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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being given raw broad beans to eat....

85 replies

Ilivetosleep · 05/04/2024 22:13

I've had an experience today that I am genuinely perplexed by and I want to see if people think I have been unreasonable. Its quite long and I'm tired. But I will shorten the story as much as I can. We have travelled abroad for a major family holiday (think big 50th). All the inlaws including us. We stayed one night at MIL & FIL house as our flight came in really late. MIL kindly cooked the kids a meal they requested which was very carb heavy. All their meals are like this TBH. But as we were going to air bnb later I just agreed to eat this. I have a gastric ulcer meaning I have to really restrict my diet. Anyway went off to the air bnb but it hadn't been cleaned and we complained. They agreed to sort the flat and we returned to MIL house. Again she had cooked a very carb heavy meal.

Next day DH wanted to stay and have lunch there before we go back to the air bnb. Again they cooked a very carb heavy meal. I really don't want to be rude as I know they have let us stay with them. But by this point I've got serious gastric reflux and feel awful. I said to Dh maybe we can buy some cooked chicken and I can have this with salad and he agrees but he goes to 2 markets and finds none.

So again we sit down to eat. I have said nothing about not eating the food. I decided to just shut up and eat a little and not be impolite. MIlL starts to dish up the food. Then DH goes oh she can't eat that. MIL gets all flustered and asks me why didnt tell her I was on a diet and she could have cooked some beans and salad. She offers to cut me up carrot sticks.... so I say. Its fine there's no need to fuss. I will eat what I have. Then my FIL goes into the fridge and picks up a bag of raw unpeeled and unprepared Broad beans and puts these in front of me. I was so shocked. I got really embarrassed and said that I am OK. And thanked her for the meal and left the table.

Afterwards
Dh had a massive go at me that I am always disrespecting his family and I was so rude to his parents.

quick add..... its really hard telling FIL/MIL that I don't want to /can't eat their food as their entire days is focused ocooking g for the family. Today they had a major argument over it proper shouting and screaming at each other. They also do not know about my ulcer as I am waiting for a operation and if they know they would talk about it all the time. And I don't want them to do this ad I was hospitalised and the kids were very scared. They would speak about this information of the kids.
.

OP posts:
Popchippps · 05/04/2024 22:17

So your dh told them you had a gastric ulcer so needed to eat x,y,z type food and they served you food you can’t eat?

or no one told them and their mind reading abilities failed and they served unsuitable food?

Edit can’t see you didn’t tell them about the ulcer 🙄

Original poster
Ilivetosleep · 05/04/2024 22:20

Dh didn't tell them I have an ulcer. I told him I would eat what they serve and thats fine. DH started to tell them I can't this food. They got annoyed that they thought I was on a diet and FIL gets raw beans out the fridge and places the whole bag in front of me and tells me to eat this instead.

OP posts:
LaMarschallin · 05/04/2024 22:21

(think big 50th)

Is it a big 60th?

somptuosité · 05/04/2024 22:22

I sort of understand your frustration but you also come across as the sort of person that I would clash with.

I don’t think your FIL meant to be rude. He may eat raw green beans, many people do.

If it were me (knowing their diet disagrees with you) I would have made sure I said I’m on a diet and bought my own food.

Edited, I just read you think FIL did the green bean offer incredulously. If this is the case, FIL was childish. But tbh the entire few days of enduring an upset stomach was so unnecessary imo.

Original poster
Ilivetosleep · 05/04/2024 22:22

LaMarschallin · 05/04/2024 22:21

(think big 50th)

Is it a big 60th?

No. Why?

OP posts:
crackofdoom · 05/04/2024 22:22

Ummmm....was this Italy or another S. Mediterranean country by any chance?? Just that it all sounds very familiar.

If so, the argument between FIL and MIL probably wasn't that bad. And you have to use your words and ask for what you need quite assertively.

DH should have stuck up for you though.

Original poster
Ilivetosleep · 05/04/2024 22:25

somptuosité · 05/04/2024 22:22

I sort of understand your frustration but you also come across as the sort of person that I would clash with.

I don’t think your FIL meant to be rude. He may eat raw green beans, many people do.

If it were me (knowing their diet disagrees with you) I would have made sure I said I’m on a diet and bought my own food.

Edited, I just read you think FIL did the green bean offer incredulously. If this is the case, FIL was childish. But tbh the entire few days of enduring an upset stomach was so unnecessary imo.

Edited

Thanks for your response. He has never in the 30 years I've been with DH has eaten raw beans. The reason I didn't say wnythi g is because we were only meant to be staying rhe one night. And I really don't want them to know about my health problems.

OP posts:
crackofdoom · 05/04/2024 22:25

Just read your update. You shouldn't have said you'd eat what they served and then refused what they served!!

Equally, your DH should have mentioned the ulcer to them.

PrincessTeaSet · 05/04/2024 22:26

somptuosité · 05/04/2024 22:22

I sort of understand your frustration but you also come across as the sort of person that I would clash with.

I don’t think your FIL meant to be rude. He may eat raw green beans, many people do.

If it were me (knowing their diet disagrees with you) I would have made sure I said I’m on a diet and bought my own food.

Edited, I just read you think FIL did the green bean offer incredulously. If this is the case, FIL was childish. But tbh the entire few days of enduring an upset stomach was so unnecessary imo.

Edited

Oh come on no one eats raw broad beans still in the pod. It would be like giving the op a whole raw onion or an unopened tin of lentils. OP hadn't even asked for anything. It was very rude of the fil especially as he wasn't even the one who was in charge of cooking. The husband sounds quite rubbish here, causing problems then blaming op.

