Who's the problematic one here?

[Isitameproblem]

I'll start by saying I love my DH very much but he kind be unsupportive.
I have self image issues, I struggle with my size and weight (but mostly weight).
For most of my life I've been overweight apart from a couple of years (when I mety DH).
I can reduce in size, but it's very difficult for me to lose any weight. My DH has always been skinny and overall has never been that bothered.
For the past 10 weeks we've started a new regime, I do an average of 6 hours of cardio and around 3/4 of strength training per week. I eat OK, but overall I still eat the same amount/diet as before. I really haven't lost any weight, but you can tell I've toned up considerably (especially around my arms and you can see the middle line in my abs).
My weight has remained the same, apart from when I went away for a few days and I ate all sort sof street food and didn't exercise for about 10 days. Back to my weekly routine I gained what I lost! I came to the conclusion that exercise does make me retain water.
So I talked to my DH about it. His first answer is that it most me carbs (but remember my diet and weight have overall remained the same) and that he has never heard about retaining water due to exercise. Remember we've been together for six years, and have had a similar conversations with him, and he always tells me all different theories of why I'm not losing weight. I always end up annoyed as his words are never of support but mostly about what I'm most likely doing wrong.

All I needed was a "yeah that makes sense" or even a "don't worry about you've definitely shrunk, so it shouldn't matter" but no instead he always comes back with a counter argument or even disbelief if what I'm saying (as he's never heard about it before, but I've definitely mentioned many times over the years that I think that's a likely cause).

Sadly, I don't think I can actually talk to him about it, even though it does bother me.

He never calls me fat or anything, but as much I do think I probably look slim, I weight the same as before I had children and I was definitely chubby back then.

Stop avoiding reality and get into a calorie deficit if you want to lose fat. It really is that simple.

and I am ... My average day is 60g of skyr, 30g of hummus, one celery stick, 30g of blueberries, one piece of toast, 200g of steak, and salad (no dressing).

As a treat I eat half a digestive.

I do have visible abs, and I'm a size 8. I'm happiest at a size 6, but maybe I'll never get back to that, who knows.

When I was away, I had at least 2000 calories a day and 2 pints...

Another possibility that might actually be more likely than your water retention theory (and maybe what Dh is getting at) is that you eat more when you train more and that, as you cannot outrun a bad diet, you gain weight when you are training because you eat too much.

It might be 'good food' but too much of it. A lot of people do this especially when doing tonnes of cardio. A lot of people have great muscle under a layer of fat.

Do you keep a food diary/ use MFP and do it honestly? You might find that you are actually eating too much despite intense exercise.

It does seem that you only want people to confirm what you already think however so I don't imagine you will consider this possibility at all.

Ok ignore last post
You are a size 8 but want to be size 6
This is not the impression one gets from your OP where you talk about struggling with your weight.
I now think DH is sick of you going on about your weight for a different reason ie that you have an ED.

Your husband is definitely right in that you're not eating enough. My goodness. Surely you don't sit there measuring out hummus in grams. It's just hummus. That seems like such a joyless way to live.

When I got visible abs I was chuffed with myself and took it as a sign that I should stop thinking about weight completely, I didn't fixate on getting even smaller. If there's one thing more tedious than a weight-loss bore it's a weight-loss bore droning on about it even though they have visible abs.

Enjoy your toned body and live a little.

Unless you’re 3 feet tall, I would hardly call maintaining a size 8 with little to no effort ‘struggling’ with weight.

Your husband is probably sick of hearing about your non-problem after 6 years. You are absolutely the unreasonable one here.

Then how on earth are you saying you're overweight??

I agree, you sound like you have eating issues. He's probably sick of hearing about it

Because I am! I weight between 68.5 / 69.5 (this morning) . And I'm only 1.59.

When we met I was a size 4 and weighed 55kg... Although we now both say I looked like a skeleton.

Are you Asian, OP?

Hard to make sense of all the conflicting things you say but

159cm ie 5ft 2/3 max weight to have a healthy BMI is 63kg so my hypothesis A stands that you are a bit overweight at 69kg for your very small frame and that presumably you don't eat that tiny amount and do all that exercise consistently all the time otherwise it is not possible that you would be overweight.

Aah OK I was thinking uk sizes, I'm assuming now it's not. I'm about the same weight and a uk 14

No I mean UK sizes... At my smallest I was a size 0 US (and sometimes I still fit in them).

No, I'm not Asian, but I'm not white.

You sound a bit obsessed with your weight/size.
I agree with others who have said you might benefit from some therapy.

And my diet has remained the same for the 7 years give or take. What changes is the exercise. My weight more or less remains the same too (maybe it fluctuates by 3kg). It's my size that changes the most.

No exercise, same diet = bigger body

Surely though, if you weigh more or the same, it's because you're gaining muscle?! I an 5'1, and weight about 10.5 stone. Which sounds heavy for my height. But I'm actually quite small, size 10. But I'm quite naturally muscular, which is why I weigh what I do. I never even bother weighing myself as it doesn't mean anything.
Just stop worrying about what you weigh! You probably have a naturally muscular build, and build muscle quickly ( I am like this). Which is why you tone up so quickly.

My husband and I have a deal. If I talk about something with energy / emotion he will ask “do you want to vent, or do you want advice” - if venting - then he just listens + tells me I’m a badass. If advice then he’s allowed to hold forth.

this sounds like a communication issue that could be dealt with very easily with a bit of planning…

It’s hard for someone to ‘get it right’ if they don’t have a roadmap for what that looks like.

give him a very very clear roadmap!

In answer to your thread question then, OP. I'm afraid it's definitely you from what you've described on here.

I agree with the previous posters suggesting a professional would be better placed to talk over your issues with than your husband. He isn't trained or equipped to deal with this.

You OP. YABU.
First of all, it's not weight that matters, it's fat. Many light, skinny people can be unhealthier than heavier people. BMI is just a rough guide but was also created based on a very narrow set of people.
See a professional nutritionist or dietician but stop bothering your poor husband.

There have been so many other threads like this where people of all different weights and heights all claim to be the same size. Different people obviously carry weight differently. Clothes sizes also vary massively across shops. A size 0/4 is in my mind just unhealthy. I was briefly a size 6 and weighed 55kg at 5 foot 7 and looking back was too slim. I'm now 65kg and still an 8-10. Seems odd that you're an 8 and weigh more than me and are shorter but you say you do a lot of exercise and have defined abs and biceps which I definitely don't! I agree with PPs that you're obsessed about your weight/size and very restrictive in your diet and having been like that in the past myself and having friends like that it is very, very boring to hear about constantly so just give your poor husband a break and try and lighten up about it all. People have real problems and to fixate so much on your size when there must be so many more interesting things about you is a bit sad.

I haven't caught up with your updates but going off the original post, he actually sounds really nice to me.

You're expecting him to have an answer for you, which is really unreasonable. How is he supposed to know why you're not losing weight? What on earth is he supposed to do about it?!

It sounds like he's trying to help and trying to listen but also trying to emphasise that he loves you regardless of your size.

Hang on - your OP gives the impression that you're hugely overweight and struggling, yet you're only a size 8 and the problem is you want to be a size six? And you "treat yourself" with half a digestive biscuit?

It sounds like you have a very messed up relationship with food and there's absolutely nothing he can say or do to get through to you.

Me and my partner also have this kind of communication problem where I am seeking reassurance but he is so practical that he tries to give frank advice and sometimes I do the same.

We've learned now to ask each other - 'do you want advice or are you just venting?' when these types of things come up. And it really helps!

oh mate, you have an orthorexic eating/exercise disorder, I'm so sorry.

It isnt possible to maintain exactly the same size even if on the same food through your whole life. It would be totally normal to go from a size 6 to 8 through your adult life - if anything, still very very much on the slim side of things. You don't see many size 6 menopausal women do you? Our bodies are supposed to change.

Your thinking around weight is very disordered and won't be helped by someone nodding along. I couldn't nod along to someone claiming exercise makes them shrink but they weigh the same because of water retention. It doesn't make sense and nor does a lot else that you say. Instead of looking for validation I would look for therapy.