Being given raw broad beans to eat....

[Ilivetosleep]

I've had an experience today that I am genuinely perplexed by and I want to see if people think I have been unreasonable. Its quite long and I'm tired. But I will shorten the story as much as I can. We have travelled abroad for a major family holiday (think big 50th). All the inlaws including us. We stayed one night at MIL & FIL house as our flight came in really late. MIL kindly cooked the kids a meal they requested which was very carb heavy. All their meals are like this TBH. But as we were going to air bnb later I just agreed to eat this. I have a gastric ulcer meaning I have to really restrict my diet. Anyway went off to the air bnb but it hadn't been cleaned and we complained. They agreed to sort the flat and we returned to MIL house. Again she had cooked a very carb heavy meal.

Next day DH wanted to stay and have lunch there before we go back to the air bnb. Again they cooked a very carb heavy meal. I really don't want to be rude as I know they have let us stay with them. But by this point I've got serious gastric reflux and feel awful. I said to Dh maybe we can buy some cooked chicken and I can have this with salad and he agrees but he goes to 2 markets and finds none.

So again we sit down to eat. I have said nothing about not eating the food. I decided to just shut up and eat a little and not be impolite. MIlL starts to dish up the food. Then DH goes oh she can't eat that. MIL gets all flustered and asks me why didnt tell her I was on a diet and she could have cooked some beans and salad. She offers to cut me up carrot sticks.... so I say. Its fine there's no need to fuss. I will eat what I have. Then my FIL goes into the fridge and picks up a bag of raw unpeeled and unprepared Broad beans and puts these in front of me. I was so shocked. I got really embarrassed and said that I am OK. And thanked her for the meal and left the table.

Afterwards
Dh had a massive go at me that I am always disrespecting his family and I was so rude to his parents.

quick add..... its really hard telling FIL/MIL that I don't want to /can't eat their food as their entire days is focused ocooking g for the family. Today they had a major argument over it proper shouting and screaming at each other. They also do not know about my ulcer as I am waiting for a operation and if they know they would talk about it all the time. And I don't want them to do this ad I was hospitalised and the kids were very scared. They would speak about this information of the kids.
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I think he just wanted to give you something that is not that carb heavy and have you what they had in.

Same in Eastern Europe, I.e. Poland- we'd eat it like that- very healthy . You also would have expected to be more assertive/ say what the issue is or the strategy of eating very little/ eating just a few mouthfuls would have been read as rude.

Italy.
And eating them raw is mainly how they're consumed.
At this time of year it's totally normal at the end of a meal for a huge pile of broad beans in their pods to be plonked in the middle of the table and everyone digs in. Especially when they're still small so sweet and tender.
Presume that other southern med countries do the same.

Um, are you in Italy? At this time of year raw broad beans are eaten, and this might have been seen as a natural pure kind of food, if you are having to watch what you eat - maybe this is just misunderstanding, because they don’t know what you need?

I think if you made it clear you have a medical issue, they'd have gone above and beyond to make sure you are well catered for accordingly. And it would have been no bother to them whatsoever. All they want is to feed their guests/ family the best way they know how.
They didn't gave a clue what the situation was and they did the best they knew how. Beans was the only available healthy' stuff at the ready and, possibly, FIL is not the cook but wanted to offer you something as near to what he thought you could gave as possible

“Primo maggio, fave e formaggio”
It’s a well known delicacy when Italian people go on their May Day picnic.
Big velvety pods that yield about 4 beans each, a tiny amount of salt to dip them in and a hearty chunk of mature cheese.
Your PIL probably thought they were giving you a treat, almost a month ahead of time.
They’re perfectly edible, just like fresh peas from the pod.
But if you’re struggling with digestive problems you know what you can and can’t eat.
Just tell them. And DH should shut up about disrespect.
(although a strong liqueur is often the cure-all!)

The chicken example didn't do you any favours. It's not remotely similar. The beans are eaten raw.

Your DH should not have stirred though at first.

I'm intrigued. Are all these "carb heavy" meals various pasta dishes? 🍝

Shitty behaviour from fil. Meant to be saying you were insulting them somehow.

Even shutter behaviour from dh afterwards.

But, thsy didn't know, they tried, but got it wrong. But then they forgot their manners.

Nobody eats a bag of raw unwashed broad beans unless they have a special thing for it (I have a pal that eats bags of garden peas. She's weird. She knows it).

