Why shouldn’t life be made easier for pregnant women/mothers?

[Duckwithnobill]

Read quite a few threads here lately that have really shown vitriol towards advancements in working conditions, pay and other adaptations that make life easier for pregnant women and women with young children, which is bizarre to say the least on a parenting forum.

A couple of examples being resentment at the increased ability to work from home or more flexibility from employers around attending meetings/commuting in late pregnancy. I’ve seen women that take advantage of these enhancements be labelled as workshy or as the reason women aren’t respected in the workplace. Full disclosure I am pregnant and my employer has been great at accommodating my pregnancy presumably because they want me to return after maternity leave!

Then there’s the whole debate around P&C parking spaces, where some posters seem genuinely angry that there might be small conveniences put in place to make life a little bit easier for parents.

AIBU to find this attitude quite baffling? Surely improvements to the way pregnant women/mothers are treated can only be a good thing? Or should we all just suffer and struggle?

It's not selfish, that poster said she objects to yet MORE special treatment for parents, not that she has a problem with them being helped out to some degree, as they already are A LOT. Childless people get zero help whilst paying for all these kids that will one day (hopefully) pay us back-but lets not pretend it's a favour to us, or that parents selflessly had kids for the benefit of society. Just more examples of that special treatment some parents expect, if we're not constantly grateful for all their sacrifices raising the next generation, we can inevitably expect to have our old age thrown in our faces🙄

I think the objection only comes when the expectations disproportionately affect other people in ways that appear avoidable.

Of course pregnant women must attend medical appointments. But if you work one day a week and every single medical appointment you have falls on that day, then colleagues will start to wonder whether you're taking the piss.

Or saying no when asked to do something that is entirely reasonable will make colleagues wonder whether you're using your pregnancy as an excuse to shirk at other people's expense.

I've been pregnant four times and know what it's like. But you get dickheads in every possible demographic, and 'pregnant women' are not an exception to that undeniable fact.

We have 2 pregnant colleagues, from 9 staff. The work still has to be done when accomodation is made.

The last 3 vacancies were filled with women over 45... so I guess we should be thankful that age related discrimination will reduce a bit more.

Yes, use this trope about your kids cutting the hair/caring for/emptying the bins/ cleaning the sewers for the childless.
Like that is your aspiration for your child.
Stop being so disinfuckinggenuous

My problem is that it makes women the default carers for children.

I want to see time off work for men to accompany their partner to appointments. I want paternity leave to be at least 6 months, on full pay and compulsory.

Move the P and C spaces away from the entrance and the cashpoints at supermarkets. Make a covered walkway so people don't have to push their child in rain.

Obviously there should be accomodations for pregnant women ,as women are the ones who are pregnant.

What kind of help do childless people need? You don’t need children in order to claim benefits.

And who expects you to be grateful because they have kids?

Also yawn at the ‘im paying for your kids!’. Wait until you’re at age and where you need to rely on the state and NHS to care for you. How much do you think adult caters of parents save the taxpayer by doing a lot of the care?

I am increasingly concerned by how society is so child unfriendly. Children in the UK seem to be absolutely despised and dogs are revered. Very odd indeed.

Good old middle aged women being useful when handy when employers want to avoid the child bearers

Why wouldn’t it be someone’s ambition? Not all parents are snobs and someone has to do those jobs.
My ambition for my kids is that they become happy adults. If that means being a bin man then I’m fine with that.
Either way it doesn’t matter or take away from the fact that @GoodnightAdeline is spot on
Inhave no idea why some childless people are completely determined that those with kids are somehow out to get them, when actually literally no one gives a fuck that you’re childless

I want to see time off work for men to accompany their partner to appointments

Why? They can’t be pregnant for them, and are neither use nor ornament at an appointment where a women largely has blood pressure taken and handed a leaflet about breastfeeding.

I think it’s also important to point out that these appointments away from men give HCPs an opportunity to ask women about DV. It may be the only time an abused woman can actually speak out and seek help.

I also find it interesting that the uptake with men for the much fought for shared parental leave is very low. It feels a bit strange that men say they want equality and to help women but so few take it when offered.

Pregnancy isn't an illness although some women are ill while pregnant.

It's important to remember that just because you've chosen to have a child, and that is obviously precious to you, other people haven't made that choice, or aren't able to make that choice. Others end up carrying your workload or being a lower priority for something they don't regard as important to them. Other people have things going on in their lives too, old age, cancer etc

I'm a single mum, worked full time until two weeks before my due date and have always tried to not take advantage. I didn't expect anyone to give up their seat for me on the train although I was always grateful and said thank you if they did.

