Being given raw broad beans to eat....

[Ilivetosleep]

I've had an experience today that I am genuinely perplexed by and I want to see if people think I have been unreasonable. Its quite long and I'm tired. But I will shorten the story as much as I can. We have travelled abroad for a major family holiday (think big 50th). All the inlaws including us. We stayed one night at MIL & FIL house as our flight came in really late. MIL kindly cooked the kids a meal they requested which was very carb heavy. All their meals are like this TBH. But as we were going to air bnb later I just agreed to eat this. I have a gastric ulcer meaning I have to really restrict my diet. Anyway went off to the air bnb but it hadn't been cleaned and we complained. They agreed to sort the flat and we returned to MIL house. Again she had cooked a very carb heavy meal.

Next day DH wanted to stay and have lunch there before we go back to the air bnb. Again they cooked a very carb heavy meal. I really don't want to be rude as I know they have let us stay with them. But by this point I've got serious gastric reflux and feel awful. I said to Dh maybe we can buy some cooked chicken and I can have this with salad and he agrees but he goes to 2 markets and finds none.

So again we sit down to eat. I have said nothing about not eating the food. I decided to just shut up and eat a little and not be impolite. MIlL starts to dish up the food. Then DH goes oh she can't eat that. MIL gets all flustered and asks me why didnt tell her I was on a diet and she could have cooked some beans and salad. She offers to cut me up carrot sticks.... so I say. Its fine there's no need to fuss. I will eat what I have. Then my FIL goes into the fridge and picks up a bag of raw unpeeled and unprepared Broad beans and puts these in front of me. I was so shocked. I got really embarrassed and said that I am OK. And thanked her for the meal and left the table.

Afterwards
Dh had a massive go at me that I am always disrespecting his family and I was so rude to his parents.

quick add..... its really hard telling FIL/MIL that I don't want to /can't eat their food as their entire days is focused ocooking g for the family. Today they had a major argument over it proper shouting and screaming at each other. They also do not know about my ulcer as I am waiting for a operation and if they know they would talk about it all the time. And I don't want them to do this ad I was hospitalised and the kids were very scared. They would speak about this information of the kids.
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yes they do. They are lovely when small and eaten whole in the pod. With it being Mediterranean and they are an early crop, my first thought was had they grown them

They are not in the UK, they are in a Mediterranean country, so the seasons will be different for broad beans.

I didn't expect anyone to cater to my food needs. I have not posted that anywhere

You can't fuck around with ulcers out of politeness though OP. Speak to get your needs met.

Your FIL sounds like a bit of a twat. I probably won't be visiting with husband again for a bit if you're not able to express what your needs are. For your own sake.

YABU to expect them to understand if they don’t know about your operation, are older and clearly from a different culture.

YANBU not to eat what they cook if it makes you ill. The beans thing was weird but I think they can be eaten raw, so not necessarily intended as a huge insult.

This is a cultural problem, I had an ex from Macedonia and over there people often ate raw beans and also they ate onions like apples.

I think you have created this situation. Why didn't you email before your flight and tell them "hey I'm actually sick with an ulcrr right now so although you know I love your food and you are making your delicious carbon feast for the kids, can you help me out?! I need to be eating really non carbby stuff over the next few days".

Also your husband knew you were suffering and you sent him out to get chicken, he came back empty handed. How unimaginative is he? That's ridiculous.

You are misdirecting your anger

My uncle always said an ulcer isn’t from what you are eating, it’s about what’s eating you.

You have tied yourself in knots with all of this. You could tell them you have stomach issues in an easy way like you would tell a child, no need to mention a surgery or anything at all and it would smooth it over. They will all calm down.

Good luck.

Or a Mediterranean country in broad bean season.

The OP says both she and her husband are from the same country.

Need to know what the carb heavy meals are.

What do you actually want to eat? Presumably not chicken for breakfast, lunch and dinner?😕

I could understand not talking about your ulcer if it didn’t seem relevant. But you were visit family in a place that reads like it’s a very ‘food is love’ country. So you knew you’d be fed well and often, and you knew it would have an effect on your health. It was on you to be clear about this.

So the beans were not that off, really? No more than raw carrot sticks.

I'm guessing pasta because sauce was also involved.

This was such an unnecessary situation.

OP has an ulcer and can't eat certain foods
Ends up at the in-laws for lunch
Carbs are served
Husband tells in-laws she can't eat the carbs, not because of her stomach issue but because she's on a diet
In laws offer vegetables (carrot sticks, broad beans)
WW3 ensues

They are all from the same country (OP has said) and also says she knows about the tradition of eating raw broad beans in raw broad bean season. Yet is shocked to have been offered raw broad beans after her in laws have been led to believe she's on a diet.

Why didn’t you mention something to your MIL, either before you got there or as soon as you had meal 1- “MIL this looks amazing but I’ve got an ulcer, could I possibly have some of the sauce with a salad?”. But I can’t understand why you didn’t plan for this properly in advance.

Or if you really couldn’t do that, when the airbnb was being cleaned, why not go to a restaurant or eat out before you got back to your MIL’s, if you know what she cooks? Could your DH (or you) really not pick something up from the shops that you could eat?

Your FIL was probably so fecking confused by now he thought that the broad beans were his safest bet. What exactly were you expecting them to do at this point?

Yes when in season, I dislike cooked broad beans, I absolutely love them raw, 😃

Honestly, you sound like hard work. If you can’t just be honest with people and tell them
the truth, then obviously it’s going to cause misunderstanding and upset and you shouldn’t be surprised when people are less than happy with you.

Exactly.
So to create a similar cultural situation, this would be like going to your MILs house and she serves shepherd's pie, your husband says you're on a diet, ans so your FIL gives you carrot sticks.

Wrong actually. Young, fresh broad beans are delicious straight from the pod. Old supermarket broad beans obviously not.

I’m not sure why the ulcer has to remain a secret, because if they’d known about that the whole thing would’ve been fine.

I think you were silly not to tell your in-laws that you had an ulcer and even sillier to eat food that you knew would make you unwell.

It sounds like your husband said you were on a diet because you hadn't mentioned your medical condition yourself and he didn't want to over-step.

There was nothing wrong with them offering you the broad beans, especially when you both put them in an awkward situation last-minute.

Morning. I didn't expect such a response. We went back last night and it was all fine. The argument was between me and DH. I was annoyed at him. His parents were ok. Although FIL did look a bit sheepish but I didn't mention anything. We've jn the A bnb and I have my own food now. Which is much better.

For anyone interested in the carb heavy means. These were Taro Mussaka, Stuffed Vine Leaves, Pasta in the oven, potato musakka.

Very delicious. But no good for my ulcer.

Thanks for all your comments.

Now I'm hungry!!!!

Serving raw broad beans is absolutely nothing like
serving raw chicken.

You could bend the truth a little and say your ulcer has been fixed but you are in recovery phase "just six more weeks of special diet left and then it won't hurt to eat your lovely food again" kind of thing, if you don't want them to go on and on about ulcer treatment.

He was just being a bit petulant I think. Probably a bit of an overreaction in the heat of the moment. You are overthinking this massively.
Fwiw we will happily eat raw broad beans in season although typically as part of salad or something but do snack on raw veg loads. So raw broad beans are not so weird for us.
What was a bit off was the plonking of the bag and that was just because they were just frustrated probably because your DH didn't explain properly what was going on so they just thought you were being fussy or rude or something.

Bloody PIL- refusing to use their mind reading skills....