Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

10 or so 13/14yr olds drunk and p!ssing up cars, so i called police

29 replies

justhavingamoan · 29/03/2008 00:57

I said obviously it wasnt anywhere near emergency but I think a drive by would help them dsperese. its a v quiet little village and the past few weekends there has been a gang of them hanging around, shouting and being prats generally.

I am hoping police just drive past and they disperse, but if they took one or two home to parents drunk that would be even better as perhaps the parents dont know and would deal with it.

what would you have done?

OP posts:
Remotew · 29/03/2008 01:15

Was any action taken? I didnt want to let this slip down as you answered my thread. Its is so difficult with teens, there is often no provision made e.g youth clubs and it is only natural that they want to socialise together. So they do it around the streets.

Drinking is part of it too. I'm really lucky with my DD 14 as she isnt part of the gang. I think that the parents do know that they are hanging around the streets but can not physically keep them indoors.

The police thing may even give them street cred. Maybe a campaign to give them somewhere to go might be the answer. Sorry to sound namby pamby. Just a mum of a teen.

sarah293 · 29/03/2008 07:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

chamaeleon · 29/03/2008 07:48

you should write to local paper riven, that often shames the police/council into doing something. hope your mum is ok, thats awful

yes i would have called police

AbbeyA · 29/03/2008 08:12

abouteve-why can't you keep 13 and 14 year olds in? I certainly wouldn't have my teens out at night hanging around the streets.Justhavingamoan did the right thing, the parents are responsible and should know where and what they are doing-they certainly shouldn't be having alcohol, they are well under age. If a group of teens are terrorising people in their own homes it is unacceptable and they should be taken home by the police and parents made to be responsible for them.

Freckle · 29/03/2008 08:43

Erm, I have a 14 yo and he doesn't go out unless I say he can. Of course you can keep teenagers indoors. It depends, I suppose, on whether you want them there.

mum2sons · 29/03/2008 08:54

I think YANBU by calling the police. The children need to know their actions are wrong and I agree, their parents need to be made aware.

However, I am not suprised,I have a 13 year old boy and all he wants to do is hang out with his friends. they are good kids but have NOTHING to do! There are great clubs and activities for under 12's, all the summer clubs etc but once they hit their teens, they just want to socialise. We have no youth club, no sports facilities, no cafe's in our village.

It makes me mad. We have 3 pubs in our village, mainly empty. Why can't they be turned into cafe's/youth centres?

mum2sons · 29/03/2008 08:57

I think YANBU by calling the police. The children need to know their actions are wrong and I agree, their parents need to be made aware.

However, I am not suprised,I have a 13 year old boy and all he wants to do is hang out with his friends. they are good kids but have NOTHING to do! There are great clubs and activities for under 12's, all the summer clubs etc but once they hit their teens, they just want to socialise. We have no youth club, no sports facilities, no cafe's in our village.

It makes me mad. We have 3 pubs in our village, mainly empty. Why can't they be turned into cafe's/youth centres?

madje2 · 29/03/2008 09:09

I don't think you could actually physically stop a teenager from going out if they were absolutely determined. My ds is 17 and bigger than both me and his dad so if he wanted to go he would go. Erm why would you want to keep them in? The more restrictions you place on them the more likely they are to rebel. I think the thing is to bring them up to know how to behave while out and about and then hope they do so. Teaching them respect and consequences is more important . My ds knows to respect other people and their property. Experience so far tells me he does so. However telling him he couldn't go to certain places or do certain things would be pointless as he would do it anyway if he really wanted to. We have discussed drinking smoking drugs etc. I have pointed out the pitfalls of this type of behaviour and the consequences for him and our family. Ultimately you can not possibly know what they are doing 24 hours a day so the best you can do is make sure they are well informed and responsible. I know there are parents who don't care where there kids are or what thet are doing so long as they aren't bothering them. But I'm afraid a visit from the police would probably do little to change that. If they don't care their kids won't care either. As a parent imo you should educate them on how to behave rather than keep them locked up at home.

dizzydixies · 29/03/2008 09:16

omg am once again horrified at the shite service people are getting from the police.

YANBU you are entirely correct in phoning them and please persisit in doing so otherwise they are not going to realise there is an ongoing problem with youths in that area

when you phone the control room explain that there is an ongoing problem at the time you are phoning, give them as much of a desc as possible and exactly where they are, even names if you have them

also ask to see the officers attending - the police sometimes presume you will be happy enough with them driving past and removing the youths

when the officers appear, you explain that this has been ongoing and is becoming a bit of an issue and you would like passing attention to be provided to the area - you can also ask to see/speak to the local community liaison unit who are specifically responsible for ongoing problems in their area. beat cops can only deal with any problems that arise on their beat at the time they are on duty - the community liaison officer can take it on as they permanently deal with a certain area all the time

by all means inform the council and ask them to raise concerns with the police

the more proactive you are seen to be the more proactive the police have to be seen to be being too - not ideal but best way to go about it and the more times you have a complaint logged about a certain area the more they will come to realise it is becoming a problem

hope all this helps

Freckle · 29/03/2008 09:20

I didn't say that I keep him in. Just that, if he wants to go out, he asks and I decide. I like to know where he is going and with whom. Now I am quite aware that he may end up doing something else entirely, but I do make an effort to keep track off him. If I didn't, I'd be slagged off on here for being one of those parents who don't care what their teenagers are getting up to.

dizzydixies · 29/03/2008 09:24

I also think there is a big difference between a 14yr old and a 17yr old

jmo

AbbeyA · 29/03/2008 09:43

A 17 year old is almost an adult, it is entirely different from a 13 or 14 year old. I agree that there is a lack of things to do for teens and it would be great to have more youth clubs etc and that most of them just want a place to hang around with their friends. However I would much rather have the friends around at our house than getting bored in the cold and dark. I know parents who see nothing wrong in driving their 14 year old daughter into the local town to do nothing with friends and collecting her at 11pm when she has been doing nothing for 3 hours! The same parents who ferried her everywhere by car when she was younger and wouldn't even let her go to the corner shop are suddenly willing to leave her in dubious company to walk the streets at night!!
I don't see why it is assumed that teens will drink-they are UNDER AGE.

madje2 · 29/03/2008 09:43

Yes but same could apply. My ds was bigger than me at 14. You have to take responsibility for teaching them how to behave and HOPE they do. Ds had a paper round at 14. I had to trust when he went to do it he was and not hanging around drinking and peeing up cars. You have to remember too that if your teenager thinks you won't let them go to a certain place then they will just lie about where they are going. The most important point is to make sure they are well informed and also that there are consequences to their behaviour. They won't always be 14 and having a good grounding will hpoefully mean they make informed choices when you are not around to tell them what is or isn't a good idea.

madje2 · 29/03/2008 09:47

Age is misleading too. I know some very mature 14 year olds and some very immature 17 year olds.

Original poster
justhavingamoan · 29/03/2008 09:52

well they did drive past around 1/2 later but the kids had dispersed. i didnt want to get them into trouble as such, but they must realise that it isnt acceptable. i agree they need somewhere to go. my boys are only young, but when they are older i am more than happy to have their mates over and they can play music etc etc, at least i will know they are safe. there were some girls with them that looked v v drunk. i hope they all go home safe.

thanks for all your responses.

xx

OP posts:
AbbeyA · 29/03/2008 09:54

I think that you spend the first 14 years gradually letting go, bringing them up to be responsible and self disciplined, able to make their own decisions and not have to follow the herd.
I have problems on this board marrying up the 2 extremes, they are not the same people posting so it is difficult to get an overall picture. On one hand are the rigid controllers who won't even let their DC eat a choc bar that they are given from a birthday child at school- and on the other hand people who say that you can't control teens and therefore they can do what they like.

AbbeyA · 29/03/2008 09:58

If you can't stop your teens being with their friends then invite the friends around to your house-much better IMO than offloading the misery of anti social behaviour onto other people.

madje2 · 29/03/2008 10:04

In the past if my son had wanted to go somewhere I didn't approve of I would tell him why I didn't want him to go there and suggest another activity. That way if he went anyway at least he was aware of possible dangers. I like to think he's always honest about where he's going and what he's doing. I too always wanted to know where he was but you have to trust them at some point and this is easier if you know they are well informed. Also if they know they have your trust they are more likely to be honest about what they are doing imo for what its worth.

turquoise · 29/03/2008 10:04

Dixie's advice is good.

I just wanted to add to Riven - about your mother's problems: get on to Victim Support, they can add a lot of pressure on the Community Police officer etc. If your mother isn't up to it, get the crime number and phone your local VS yourself, I am a volunteer and deal with a lot of similar problems, and our local office is very helpful.

madje2 · 29/03/2008 10:08

I agree Abbey. Whether I will still agree tonight when my lounge is littered with my sons mates and I want to watch tv is another thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AbbeyA · 29/03/2008 10:09

It depends on the age-if they are only 13 or 14 I would tell them that they weren't going!
I think that they like boundries, I was secretly pleased when my mother refused to let me do things at that age-it was a good let out! You build up slowly to full independence -a 13 or 14 year old shouldn't be going to something that you have good reason for thinking unsuitable.

AbbeyA · 29/03/2008 10:11

It can be very trying madje2 -I agree!!!! Hoever much better than them inflicting anti social behaviour on people who just want a quiet evening in their own homes. I get the impression that some parents don't care what they are doing as long as it isn't at their house!

madje2 · 29/03/2008 10:18

At 13 or 14 you should still justify your reasons for not letting them do something. Otherwise they may just tell you they are going somewhere you would approve of. I'm not saying you dont btw abbey I just think that teenagers will lie to some degree and we are kidding ourselves if we think they wont.

madje2 · 29/03/2008 10:24

They're behaviour isn't anti social, they ar e just so in the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And watch reruns of dreadful sitcoms even I've seen before and I don't watch them!!!!!!!!!!!

mum2sons · 29/03/2008 11:46

I agree that boundaries and behaviours need to be instilled in the teens and that comes from parents. My DS and I have very frank discussions about drugs/drink/smoking and how to deal with peer pressure etc. However, he doesn't want to hang around our house with his friends. Parents are so not cool at 13 He also has 2 much younger brothers (3 and 2 months) The 3 year old will completely act up when he has a friend over and I am breastfeeding which for a 13 year old boy is the most embaressing thing ever!

I personally do not know what is harder, a teenage boy, a hyper toddler or a demanding baby..