I think it's the difference between presuming you should be put first, and being appreciative when others chose to offer help.

I think it can come from the shocking amount of entitlement that some women develop once they become pregnant, then have small children.

Like the attitude that pg women and children are little gods and should be lauded and revered to at every moment, and anyone else is a second class citizen.

Really can’t get my head around the psychology of people who search out a site set up to support mums and then use it to slag off the whole concept of motherhood. Fascinating.

We old also be in a slight pickle if everyone had children. Due to overpopulation, overcrowding etc. You don’t want your child to be taught in a class of 50 do you? Making out that those who have children because they want them are doing everyone else a favour and everyone else is some sort of social freeloader is not helpful.

It's important to remember that just because you've chosen to have a child, and that is obviously precious to you, other people haven't made that choice, or aren't able to make that choice. Others end up carrying your workload or being a lower priority for something they don't regard as important to them.

Its neither the fault nor responsibility of pregnant women to organise cover for their maternity leave. If you work in an organistion that doesn’t get adequate cover for people’s leave, blame management not the pregnant women.

And if you have something going on then speak up and tell your bosses! If you have cancer you will get appropriate sick leave.

I genuinely didn’t give a shit what happened with my work either time I had a baby. Wasn’t my problem.

I think it's the difference between presuming you should be put first, and being appreciative when others chose to offer help.

Can I ask what you mean by being ‘put first’. If that means having reasonable adjustments made, and exercising the statutory rights to take time off for appointments - then I absolutely expect to be ‘put first’.

I’m not growing with thanks for my employer executing the statutory law they have to execute 😂😂 I hate the attitude of “Women, say thank you!” For things that are perfectly normal and not in need of thanks for

I’m also fed up of the smarmy “pregnancy is not an illness” posts.

Well duh.

We know this. You know this. Saying this is just a thinly veiled sly way to remind women that they should STFU and be grateful because having the temerity to help continue the human race is revolting and selfish.

Can you give examples of his in the workplace (which is largely what this thread is about)

I understand your point about DV and blood pressure but some women do want their father there.

Also not all pregnancies are straight forward, I have a friend with epilepsy it is vital her husband knew / knows what to do, both generally and when she was pregnant.

She was advised to give birth in a particular hospital that wasn't local.

And I know the take up of paternity leave is crap, that's why it should be compulsory. That takes away the advantage men have by not taking time off.

In which case I’m sure men with decent employers could request to have a half day or day off or even request paid leave to accommodate accompanying their wife. But I don’t think this should be a statutory right. Men aren’t pregnant and therefore don’t need the time off.

Im also surprised so many women are unable to reiterate to their OHs what the MW said to them that day.

Compulsory six months paternity leave?! Not even compulsory maternity leave is that long! Are men getting paid this whole time for that? Because they need to be if it’s compulsory.

Men getting paid for longer than women for taking paternity leave wouldn’t actually surprised me but you just see that’s unfair and ridiculous.

Also not all women want their men hanging around for six months and whilst 2 weeks isn’t enough IMO, six months is way too long. A baby doesn’t need 24 hour care from 2 people at six months unless they have a severe medical need.

Anyway if men want longer paternity leave I’m sure they’re smart enough to lobby and campaign for it. But they dont

Becoming pregnant is not always a choice

What "special treatment " exactly do you think pregnant women/ mothers get at the moment and what does it have to do with choosing to care for elderly relatives? I take it you don't have children from your attitude and you seem bitter about that.

What’s the point? People have done, only to be told that’s their employer’s fault. There’s no examples that you’ll accept as valid.

Well that’s a special circumstance isn’t it. The vast majority of women don’t have factors like that at play. Men having time off for appointments that aren’t even theirs would be a piss take tbh. It would then have to extend to accompanying your other half to appointments in general not just for pregnancy - if they have epilepsy, type 1 diabetes or if you are involved in their care in any way. It would be chaos

This is unbelievable. Having a baby in a pram is a temporary situation. Being in a wheelchair is permanent and it’s not a choice.

I do find your wording goady, because I do think YABU but this is because of your blanket approach.

In my opinion if there is a blanket approach, it will place a higher disadvantage on women.

Individual pregnant women may need extra considerations, accommodations etc. This will vary widely as that is the nature of pregnancy. It will also infuriate those who don't want them, hence the approach must be individual based.

The parent and child parking threads annoys the hell out of me because they are (generally) a courtesy and not equal to a blue badge. And the pure narrow mindedness of if under age X otherwise you are stamping on their "rights".

Honestly, I do wonder if they have a child of x years soon and realise the easiest time to leave a car is when they are a baby and cannot run off ,😉