To tell my mum she needs to tell me the full story or my cousin will be my MOH

[Asioella]

Hi all,
So I'm getting married next year, I've been back and forth on who will be my MOH between my cousin and a long time friend. My cousin and I grew up together, went to
School together you name it . We drifted around age 16 but message regularly, meet for lunch/brunch once a month or so etc.

My mum is one of 3 sisters, they were all very close, one aunt never had children the other is the mother of my cousin. My aunt who never had children passed away 2 and a bit years ago at just 60. She had married well and made alot of money in her life so her estate was large. Her husband had passed just 16 months earlier and had no relationship with his family. They paid for both my cousins and my education, including uni. They loved us dearly. When she passed her estate which after IHT, gifts to charities and money for friends was left to be equally divided between me and my two cousins. It was no small amount, we have all been able to buy property in London.
My parents were the worst off of the 3 sisters, a modest by nice house, mortgaged but certainly not the freedom the others had.
I believe my mum was expecting her sister's money to be split 50/50 to her and her sister rather than straight to my cousins and I. I think my mum believes that my aunt is the reason this happened and that some persuading may have happened as this split leaves her children much better off and my aunt is mortgage free with a holiday home so has no need for it.
Since my aunt passed my mum and other aunt haven't spoken at all. My mum is furious with her but won't tell me why she thinks persuasion happened and why it matters! My parents don't have much left on their mortgage and I've told them once I've bought somewhere I'll give them as much as I can from my inheritance.
I told my mum yesterday that I might ask my cousin to be my MOH and she told me if that happens she won't come to my wedding. I said I will need more info to make that decision but I love my cousin.

AIBU to think my mum is being a little crazy and unless she can give me more info to have my cousin as my MOH?

Apart from accusing her sister of will interference, everything else you’ve put is just made up.

How is it “made up” that OP’s mother is refusing to attend the wedding if the cousin is maid of honour? That’s literally the entire point of the post!

I can’t imagine a parent seeing their child inheriting money enough to buy a house and being so jealous. Referring to a spending spree and scraps. Pure jealousy.

I find it interesting that this is seen as "being cut out of the will" by some posters. It makes perfect sense to leave to the next generation in these circumstances.

Because you’re filling in the blanks with information that isn’t there on the posts, no-one, even OP really knows why her mum won’t go to the wedding, THAT’s the point of the post as her mum wont talk about it or explain her feelings and motivation.

OP assumes it’s because of the will, and being cut out, but all this jealousy, money grabbing, selfish talk is just the product of reading bits of one thing and bits of another and assuming a narrative based on all of that, as OP has done, you’ve made up a complete backstory for this woman and her motivations and none of that is in OPs posts at all.

I think her mum should go to the wedding, and she’s being unreasonable not to go because of the choice of MOH, but this would be the same if she had fell out with her sister over something else entirely.

Id be gutted to hear someone talking about my mum like this, calling her names and accusing her of all that without knowing the full story.

but you carry on if it makes you happy.

I can’t imagine a parent seeing their child inheriting money enough to buy a house and being so jealous.

This.
If any of my dc were fortunate enough to come into enough money to buy a whole house, I would be thrilled for them.
It wouldn't occur to me to be angry about it. That's just weird.
Nor would I take a penny off them even if they offered (presuming, like the OP's mother, I was very comfortably off myself).
I definitely can't relate to the people suggesting the OP should pay off her mother's mortgage before spending on her own house. What sort of mother would consider taking money from their dc in those circumstances?

@BruFord I’m currently building relationships with my cousins that were previously stymied by our parents. Just because they don’t get on doesn’t mean that we have to continue the rift.

I'm in the same position as you, and in my late 60's I'm sad for all the years of companionship I missed with my only 2 cousins because my dad and his brother never got on. We have found that we have so much in common.Please OP,don't lose that valuable friendship you have with your cousin over this.

Your mum is being so awful.
Every single decision about your wedding should be to please your husband and you.
It's her choice if she doesn't come, what a horrible mum that'd make her!!
She had no right to her sisters money.
Many parents would be happy that their children were taken care of financially, especially considering their own mortgage is close to being paid off!

Here we go again. The old passive aggressive “Well, I’d never dreeeeeeaaam of saying something mean about someone’s mum because I’m so lovely, but you do it if it makes you happy” 🙄🙄🙄

The OP specifically asked for opinions on this situation, which is centred around her mother’s behaviour - so quite why she’d be “gutted” at people expressing negative views is anyone’s guess.

The “no one really knows why” argument could apply to any MN thread. By definition, we only ever hear one side. But I certainly haven’t made anything up, or wasted time arguing about the semantics of whether the OP has already bought her house or if it’s in progress.