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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should mum pay for the granny annexe?

112 replies

MooMa83 · 06/04/2024 07:48

Posting here for traffic. We're thinking of proposing that my mum move in with us. She's in her early 80's and starting to struggle but lives 200 miles away. I have 2 siblings that live locally to her but they can't/won't help out much. We already have a converted garage that is a bedroom and ensuite, but would want to do a small extension to give her her own living area with kitchenette. My mum currently owns her own house outright in an expensive city. The extension would improve our property so we would contribute, but is is fair that she also contributes? Do I suggest that this is deducted from my portion of inheritance? It would be great to hear if anyone has done similar and how they worked it out.

OP posts:

BoudiccaOfSuburbia · 06/04/2024 16:26

Ozanj · 06/04/2024 15:36

She’s early 80s. How does her own seperate kitchenette benefit her as opposed to using your kitchen?

My Mum cooked for her and Dad til she was 90, and would have wanted her own kitchen as her domain

Original poster

MooMa83 · 06/04/2024 16:53

samarrange · 06/04/2024 13:56

Is the question of paying mostly to do with the principle, or is there also a cash flow issue (that is, paying for the conversion/addition work will impact your daily finances)?

Also, is there an alternative where your Mum sells her house and buys a flat in the same town as you? That way you can help her out but she's not "around" all day. (Realistically, once she moves into the granny annexe she isn't going to be going back to her house, so you will need a plan for that anyway, and she might prefer to sell it rather than leave it empty or rent it out.)

If she is fully compos mentis then she should probably be at the heart of all of these discussions. I hope when my time comes that DCs will not be planning what they think is best for me without considering all the possible scenarios and discussing them with me, although of course it can be hard to convince people that they are in decline.

PS: If you do go for the separate flat option, be careful about buying one in a "retirement flats" building. We did that with DM and it was not great, because the management of such a building has little incentive to provide good value for money for the monthly charges as the residents are unlikely to get very militant. About all DM ended up with as a benefit of that building was emergency pull cords, but otherwise she was basically getting ripped off on the charges.

Edited

@samarrange we can fund the works but it would impact our finances and my long term work plans. Mum is compus mentis and would be at the heart of any decision of course..I just want to think through the practicalities and know what options I'm proposing. There is the option of her downsizing near to us, but I would like her to be part of our family unit... ultimately up to Mum. She has said recently that she isn't keen on sheltered housing or retirement properties as they're full of old people 🙄.

OP posts:

Winter2020 · 06/04/2024 16:57

BoudiccaOfSuburbia · 06/04/2024 15:40

In our family she would give you the money for the extension and then live in it. And the siblings would be grateful, recognise the excellent solution this offers, and that it does not actually disadvantage them in the long run / the bigger picture because if not spent on the extension far more money would have been spent on more care, earlier.

I would not enter into any sort of co-ownership, nor spend your own money on work for an extension you might otherwise not want and might not increase the value of the house to the cost of building

Rent will be taxed over a certain amount but could be the way forward if your siblings are that way inclined. Just means your Mum spends rent rather than build costs.

The rent a room scheme would let you charge up to £7,500 a year without tax implications.
https://www.gov.uk/rent-room-in-your-home/the-rent-a-room-scheme

Rent a room in your home

Renting a room in your home out - Rent a Room Scheme, types of tenancy or licence, rent, bills, tax and ending a letting

https://www.gov.uk/rent-room-in-your-home/the-rent-a-room-scheme

Original poster

MooMa83 · 06/04/2024 17:02

Ozanj · 06/04/2024 15:36

She’s early 80s. How does her own seperate kitchenette benefit her as opposed to using your kitchen?

She is still very independent and I am envisaging would like to make her own cup of tea, breakfast and lunches etc. But likely to have main meal with us, or for us to provide this for her to eat in her own living area if she wants her own space. I'm thinking kettle, microwave, small fridge, sink and a few cupboards.

OP posts:

caringcarer · 06/04/2024 17:16

cuckyplunt · 06/04/2024 08:14

We have DM moving in this year. She has some savings and will be paying to have the en suite converted, basically an accessible shower and moving the loo to make way for it. We are decorating and having new carpets but these will enhance our home, so she’s not paying for those. She will buy her own blinds and bed linen and bring her own furniture.
We are charging her £500 rent pcm.
If she goes to stay with one of my siblings then I will send £100 pw to them for her keep.
If she needs a stairlift or other mods for accessibility she will pay for those herself.

If you will be charging you Mum £500 pcm why would you only send £400 pcm to one of your siblings. Why won't they get £500 you get?

ZekeZeke · 06/04/2024 17:18

She is still very independent

At this present moment in time.
Sheis getting older, you are getting older. Her needs WILL increase.

Ineedanewsofa · 06/04/2024 17:24

Sounds like a lot of variation between councils - my elderly parents live with us in an annexe, they have their own front door and kitchen, pay no council tax because they have a category W exemption. The annexe already existed however they have spent a fair amount of money (from their house sale) on improvements, they pay a monthly contribution to bills but nothing else.
I’m not overly concerned about depravation of assets if care is required as they have kept money back for this - although I accept it might not be enough! Sibling totally on board with the arrangement, parents gave them money many years ago to buy their ex out of a property and is grateful that we are taking the brunt of the “keeping an eye on them”.

TheSnowyOwl · 06/04/2024 17:25

Does your mum actually want to move in with you?

Don't underestimate how disorienting some older people can find moving and how not having the same daily tasks to do means they lose the confidence and ability to do so.

Presumably it’s not just two children but all her friends, familiarity and social life you are expecting her to walk away from. That’s a big ask and you need to make sure you are offering the equivalent in importance to her.

Londonrach1 · 06/04/2024 17:28

Just be careful as if she dies within 7 years you might have to sell your house for the inheritance tax bill. Suggest you pay and she pays rent.

Roryhon · 06/04/2024 17:35

I currently care for my mother in her own house but I’m hoping we can convert a corner of our house that we’re renovating so that she has a separate wing for herself. We’re doing the house up ourselves, but will use her money to put a suitable bathroom in for her - and we’ll probably pay to change it to something that we like in the future. At the moment she’s paying me 1/2 if what her carers used to cost and she pays for 1/4 of the shopping. We’ll probably add in 1/3 of bills when she moves in.

fieldsofbutterflies · 06/04/2024 17:38

Don't underestimate how disorienting some older people can find moving and how not having the same daily tasks to do means they lose the confidence and ability to do so.

100%. Routine and keeping as mobile/active as possible is so important. How much will she be able to do day-to-day if you're all out at work/school?

makeanddo · 06/04/2024 18:02

Obvs get advice but I would make sure that you're covered re deprivation of assets. Surely this is actually a good way of passing assets on to children,

She pays you the going rate in rent, for a cleaner, all her food etc and you also 'charge' for being her carer. Who are the council to say that you shouldn't be paid to for caring for her, it's no different to paying some awful care home.

Councils can't have it all ways - if they can't provide care at home then whoever is caring can get paid.

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