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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ok to leave a 16 year old?

115 replies

IncognitoUsername · 03/04/2024 11:27

I know that this will provoke a variety of responses but just wanted to get a selection of ideas
Is it ok to leave a 16 year old home alone for four days/three nights? DH and I have the opportunity to go to a wedding- in this country but few hours drive away. Midweek and DS has college. We are involved in the wedding (complicated) so would be away for the above time. We have a fab neighbour who would be on call for any domestic dramas, he can have tea with his best mate every night (we did same over Easter for the friend) and my best friend lives two minutes away and would check on him every day. At the moment we have 3 options - we all go and he misses college, one of us goes and the other stays with him, or no-one goes.
DH says he’s old enough and very sensible but my mum heart says he’s still my little boy! What would you do?

OP posts:
Comedycook · 03/04/2024 12:25

It seems like quite a long time. My ds has just turned 16 and no way would I do this. A sensible 16 year old who is nearer to 17 might be fine.

JockTamsonsBairns · 03/04/2024 12:29

JMSA · 03/04/2024 12:21

I wouldn't personally.

Any specific reason why not?

Fidgety31 · 03/04/2024 12:43

Yes a 16 year old should have been taught the skills and knowledge of how to look after themselves. They are young adults , not toddlers .
Don’t want them getting to 18 and being that one at uni who doesn’t know how to cook an egg !

CurlewKate · 03/04/2024 12:43

Is he happy about it? If so, it's fine. If not-not.

kitchenhelprequired · 03/04/2024 12:51

Presumably he's 2/3rd's of the way through Y12 if he's at college so yes with what you've said I would. During Covid we had no option but to leave similar age DC for longer on their own. I know my DSis wouldn't be able to with her similar age DC - some are just more practical/capable/less likely to have or cause an accident at that age so you just have to risk assess for yourself based on your particular DC & circumstances.

goldenretrievermum5 · 03/04/2024 12:56

Fidgety31 · 03/04/2024 12:43

Yes a 16 year old should have been taught the skills and knowledge of how to look after themselves. They are young adults , not toddlers .
Don’t want them getting to 18 and being that one at uni who doesn’t know how to cook an egg !

I had a 16 year old who certainly wouldn’t have wanted to be left for days on end as she would’ve been lonely, therefore I respected her wishes. That doesn’t mean that she can’t function as an adult! Now aged 19 she’s miles ahead of her friends in terms of maturity and independence - every single evening I come in from work to a lovely home cooked meal.. no pot noodles, burnt eggs or culinary disasters here

Comedycook · 03/04/2024 12:56

My biggest concern would be remembering to do things like turning off the oven/hob, close windows, lock up, don't lose keys etc...but then my ds is incredibly absent minded!

SpanThatWorld · 03/04/2024 13:17

I have 3 sons.
Each of them has had their first week home alone at 16. All were fine, none of them missed us.

Blixem · 03/04/2024 13:20

I was left while my parents went away for 2 weeks at 16 but I was very sensible and I had dogs/horses to look after. My sister lived nearby too if I'd needed help. I think it does depend on the individual 16 year old though.

toomuchfaff · 03/04/2024 13:22

From reading your updates, I'd have no qualms leaving him with the support network and other arrangements you have in place.

Sophie3003 · 03/04/2024 13:23

I was the same age when my mum left me Monday to Friday to take my younger brother on holiday and I don't think any of us thought twice about it!

canyouletthedogoutplease · 03/04/2024 13:25

At 16 I was travelling hundreds of miles on buses and trains on my own, I had mates with their own flats, I was going to all night raves in fields, all before mobile phones.

I was working at weekends and left alone while my parents went for weekends away from about 14. He will be fine, he's got lots of adult support nearby should he need it, and he sounds very capable of making himself a fishfinger butty and remembering to clean his teeth.

PandaG · 03/04/2024 13:32

I definitely would, and have left a then 16 yo DD for a week - she had various friends of mine nearby she could call on in an emergency, and had friends to stay over during the week.

When DS was in y11 we left him for a week and went abroad, again he had various phone nos in case of emergency, but had an older friend (uni student from our church) move in for the week for a bit of company. No problems, worked well.

MintGreenC · 03/04/2024 13:34

I was thrown out at 16 and lived alone. It's fine for a few days

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 03/04/2024 13:43

Well, when I was 16 I had my own flat & a baby!

Hate it when posters say this, like we should be aspiring to chuck out our young teens as soon as poss because "I managed it".

Anyway - I think it's fine. I stayed home for a week when my family went to France and I didn't want to. You're not even going out of the country so you'll be easily contactable.

I possibly wouldn't leave mine because - as we pack for holiday - they have proven themselves absolutely ridiculously dense when it comes to common sense!

Nosleepforthismum · 03/04/2024 13:44

He’ll be fine. My friends and I went on a camping holiday for a week as soon as we finished our GCSEs in a couple of old tents, 1 dodgy Nokia between the 6 of us and a bunch of fake ID’s. Teenagers are pretty resourceful when they have to be. Enjoy your time away!

DailyMailHater · 03/04/2024 13:48

I would say if he is comfortable with it and is clear who to contact if he needs to then no problem.

KreedKafer · 03/04/2024 14:11

As with all these questions, really depends on the 16-year-old. My parents left me alone for a few days at that age, and I know they left my brother too. He and I were both very calm teenagers who would have just enjoyed having the place to ourselves for a few days and would have done nothing more sociable than having a couple of mates over to watch a film or sunbathe in the garden.

They would not, however, have done the same with my sister because she was not remotely trustworthy as a teenager and would 100% have massively taken the piss, had a huge ill-advised party and wrecked the house.

Remagirl · 03/04/2024 14:12

Yes I would be happy to do that.

canyouletthedogoutplease · 03/04/2024 14:14

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 03/04/2024 13:43

Well, when I was 16 I had my own flat & a baby!

Hate it when posters say this, like we should be aspiring to chuck out our young teens as soon as poss because "I managed it".

Anyway - I think it's fine. I stayed home for a week when my family went to France and I didn't want to. You're not even going out of the country so you'll be easily contactable.

I possibly wouldn't leave mine because - as we pack for holiday - they have proven themselves absolutely ridiculously dense when it comes to common sense!

I don't think the poster was suggesting that OP chuck her teenage son out. Just giving a bit of perspective, that it would be perfectly reasonable for him to be left in the house for a weekend.

ipredictariot5 · 03/04/2024 14:18

I have done this with my kids from 16 - I also have a neighbour who stops by and get my dog walker to come too. Couple of mishaps over the years - one where she told school she was on her own at home and they panicked and when she needed to go to A and E but she went with my neighbour and we were able to go back if needed.
it’s good for them - gives them independence and a chance to practice for moving out!

Samlewis96 · 03/04/2024 14:40

goldenretrievermum5 · 03/04/2024 12:56

I had a 16 year old who certainly wouldn’t have wanted to be left for days on end as she would’ve been lonely, therefore I respected her wishes. That doesn’t mean that she can’t function as an adult! Now aged 19 she’s miles ahead of her friends in terms of maturity and independence - every single evening I come in from work to a lovely home cooked meal.. no pot noodles, burnt eggs or culinary disasters here

Show quote history

This 16 year old will be at college so why should he be lonely. And no one's stopping him seeing friends TBH I don't know many 16 year olds who sit in the room with parents each evening

Yousay55 · 03/04/2024 14:46

Only you know if your ds would be ok. I wouldn’t leave my teens at that age because of my own anxieties & I’d end up stressed. I expect they would be fine though!

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 03/04/2024 14:48

canyouletthedogoutplease · 03/04/2024 14:14

I don't think the poster was suggesting that OP chuck her teenage son out. Just giving a bit of perspective, that it would be perfectly reasonable for him to be left in the house for a weekend.

Show quote history

I know they weren't suggesting that. I just think it's irrelevant in this situation and it irritates me.

GingerIsBest · 03/04/2024 14:51

Yeah, I think this is completely fine unless there's a particular reason why not. Clearly you've already encouraged independence so it's not like you're going from never-left-alone-or-made-a-meal to a week away.

He sounds sensible, independent, experienced at sorting himself and has plenty of support around etc. I'm pretty sure my brother and I were left at home alone for the odd night at around that age. And my mother had left home AND moved country at 16 so really, no problem.

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