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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say what instead of pardon?

181 replies

toomanycoffeess · 06/04/2024 19:19

Or is that rude?

OP posts:
Whatifthehokeycokey · 06/04/2024 21:24

If you're not supposed to say 'lounge' or 'living room', what are you supposed to say? PARLOUR??!!

Thomasina79 · 06/04/2024 21:27

toomanycoffeess · 06/04/2024 19:19

Or is that rude?

I think it very rude!

thepastinsidethepresent · 06/04/2024 21:28

Whatifthehokeycokey · 06/04/2024 21:24

If you're not supposed to say 'lounge' or 'living room', what are you supposed to say? PARLOUR??!!

I believe it's 'sitting room', though I say living room.

BobnLen · 06/04/2024 21:30

I say front room but probably because it is at the front, I'm not sure what class that is

Whatifthehokeycokey · 06/04/2024 21:33

thepastinsidethepresent · 06/04/2024 21:28

I believe it's 'sitting room', though I say living room.

Interesting. We have a big, open plan room downstairs that both has sofas in it and also the dining table and chairs. I don't think it could be a sitting room.

quandry77 · 06/04/2024 21:34

BCBird · 06/04/2024 19:33

Working class. Always say pardon. If any pupils say what, I give them 'the look' and it soon becomes pardon😆

Then you are wrong. Only the Queen can give a pardon... and now that would be only the King can give a pardon.... my mother would say.... to ANYONE who "pardoned" her. When my children have (rarely) been corrected by a less educated (or poorly educated) person, I have sent into school a one page copy of the OED stuck into their reading record, with an explainer and a request that if they have an issue with correct English Language usage, they take it up with me. What, or what did you say? Or please repeat that - to a teacher who takes exception to correct EL usage works.

Toottooot · 06/04/2024 21:34

Prefer eh or fit myself. Fit did yi say min?

K0OLA1D · 06/04/2024 21:34

I say sorry? Me, my family and friends say sorry or pardon. Never what.

HollyKnight · 06/04/2024 21:40

I usually say "What was that? I couldn't hear you over my chewing."

Previousreligion · 06/04/2024 21:42

I think "what" is super rude! It doesn't sound UC to me at all, it sounds aggressive and dismissive.
I don't say pardon, and rarely hear it said. I don't mind it though. Never heard it's common!

I, and everyone I know, says "Sorry?" (short for sorry I didn't catch that, could you repeat it) with quizzical expression.

RosesAndHellebores · 06/04/2024 21:49

Oh FFS @quandry77 I just told my children, when they were at state schools in the primary years, that not all teachers were the same class as us and they had to go with the flow. Exceptions have to be made to get the best from people, including teachers. I reserved my correspondence for occasions when my dc were taught the x axis was vertical. That was also the catalyst to remove them from the state system.

Far more shocking things than "pardon".

KickHimInTheCrotch · 06/04/2024 21:51

I say "what", "what did you say", "what was that" etc, same as both my parents but my poor DC have their dad (exDP) and his mum (exMIL) correcting them to say "pardon" all the time. It will probably end up one of those things that they say differently depending on who they're speaking too like true children of a broken home.

RosesAndHellebores · 06/04/2024 21:52

Class is being able to put others at their ease regardless of what one thinks privately.

Carouselfish · 06/04/2024 22:07

Pardon definitely common.

YoureALizardHarry11 · 06/04/2024 22:12

I find saying ‘’what, sorry?’’ In a light tone is sufficient. It comes across more polite than just ‘’What!?’’ As it can come across aggressive on its own, same as ‘’pardon!?’’ It’s how you phrase things, not what you say in itself.

sunflowerdaisyrose · 06/04/2024 22:25

I say 'sorry?' My children say 'sorry?' or 'pardon' (learnt at school). I pull them up for saying 'what?' though, it sounds rife to me.

sunflowerdaisyrose · 06/04/2024 22:25

Rude, not rife!