Original poster
Ilivetosleep · 05/04/2024 22:28

crackofdoom · 05/04/2024 22:25

Just read your update. You shouldn't have said you'd eat what they served and then refused what they served!!

Equally, your DH should have mentioned the ulcer to them.

I didn't refuse their foot at all. I sat down to eat with them. I didn't say or refuse anything. DH did without my knowledge. But they way he went about it was they were serving me up too much food and they then presumed I was on a diet. Which I'm not.

Yes Mediterranean country.

In reference to thier food cooking argument. It was pretty bad. To the point where I had to get in the middle of it as I genuinely thought FIL was gonna throw the boiling sauce all over MiL.

OP posts:
LaMarschallin · 05/04/2024 22:28

Ilivetosleep

No. Why?

Because when someone posts "Think X" I always assume it's something a bit like X, but not actually X itself.
Still. Probably not relevant anyway to the broad beans under discussion.

betterangels · 05/04/2024 22:28

She offered to do something else. You declined. FIL probably overreacted. All this could have been avoided if you'd taken food or told them what you can eat. Seems your MIL would have made you something. DH needs to chill.

PrincessTeaSet · 05/04/2024 22:29

crackofdoom · 05/04/2024 22:25

Just read your update. You shouldn't have said you'd eat what they served and then refused what they served!!

Equally, your DH should have mentioned the ulcer to them.

The OP didn't refuse to eat what they had served.. why is reading comprehension so bad on MN??

ChardonnaysBeastlyCat · 05/04/2024 22:30

Well, if you don’t know then to know about your health problems and if you tell them you are happy to eat anything them what exactly to you expect them to do to accommodate you?

NerdWhoEatsMedlar · 05/04/2024 22:33

Know I am being a prat, but where the feck are broad beans in season this early in the year?

titchy · 05/04/2024 22:33

Well your FIL was rather passive-aggressive yes, but your DH was an arsehole. Out of nowhere saying you couldn't eat something when you'd already said you'll grin and bear it, then blaming you for his parents feeling uncomfortable. He caused this.

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 05/04/2024 22:34

You don't have to tell them about the ulcer, just "the doctor has put me on a special diet so please don't cook for me I'll get something at the shop"

Original poster
Ilivetosleep · 05/04/2024 22:35

Clearly people on MN have misinterpreted what I am asking for an AIBU.

I didn't expect anyone to cater to my food needs. I have not posted that anywhere.

I know what they are like and how they take huge offence to anyone not eating the food they prepare. So knowing this I didn't say anything and planned to just have a few mouth fulls and loads of salad. I get on well with them and never had any disagreements.

It was DH who really caused this issue as he told MIL she has cut me too big piece of the food. When I didn't ask him to say anything.

My AIBU is why would my FIL give me a bag of raw unwashed and unprepared Broad beans when he thought I was on a diet.

OP posts:
crackofdoom · 05/04/2024 22:37

Actually that's true, it was DH sticking his oar in that made everything so much worse.

I get that it's uncomfortable, I used to find myself in similar situations when I lived in Italy/ Greece, and so did English friends. (I learnt, eventually, and for a while when I came back to England I would frighten people with my loudness and vehemence until I readapted 😆) They would have been expecting you to be far more assertive about what you wanted.

Allowballow · 05/04/2024 22:38

I come from a Mediterranean country and eating raw broad beans is very common. Typically you get a pile of unprepared pods and you work your way through them (ie peeling them then eating them etc etc similar to what you might do with fresh peas) whilst having a chat etc. So it might be very normal for them.

ChardonnaysBeastlyCat · 05/04/2024 22:38

Ilivetosleep · 05/04/2024 22:35

Clearly people on MN have misinterpreted what I am asking for an AIBU.

I didn't expect anyone to cater to my food needs. I have not posted that anywhere.

I know what they are like and how they take huge offence to anyone not eating the food they prepare. So knowing this I didn't say anything and planned to just have a few mouth fulls and loads of salad. I get on well with them and never had any disagreements.

It was DH who really caused this issue as he told MIL she has cut me too big piece of the food. When I didn't ask him to say anything.

My AIBU is why would my FIL give me a bag of raw unwashed and unprepared Broad beans when he thought I was on a diet.

Because he doesn't seem to like you very much.

Allowballow · 05/04/2024 22:40

ChardonnaysBeastlyCat · 05/04/2024 22:38

Because he doesn't seem to like you very much.

Show quote history

Or because it is a normal thing for him (as it was for me growing up and anyone I know).

Original poster
Ilivetosleep · 05/04/2024 22:40

I think being assertive about my food needs would have been far more worse.

It caused a huge argument with DH. Whereby I said how would he like someone putting raw chicken in front of him at a table of he couldn't eat what they prepared. Dh said he didn't give you raw chicken.

They always have extended family for lunch/dinner most days and the cooking is the focus of the day for them. It is delicious what they cook. I wish I could have eaten it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ilivetosleep · 05/04/2024 22:41

Allowballow · 05/04/2024 22:38

I come from a Mediterranean country and eating raw broad beans is very common. Typically you get a pile of unprepared pods and you work your way through them (ie peeling them then eating them etc etc similar to what you might do with fresh peas) whilst having a chat etc. So it might be very normal for them.

Edited

Yes. I know this. I am also from the same county as DH and when we grew up we did this. However not in the middle of having dinner.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ilivetosleep · 05/04/2024 22:42

Maybe he doesn't like me. I don't know. He's never given the suggestion he dislikes me. Buy it could be this.

OP posts: