Possible cheating at start of relationship

[MsRachelHasSavedMySanity]

My partner and I have been together for 2 years last month. Our little one was born end of December 23. Yes, it was quick. He has a child from a previous relationship, he turned 2 in February just past. We basically got together when the little one was a couple of months old, DP had been split up from his ex since the beginning of the pregnancy, things hadn't been working for a while

I was using my DPs laptop and his WhatsApp was open. He doesn't use WhatsApp much, he had it open as the last message was from a friend who does use it, he's more of a fb messenger/texter, so there aren't that many messages on it. I noticed old messages between him and his ex, dated a month after him and I got together. They now communicate via text so all recent messages between them are on that.

Anyway, I know I shouldn't have, and i was genuinely just being nosey (yes, i know i should have respected his privacy) but i clicked on the thread. It seems as though there was an overlap between me and ex. Their little one was born in Feb, and until May, almost 3 months later, there were photos of the three of them looking happy, him telling her that he couldn't wait to finish work see her and LO, that the two of them were his "favourite people in the world" etc. So basically we started chatting at the start of March, first date at the end of March, however there was still 'something' between them until May of that year. From the messages, perhaps not fully together, but not as apart as my DP made out. DP had moved in with his brother by this point but was round at their old house they shared together a good few times a week to spend time with the baby, as he told me then.

I don't know what to do with this. We now have our baby who is 4 months old, we have just put an offer in for a house. It's the dishonesty from him, even though it was 2 years ago, at the start of our relationship. There is definitely nothing going on between him and the ex now, they only communicate for the little one. I barely see her, DP collects him from nursery and drops off at nursery in the morning. Is this bad?

He has a good job and will actually be putting in more of a deposit than I am.

I know I'll need to ask him about this but I may not even get the truth....

I wondered the same

If you genuinely believe that then why would you want to be with him anyway?

I can’t imagine wanting to start a life & buy a home with someone if I can’t trust them to answer me honestly when I ask a question?

That’s great then, you’re on even footing financially.

Just the issue of lieing to deal with then.

I always thought he'd be truthful but he clearly hasn't been about this.

So this guy dumps his GF when she is heavily pregnant and/or just given birth and then hooks up with a woman he has met at the gym. He doesn’t sound like a prize OP.

It’s up to you, but personally I wouldn’t even be thinking about committing to a 25+ year mortgage with someone that I can’t even trust.

If he was telling this woman she was the world to him while he was dating you that does not sound like someone you can trust.

The only way to know what to do is to have a conversation with him and see how he reacts to everything.

If he comes clean and takes responsibility and acts like an adult that would be great. But considering he's 40 now i'm expecting a lot of excuses, minimising it and denial. At worst he will turn it around on you and will make you feel guilty.

So for your own good and that of your child, act appropriately and don't be a doormat.

Are you the same OP that got a message from the ex that made you doubt the timeline? Sounds incredibly similar situation?

Don't buy a house with this man.

And you believed him?

"Are you the same OP that got a message from the ex that made you doubt the timeline? Sounds incredibly similar situation"

That's because it's an incredibly common pattern of behaviour.

No, not me, this is the first time I've posted on here.

Yes he was cheating at the beginning - with YOU!

Have you already posted about this?

To be honest getting together with someone who has just left his pregnant wife and then immediately having a baby together was bad enough in itself... He sounds unreliable but your judgement isn't great either. Make sure you protect yourself financially and retain financial independence

There is absolutely nothing in our relationship that gives me any cause for concern

So why are you posting on here about his cheating then?

I would be concerned if I were you and it would definitely stop me in my tracks of making such a financial commitment.

He's a cheat.

How do you know he's not going to dump you when he sees someone else he fancies at the gym?

Because this new information has taken me aback. Before this, there was nothing of concern. He's at work at the moment so can't discuss with him.

The speed with which he started a new real ion shop and had another baby would give me huge reasons for concern.

*relationship

I don't think you've been together long enough (and definitely not without a baby involved either born or pregnant with) to build up enough trust for who he genuinely is. For this reason I'd proceed with caution.

Have you posted about this before? There was another post very similar to this a few days back, where someone had got together with a man with had a two-year-old, who had supposedly split with his partner during her pregnancy, but had apparently moved back in full or part time when the baby was born 'just to help out', and then the ex had got in touch to let you know that in fact, the pair of them were very much together when the baby was born and had essentially lived together as a family, and had shown evidence of photos of family days out and cosy messages. That poster had had a baby very quickly as well.

If you're someone different, but in an eerily similar situation, then I'll say what most people said on the other thread - he lied to you and he lied to her. He's a cheat.

Meh. It might have been "something", but you are making assumptions as to what degree, apart from the fact that he clearly wanted to spend time with his new baby. And you've been together for nearly a year, and she's clearly in the past now. I'd forget about it.

There was a small overlap involving my DH and his ex....I think he was just putting off finishing with her for good because he knew she'd be hurt. That was 30 years ago, and we're still together.

An emotionally intelligent man doesn't go out looking for women when he has a newborn baby. He prioritises the child, and building a relationship with the child.
He was never one to be trusted.