Jeannie88 · 06/04/2024 22:31

Pardon or sorry I didn't hear that are among polite responses. What isn't at all. When my dc says it I tell them to be polite. X

BobbyBiscuits · 06/04/2024 22:31

If I don't hear someone I usually say 'sorry, I didn't catch that/ could you say that again' if I didn't hear. If it's just to move then I always say sorry or excuse me.
My mum has taken to bellowing 'whaaattt??' and I told her she sounded like Camilla parker bowls harassing her slaves, lol.

RoseAylingEllisFanClub · 06/04/2024 22:34

I find both ‘What?’ and ‘Pardon?’ rude. The former can come across as abrupt, and the latter has overtones of taking umbrage, as in ‘I beg your pardon - I can’t believe you said that?!’ So both are rude, I think, especially as hearing people tend not to say either with an enquiring expression, which softens both. Deaf people will always use that enquiring expression to seek clarification, and it just seems more polite and less ambiguous generally.

I have different strategies in different circumstances. As a deaf person, I usually say ‘What was that again?’, ‘I didn’t catch that?’ or repeat up to the point I got lost, eg the last term in a list, or ‘Johnny went to where on holiday?’ so the person (a) knows the thing I had difficulty with, and (b) doesn’t have to repeat the whole shebang again, just from that point onwards, and it keeps the conversation flowing.

I might say say ‘Sorry?’, among friends of family, but elsewhere I won’t use it, though I know it’s quite a neat and polite shorthand overcoming the binary choice between ‘What?’ and ‘Pardon?’

Why that is depends on context: if I’m networking or something, it might be the first time I’ve met that person. I might have to explain, ‘I didn’t catch how long you’ve been working at XYZ, I’m deaf by the way,’ because (a) ‘I’m sorry, I’m deaf’ can sound as if you’re apologising for being deaf, and I’m not apologising for an intrinsic fact about myself; and (b) the last thing I want is for people to get flustered or give up talking to me or start to ask me questions about being deaf or the whole gamut of reactions I’ve had from a lifetime of telling people that I’m deaf.

Similarly, if I didn’t catch what the checkout lady has said at the supermarket, because they’ve changed their usual spiel, or she’s talking at the pad or while scanning, not looking at me, or this particular lady is nice and chatty and making conversation, I’ll just say, ‘What was that?’ with an enquiring expression. I don’t need to tell her I’m deaf, we both just want to get through the process efficiently. I notice more retail staff have had deaf awareness training, and they’ll make eye contact and repeat or sign ‘Thank you’ at the end of the transaction.

In other languages I might have to convey the fact I’m deaf first and ask them to repeat, and that’s where the enquiring expression comes in very handy as it seems to be universally polite: it conveys that I’m not misunderstanding you because I’m English per se, I didn’t get what you said because I’m a deaf person who doesn’t lipread your language at that speed particularly well! Making that effort in the local language is generally received well.

PlasticOno · 06/04/2024 22:38

These threads are always funny because social class is so ingrained into the British psyche that they assume the more UC the person, the more polite the register. This is an instance where people’s instincts that ‘posh=good’ and ‘lower down the social scale=less good’ clash with their instinct towards indirectness.

SallyWD · 06/04/2024 22:40

I never say pardon. Usually "Sorry?" or "I didn't hear that"

WeAreBorg · 06/04/2024 22:42

I say “YER WHAT” in an aggressive tone or “say again” in a slightly less aggressive tone. I believe this is culturally and regionally appropriate

mdinbc · 06/04/2024 22:54

In the case of not hearing someone, I was taught to say 'pardon?' I tend to fall into saying 'what?' or 'sorry?' at home though.

In the case of bumping into someone, then it's 'pardon me', as in please forgive me.

NewMoonontuesday · 06/04/2024 23:09

I hate the fucking word loo! So what are you supposed to say instead of lounge? Sitting room?
But I’m WC and I’m quite happy with that. Certainly don’t want to be a snobby MC.