Cbalk it up to shit happens. Hope your stomach is OK!

Unless I've missed something, there seems to be so many dilemmas that wouldn't occur if people (and families) were just honest with each other! How many times I've had to say thanks, I'd love it but If I eat it I'll be shitting for days.

Bizarre. You didn’t tell them you had an issue. Then your husband complained on your behalf. You got beans. You left the table.

so many weird actions here, you’re all bizarre

I don’t think I’ve ever eaten broad beans other than like this. No better lunch than a pile of broad beans with some hard cheese and a glass of chilled white wine, but I’ve eaten them on their own too.

You all sound a little odd but your husband sounds downright nasty.

Now I want to try raw broad beans ! Can you get them in the UK ?

Yes, you certainly can Cheese! Best eaten sitting in the garden on a hot summer day. Really looking forward to them now.

When visiting the in-laws in Italy I used to love eating raw broad beans straight from the pod accompanied by a few slices of parmesan or pecorino. This was offered at the end of a meal.

Honestly, it sounds like you're way overreacting. DH obviously didn't help. But he said you couldn't eat the food they served you, so they gave you another lovely and healthy thing to eat.

As always, honesty would have been the best policy.

Sounds like a very tense situation all round and the reveal that you couldn't eat the food caused the whole thing to blow up unnecessarily.

Is your DH always so tense with his parents? A last minute 'oh I'm currently having some digestion issues, nothing serious but unfortunately I can't eat your delicious pasta dishes this weekend until I'm better. Thanks ' would have avoided a lot of bother.

Your FIL probably thought the whole scenario was ridiculous.

So you’re equating the broad beans with raw chicken as they were ‘unprepared’ but plenty of PP are saying this is a normal way to eat them in Italy. So maybe your FIL wasn’t trying to insult you he was genuinely trying to help.

I get it I’ve had most of my colon removed due to bowel cancer and there are things I now can’t eat. And this seems to cause a problem for other people, especially if they are very food focused. Occasionally you just want them to shut up and stop playing 20 questions - what about onions/strawberries/apples/etc etc - but they are almost always coming from a place of kindness where they want to serve you something nice that you can eat.

They’re part of your family so I would probably tell them what is going on. I don’t think it has to be scary for children, just be straightforward with the information. In my experience kids cope with parents going to hospital, having cancer treatment etc. I don’t think you need to be all secret squirrel about an ulcer.

I can't stand people who sit their saying nothing but it's clear from the look on their Po face that they are unhappy.

Maybe they didn't like the look of your face as they sat down to eat as mealtimes are usually a joyous occasion.

Then my FIL goes into the fridge and picks up a bag of raw unpeeled and unprepared Broad beans and puts these in front of me.

That’s hilarious. Sounds like Fawlty Towers or Ab Fab.

🤣 nice one!

Well, how did Fil do that? Was he looking like he's trying to accommodate you or was he looking offended/ upset?

Row chicken is no comparison. Most veg is edible row, including onion and garlic (someone mentioned!).

I think your husband reacted the way he did, because he was himself frustrated - may be he had just listened to his parents discuss your lack of appetite during the previous two meals?

what? I love raw beans still in the pod, so do many people - in the allotment we eat them as we pick them often enough, so do other people

I think you need to stop being so precious about your ulcer, and tell them. I don't see the issue with them talking about it.

As things stand, they think you're some kind of a rude, fussy eater who rejects their food, and they are going to be hurt that you didn't tell them about your health issue when the story inevitably comes out.

You're painting yourself into corners here left and right, for no discernible reason.

In your shoes, I'd make a clean breast of it.

Also, we grew broad beans when I was a child, and often ate them raw straight from the graden. In fact, sitting in the garden.

I think you need to apologise to them all, and you need to be honest about your health situation.

The beans weren't the equivalent of raw chicken - and what an insult that was to his parents. The ILs did their best to provide something you could eat, without knowing why you couldn't eat what they had prepared, without knowing what you could eat.

You've caused your ILs to feel they've done something wrong, and upset them and your H.

For what?

What have you gained here?

You've been rude and inconsiderate. You know they like to feed people and that meals are a huge part of their way of life. It is rude to withhold dietary information from people you are staying with and forcing them to guess what you're able to eat. A little self awareness on your part would go a long way here.

It's not assertive to state your needs and the reason for them in this case. It's common courtesy.