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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ok to leave a 16 year old?

115 replies

IncognitoUsername · 03/04/2024 11:27

I know that this will provoke a variety of responses but just wanted to get a selection of ideas
Is it ok to leave a 16 year old home alone for four days/three nights? DH and I have the opportunity to go to a wedding- in this country but few hours drive away. Midweek and DS has college. We are involved in the wedding (complicated) so would be away for the above time. We have a fab neighbour who would be on call for any domestic dramas, he can have tea with his best mate every night (we did same over Easter for the friend) and my best friend lives two minutes away and would check on him every day. At the moment we have 3 options - we all go and he misses college, one of us goes and the other stays with him, or no-one goes.
DH says he’s old enough and very sensible but my mum heart says he’s still my little boy! What would you do?

OP posts:
CarrotCake01 · 03/04/2024 11:28

I probably wouldn't leave a 16 year old that long, no

FrenchandSaunders · 03/04/2024 11:29

If he's sensible I would do it. Is he likely to throw a party or let other friends know he's home alone which can get out of hand.

Totally depends on the teen ... one of mine I would have left at that age, and younger, she would have had a mate round, done some baking, chilled out, gone to school. My other, no way, she'd would not have got up and gone to school and would have had endless parties.

InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow · 03/04/2024 11:30

I wouldn't think twice about it tbh. I have faith in the way I have raised my teens, and I was living by myself at 16 too.

Icannoteven · 03/04/2024 11:31

It’s fine. In the 90’s, when I was a teenager, you could leave school, get a job and move out at 16. 16 is not an infant.

Dontwanttobefatanymore · 03/04/2024 11:32

With you saying college as opposed to school I assume nearly 17? If so I’d say yes as long as they were sensible. If only just 16 then not for that long

GoofyGoldie · 03/04/2024 11:32

Well, when I was 16 I had my own flat & a baby!

It sounds like he has a lot of support, so if he's happy with it, I think you'd be OK leaving him.

We leave our 15 & 17yr olds to have a weekend away occasionally. Although my 35 Yr old son does pop in & usually spends the evening with them.

Original poster
IncognitoUsername · 03/04/2024 11:33

FrenchandSaunders · 03/04/2024 11:29

If he's sensible I would do it. Is he likely to throw a party or let other friends know he's home alone which can get out of hand.

Totally depends on the teen ... one of mine I would have left at that age, and younger, she would have had a mate round, done some baking, chilled out, gone to school. My other, no way, she'd would not have got up and gone to school and would have had endless parties.

He’s very sensible - totally not the party type. We will obviously text all the time and college would let us know if he’s not been in.

OP posts:
fieldsofbutterflies · 03/04/2024 11:33

Of course, it's absolutely fine. I'd be more concerned if an NT 16 year old couldn't cope with that level of responsibility, to be honest.

Original poster
IncognitoUsername · 03/04/2024 11:34

GoofyGoldie · 03/04/2024 11:32

Well, when I was 16 I had my own flat & a baby!

It sounds like he has a lot of support, so if he's happy with it, I think you'd be OK leaving him.

We leave our 15 & 17yr olds to have a weekend away occasionally. Although my 35 Yr old son does pop in & usually spends the evening with them.

Best mate has said she would spend an evening with him but he’s not so keen! He’ll be online most of the time I guess.

OP posts:
MasterBeth · 03/04/2024 11:34

All fine.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 03/04/2024 11:35

It's fine

MolkosTeenageAngst · 03/04/2024 11:35

Absolutely fine, my parents went away for a week when I was that age.

Hermittrismegistus · 03/04/2024 11:36

Of course it fine.

KalaMush · 03/04/2024 11:37

I have teens and I think this is fine, maybe with someone popping in to check all is ok.

Original poster
IncognitoUsername · 03/04/2024 11:37

fieldsofbutterflies · 03/04/2024 11:33

Of course, it's absolutely fine. I'd be more concerned if an NT 16 year old couldn't cope with that level of responsibility, to be honest.

Well he’s not NT but neither am I. Both have ADHD, which is probably why I made this post to be honest. Manifests as overthinking rather than an inability to actually deal with things.

OP posts:
Seainasive · 03/04/2024 11:38

Mine would be fine, as in he wouldn’t do anything stupid, but he would be sad…

Maglian · 03/04/2024 11:39

It all depends on the individual at that age. You know him, you need to rely your own judgement on this one.

goldenretrievermum5 · 03/04/2024 11:42

Personally I wouldn’t but it’s very dependent on the child. DD was a really sensible and mature 16 year old, I would’ve been fine to leave her except she definitely wouldn’t have wanted to be left on her own for that amount of time, it’s different if siblings/friends are around though

Thefutureisourownpath · 03/04/2024 11:42

Yes fine. I left my very sensible 16 year old alone for 3 nights last weekend. She is not the party type. I phoned her each morning and evening. A friend popped in every day just to say hello and she had the dogs. She actually loved it! No little brother and no mum telling her to wash up. I came back to a clean house

mondaytosunday · 03/04/2024 11:42

Yes I would. Though when we left my 16 year old stepson for a week he did have an unauthorised party which caused at least £4k worth of damage - broken window, slashed painting, neighbour's car windscreen, broke my son's cot... (word got out on SM and loads showed up). But if you trust yours then the age itself is fine.

Original poster
IncognitoUsername · 03/04/2024 11:43

goldenretrievermum5 · 03/04/2024 11:42

Personally I wouldn’t but it’s very dependent on the child. DD was a really sensible and mature 16 year old, I would’ve been fine to leave her except she definitely wouldn’t have wanted to be left on her own for that amount of time, it’s different if siblings/friends are around though

Lots of friends around and he would prefer not to be at the wedding as it’s not a sibling or someone like that.

OP posts:
Maglian · 03/04/2024 11:43

So with the ADHD (which IMO is very relevant) I'd be erring on the side of overthinking myself. Make sure he knows what to do in emergencies, how is he going to remember to lock up and turn the oven off, etc etc.

Sounds like you have great back up in place for him, but responsibility should be on him to manage this stuff if he's up to being left.

Needmorelego · 03/04/2024 11:46

As long as he is not a total dingbat and/or likely to have a massive out of control party - then he will be fine.
Basics to know that he might not -
How to turn off the gas/water in an emergency.
That's about it really.

Hagpie · 03/04/2024 11:46

This is a trust-your-gut type situation I think. If you know him to be able to handle himself and he’s got a lot of support for if he gets into trouble, then enjoy the wedding!

Original poster
IncognitoUsername · 03/04/2024 11:47

Maglian · 03/04/2024 11:43

So with the ADHD (which IMO is very relevant) I'd be erring on the side of overthinking myself. Make sure he knows what to do in emergencies, how is he going to remember to lock up and turn the oven off, etc etc.

Sounds like you have great back up in place for him, but responsibility should be on him to manage this stuff if he's up to being left.

Dont know how to phrase this but he doesn’t present as ADHD - he only went for diagnosis as I had mine aged 47. He’s very sensible and capable - gets his own tea 3 nights a week as DH and I work late, I trust his close friends to not organise a party etc. Next door would soon be round if they heard a noise.

OP posts: