Ok to leave a 16 year old?

[IncognitoUsername]

I know that this will provoke a variety of responses but just wanted to get a selection of ideas
Is it ok to leave a 16 year old home alone for four days/three nights? DH and I have the opportunity to go to a wedding- in this country but few hours drive away. Midweek and DS has college. We are involved in the wedding (complicated) so would be away for the above time. We have a fab neighbour who would be on call for any domestic dramas, he can have tea with his best mate every night (we did same over Easter for the friend) and my best friend lives two minutes away and would check on him every day. At the moment we have 3 options - we all go and he misses college, one of us goes and the other stays with him, or no-one goes.
DH says he’s old enough and very sensible but my mum heart says he’s still my little boy! What would you do?

It depends on the 16 year old, but generally yes they should be fine. My parents went away for a week when I was that age and while I did have a party, it was fairly chilled. We knew our neighbours well (I babysat for them) so I'm sure they kept an ear/eye out but it really wasn't an issue and I enjoyed the independence.

Depends on the child. My younger dd was absolutely fine, so sensible her older sister wouldn't have coped

Not a chance I would. I think it's way too long to leave a 16 year old. And yes I was living away at 17 when I was uni but I was living in digs with a family.

He has a lot of support around him-tea at his friend’s every evening and your best friend checking on him every evening-I think he’ll be fine.

Re. Turning off the hob, locking doors, etc. I’d ask your friend to pop round at say 8 and go through these things with him, to make sure that he doesn’t forget. A couple of nights doing that and he won’t forget.

We left DD (nearly 19 now) home alone for a weekend at 17 and she was fine. Her friend stayed over one night and otherwise she chilled with the dog. DS is 16 in the autumn and we’ll probably wait until next year- until he’s a similar age to your DS.

As PP’s have pointed out, even nowadays, many teenagers are living away from home by 18. DD started uni last year. They need to learn how to manage.

Each to their own, DD wouldn’t have wanted to come home to sleep in an empty house and that’s fine. I know plenty of adults who don’t particularly like that either! As I said in my previous post it’s different if he’s able to have friends over to stay with him

DH is trying to convince me that at 16 we will be able to leave ASD dd for a couple of nights.

now rationally, I, who also am ASD, know that are same age I stayed by myself for a week at a time more than once at it was not a problem. My parents even left me in charge of a 12yo, though that part I think in retrospect was crazy.

Blimey, I was hoping that DH and I might be able to get some solo mini breaks away together by the time DD2 hits 16, so I hope they can be left alone at that age.

My mum went away with her partner for two weeks when I was 16 and my sister 15. Yes we did have parties etc, but we were also sensible enough to limit the numbers, tidy up afterwards and still go to school. I guess with video calling nowadays teenagers might not even dare try the parties!

I think he'll be fine if he's happy with it. You've left him overnight before, so you know he can cope with that. He has someone local to call on if there's some kind of emergency.

You've said you're not worried that he'll have a mad party.

I guess the only thing is what happens if he gets to night 2 if he's unhappy? Could he sleep over with a mate or your friend if that happens?

I think this is a MN thing. It's not something people irl given a second thought tbh.

Yeah I'd let him. I stayed on my own for 2 weeks during the summer at that age as I had a new part time job (full time in summer) that I would have lost if I had to go

Christ at 16 I was routinely home alone when my mum went on holiday (as I'd rather have died than gone), and went on holiday with my boyfriend and friends.

I have ASD and ADHD and was always absolutely fine!

I'd be concerned about a 16yr old who couldn't be left for a few days, or who would feel too sad!!

Surprised at so many nos I think it’s fine. I’d just caution him telling anyone at college he’s alone don’t want gatecrashers trying to party. He knows where to ask in an emergency.
Assuming he’s lower sixth he will be at uni in 18 months.

I couldn’t do it with my 16 year old. They can be very careless but oblivious. Also they can panic if something goes wrong eg when we had a power cut they could not cope. They are fine when I am around but I would not trust them. If they had a sensible friend to stay fine but they don’t!

A few days home alone is surely safer than a weekend at Reading or Leeds festival, which thousands of 16 year olds do every summer.

Well, what’s your concern, why wouldn’t you? You must have some concerns to be asking the question. If he is happy to be left and you’ve left him overnight before which you say you have, and he’s sensible etc then what’s the issue?

The fact this is even a question shows how fucked up society is..

of course it should be fine to leave a 16 year old

Yep.. the root cause of all societal issues are those pesky 16 year olds not being left home alone for days at a time.

Seriously, get a grip

My ds is ADHD and autistic, he is sensible and I would leave him a couple of nights if there was someone nearby in case of emergency.

How weird is it that we worry these days so much about leaving 16 years for a few days when we're so much more easily contactable, 24/7, pretty much anywhere, in many different ways?

“Yep.. the root cause of all societal issues are those pesky 16 year olds not being left home alone for days at a time.

Seriously, get a grip"

Get a grip? Hmm.

Depends on the 16 year old. But in general yes: if he is happy to be left and you basically trust him to be sensible then I think that's fine. You are not out of the country and there are people you trust near him.

the fact it's even a question is indicative of how off-centre and pathetic we're becoming as a society.

Thankfully my grip is fine

My parents left me home alone for 10 days when they went on their summer holidays when I was 16. No one checked in on me (other than them via text) or supervised me at all, and it was perfectly fine. They did know I was very boring and not the type to have a wild party while they were gone though.

What do people think will happen?

I knew someone who had a serious fire in the house when left home alone, I knew many who had very unsuitable people turn up, and I had my own experience of being left alone.

As I said upthread, I wouldn't leave mine because I was left, I know this has skewed my thinking - but often people who have seen bad things are more wary, and people who haven't had those experiences assume all will be well.

Worry is not necessarily a sign of a soft disposition, it is often a result of lived experience. Once bitten, twice shy and all that!