Should mum pay for the granny annexe?

[MooMa83]

Posting here for traffic. We're thinking of proposing that my mum move in with us. She's in her early 80's and starting to struggle but lives 200 miles away. I have 2 siblings that live locally to her but they can't/won't help out much. We already have a converted garage that is a bedroom and ensuite, but would want to do a small extension to give her her own living area with kitchenette. My mum currently owns her own house outright in an expensive city. The extension would improve our property so we would contribute, but is is fair that she also contributes? Do I suggest that this is deducted from my portion of inheritance? It would be great to hear if anyone has done similar and how they worked it out.

You pay for it and she pays you rent.

No experience but in my mind to avoid issues with siblings I would pay for the extension myself and then get parent to pay a fair rent.

Yes I agree with pp, you pay she pays rent. Then siblings can’t get upset about it, but she’s contributing going forwards.

It could get complicated if she's contributed to actual building costs. The annexe is your property, so it could be used by your mum, then another tenant. Keep it that you recoup the cost of the extension with rental payments that could be lower than market rate if you can afford it.

What happens if she requires nursing care and she owns part of your home ie the extension?

Is your mum of sound mind? Speak to her. I think she should pay. It's not like you need an extra kitchen and bathroom. I've known lots of people sell their property and go in on a bigger property with their dc. The money would disappear with care fees anyway.

It's quite an undertaking for you. Will your siblings help at all?

I think if she did go into a home eventually they would want to see where her house proceeds have gone.

Pay for it yourself.

I wouldn't charge rent to her as such. Just maybe a contribution to utilities. She'd be getting cold weather payments etc which could be used.

Then she can sell her house and use it for care if needed and then split the inheritance equally if there's any left.

What an undertaking . Your DM is quite happy to do this to you?
Can't she move closer and buy in help? I've seen this situation unravel with a couple of friends and they both ended up with bitter regrets on antidepressants.

It's your house so you should be paying for any work or upgrades to it.

But I'd think long and hard about having an elderly parent moving in with you full-time. Are you willing and able to provide care for her? If not, are you happy with carers coming in multiple times a day?

The main issues I think are her estate having a claim in your assets - whether that is in terms of needing care in old age or after she eventually passes away - so you would want professional legal and financial advice before proceeding.

But no, you should not be out of pocket for helping your dm

This will be the cleanest way.
set the rent at highest reasonable rate so you recoup the outlay in shortest time frame (inc interest on any loans if needed / agreed)
After that charge for utilities and food shopping and sundries.

If she pays for the extension things can get quite messy.

In situations like this its common for siblings to announce that "recollections vary" when she eventually passes and thing can get ugly quickly. It's best to ensure its as clean and transparent as possible.

I think you approach it from an angle of "we would love you have you live with us but unfortunately we cannot fund further building works" and let her decide if it's worth the money to her to pay for it.

You may need legal advice in case it comes under inheritance within a certain period of her death (sorry to upset you and I genuinely dont know if gifts come under this or how to protect yourselves if it does).

The important thing is that it has to be her decision to want an annexe and to want to pay for it. If you arent comfortable having her move in without this she doesnt move in.

I think she should pay as she will have cash on the hip and the benefit of living with family support.

IMO, in moral terms inheritance isn't due until her life is over so this cost is not early inheritance, it is an ongoing cost of living. She will be saving in tv licence, council tax, supported living etc. So morally she should pay so you just need the legal cover.

Surely this is helping your siblings as you are taking on the responsibility of looking after your mother? This would reduce l any care costs until eg she needed to go into a home.

I think she should pay, and the will can be adjusted accordingly eg you get half of the amount deducted and ‘keep’ the rest. I’d be fine/pleased with this if my sibling did this. You all just need to agree this upfront.

I think she would be better staying in her own home and getting carers in to help out. I don't think granny annexes are ideal. But if you do decide on this then I think she should pay towards it as presumably she will be selling her house. I don't agree with charging rent.

How long do you imagine selling your dm's house, finding an architect, approving plans, getting planning, finding a builder and getting on their waiting list etc etc etc will take?
It's harsh, but this could take a couple of years and the care needs of someone in their 80's can change an awful lot.
Is there room in the garage conversion for a small kitchen pod in one corner so your mum can make drinks and light meals? It would speed up the whole process and mean she could get the best of you company now rather than at the end of a potentially stressful process.

As a more positive voice, I think this is a wonderful thing you are doing for your mum and assume you are going in with your eyes open regarding future care requirements. I would advise you pay for it yourself and your mum contributes to the bills, as it will be adding value to your property and therefore could get a bit messy regarding inheritance split in the future.

I am in the process of buying a house with my parents which has a separate dwelling for them giving them their own space, much like a separate flat. I have a family with young children too, we are very close and I'm fully aware that future caring responsibilities will come to me but we've had very open and honest conversations about this, I think communication is key and you have to discuss money/health and any other potential problems up front.

We have DM moving in this year. She has some savings and will be paying to have the en suite converted, basically an accessible shower and moving the loo to make way for it. We are decorating and having new carpets but these will enhance our home, so she’s not paying for those. She will buy her own blinds and bed linen and bring her own furniture.
We are charging her £500 rent pcm.
If she goes to stay with one of my siblings then I will send £100 pw to them for her keep.
If she needs a stairlift or other mods for accessibility she will pay for those herself.

Unless your mum has expressed this idea to you it may take her by surprise. Can't your mum get carers in? What exactly is she struggling with? Looking after someone is a HUGE task it's a full time job.

She will be saving in tv licence, council tax, supported living etc.

She will still need to pay for TV licence and council tax, as the annex will be a separate abode to the main house (assuming own entrance).

Hi. We went there a few years ago and it all ended horribly. In our situation, mum gave us money for her annexe and we wish we'd not accepted it.
Looking back we should have put a formal (if not legal) agreement in place to discuss eventualities eg

• if mum wants to move out/ we want her to move out - she should get her money back plus interest
• roles and responsibilities - who pays for upgrades to the annexe when needed eg a handrail etc to make it old-people friendly? What happens if the roof falls down?

-bills - who pays for what?

• expectations of care as she grows older. You'll sleep walk into a situation where you're providing more and more daily care as your siblings don't want it to come out of "their" inheritance. Every birthday, Xmas etc you'll be the default.

Wow!
Maybe this is a cultural clash, but this seems so cold.

The question of who pays I think it’s fair your mum contributes tbh. But do you want to commit to looking after her? People get old in the blink of an eye, when she needs more care could you provide it, or would that then need to be paid out of the siblings inheritance shares?

I had an annex built for my parents. I paid for the building costs as my parents rented their own home and had no cash available. They then paid me " rent" which just about covered the cost of the second mortgage I had to take out to pay for the annex. Once it was paid off, then they just paid a contribution towards the running costs.

This is not true. My LA give a 100% exemption on an annexe used by an elderly relative for CT

Take some legal advice. What happens if she needs to go into care - would you be forced to sell up as it could be looked at as deprivation of assets?

Have you been a carer for an elderly person already? Take a look on the Elderly Parents board to get an idea what you could be letting yourself in for. It's a massive commitment. She might be independent at the moment and able to cook, wash for herself but at some point she probably won't be able to. Who will wash her clothes, wash her, cook her meals, make cups of tea, provide companionship, take her to appointments, clean this annexe.

Finally, as a child who grew up in this sort of set up, there is no way I'd do it to my own child. It affects everything you do as a family - so most trips, meal or activities out suddenly had to include a fairly immobile elderly person who didn't want to be left home alone. Holidays could only be taken somewhere it was easy to get back quickly, so we only went away within a few hours' drive. Eventually somebody had to stay back with her so we couldn't even holiday as a family again.