 50/50. It happened to someone I work with.

50/50 custody does not mean you aren’t entitled. CMS is about ensuring that the child has an equal quality of life based on both parents earnings. They absolutely do not expect wealthy life with one and not the other.

The calculator is accurate. File for an official claim, he’s a game player and you’re far better off outsourcing that game.

Wrong.

It’s utterly depressing how few women actually know their children’s rights to financial support. Do yourselves a favour - never ever reply to a post like this.

You’re completely wrong. Do not give advice like this. Ever. It’s not ok.

The calculator doesn't work for 50/50.

Anyhoo, it's based on nights, and in some cases CMS is still payable but generally that's when you go through the courts. Put in a claim via CMS and see what happens? Nothing to lose.

Edited to add, we're 50/50 and I don't receive any CMS.

I have recent experience OP.

50/50 care with ex dh, court ordered. I earn 30k he earns 150k.

CMS have said I'm not entitled to maintenance.

In our case things are definitely NOT split equally. I pay for all school dinners (tried just paying for my time but he was in constant arrears), I provide the majority of clothing, shoes (he's never bought any and would have them walking around in rags tbh). I pay for school trips, clubs, sports, uniforms.

When my kids spend their time with their Dad I can guarantee they text me asking for money in their account for bus fare home, to go out with their friends etc.

He does nothing more really then putting a roof over their head and feeding them in "his" time. His excuse is because I get the child benefit that should cover everything and he doesn't need to do more.

I provided so many receipts to CMS, but it made no difference.

They didnt care about the different incomes in our case, or that day to day costs aren't split fairly. They were only bothered about the court order that says the children "live with" us both.

I got sick of fighting it and gave up.

Wrong. Its everything to do with CMS.

How do people split the costs when doing 50/50? In our case...we discuss anything significant like adults. School costs are given that we'll split, normally I'll pay and text him to transfer the money to me. Clothes, kids are giving a budget to spend and we both contribute equally. What else is there to split?

Treats are treats, they don't have to be matched from parent to parent, just as they wouldn't be if it CMS was payable. That's down to parental choice.

Well if he wants GENUINE 50/50 then ensure it is full 24hr period responsibility for each night... none of this my night doesn't start till 6pm - you can do school pick up / pay after school club. He buys half her uniform. Pays half her clubs, childcare on his days, half of her school costs etc. Nothing he refuses to contribute half to goes to his house.And he also takes days off when she is sick on his days not expecting you to pick that up either. You'll probably find those costs balance out what you would loose.

Court orders can rarely override entitlement. If you’re awarded property or cash sum in lieu of maintenance. If there’s no court order, within 12 months, there’s nearly always maintenance due.

This calculation is based on 50/50 on salary of 150000. The paying parent can challenge in court if they feel it’s unfair. Or even put in their own claim. But to state or even imply that 50/50 means no maintenance is a disservice to women.
Your estimated child maintenance calculation£174.60 a week or £756.02 a month

And what?

I love these posts like "yeah you add up everything and demand half, that'll teach him" ha ha ha!

Let's get real. He'll tell OP to fuck off.

Why on earth do you think people just pay something if it's "demanded."

Yes it does.