Why do people not like using holiday clubs?

[Youdirtylittlehamster]

Speaking to ex-MIL. She's off with me. I don't know why. Later she comes to the point, why have I booked the DC's into holiday clubs when she could have them for free.
I don't want to tell her that it's because she doesn't do anything with them. Sometimes when I've picked them up she's let them be on their tablets all day, they haven't eaten any proper meals (once, just Hariono and crisps) they haven't washed or got changed, they aren't learning anything.
The reason I don't want to tell her is because I don't think she feels that any of this is important.
We fundamentally don't see eye to eye about this topic. She feels school holidays are for doing whatever the children want, with no limits or demands of them. She never worked when her children are school so doesn't get why I have to work them, and why I don't just tell my boss that I'm taking every school holiday off as 'I have children so surely they must understand'.

I like holiday clubs. I like the variety of the things they do. I like that they come home with stories and make new friends. My DD has EBSA at times, and it is much better to keep the routine of getting up in the week, getting dressed, having that separation from me. They do things there that I'm not good at like sports and baking. They meet kids from other schools and walks of life. Yes it is expensive but can be spread over a few months or budgeted for. If you are on UC then you can claim it back.

The amount of mums on single parent FB groups who limit their careers by only looking for term time jobs. Surely if you choose a job which pays 30k rather than 18K pro rata but you have to work some school holidays then you still end up better off?
I wonder if part of it is how they were brought up. I always went to holiday clubs, as my mum worked, so I don't think badly of them. The way some of my friends talk it's like I'm sending them down the pit!

Totally agree with this. I think people have absurdly rose tinted ideas about what the much vaunted “downtime” involves.

People are always banging on about the importance of kids “being bored” and talk as if it’s an Elysian time of riding on bikes, drawing and home baking. It’s not like this any more. Like it or not (and I don’t but there’s not much I can do about it), “downtime” for most kids these days means hours on YouTube. Unless the parents are around all the time to police this or there’s a hardline no screens policy in place (which is unworkable after a certain age), it’s an inevitability that this is the default choice.

A couple of days of this won’t do any long term harm but the idea that this is preferable to an organised club simply because there’s no structure is madness.

I work full time most of the time and don’t have the luxury of grandparent care and there’s no way I would have preferred to leave my kid languishing in front of the TV all day when she could be doing drama or sport or learning something. Parents who have the luxury of free childcare should crack on and enjoy it but they should recognise how lucky they are. Pretending there’s some Narnia in which kids self police and limit themselves to raiding the dressing up box is fantasy.

having to mix with people you don’t know and have all that fresh anxiety for people you’re never going to see again. As a massive introvert I needed time away from school.

Ha, that was me as a child! All those people saying kids make new friends in holiday clubs forget that not all kids enjoy that kind of setup.

I think a mix of both is best and obviously it depends on the child. My DD hates to stay in the house all day and loves holiday clubs (meeting and playing with new children, trying different activities etc). She will do a mix of both in summer holidays and the days I’m off she will want to be doing something out the house.

If your DC are happy going to ex MILs I’d let them go once a week. I wouldn’t be happy with them going anymore than that if she didn’t even take them for a walk / to the park / bike ride etc.

Also I went to holiday clubs as a child and loved them, I looked forward to them every year.

This isn’t that though. OP hasn’t come on asking whether she should go for clubs or grandparents, weighing up the pros and cons of each.

She’s come on saying that she doesn’t believe that children should ‘do nothing’ in the holidays and furthermore, that single mums should budget and make better career choices to ensure that their own children can also go to clubs and not ‘do nothing’.

come on.

Your calculations excluded the value people get from spending time with their children.

I should add, I do agree that your MIL's offering doesn't sound great.

She’s come on saying that she doesn’t believe that children should ‘do nothing’ in the holidays and furthermore, that single mums should budget and make better career choices to ensure that their own children can also go to clubs and not ‘do nothing’.

This is disingenuous. What she is saying is that she prefers her kids to be in a structured setting where they are doing something positive that arsing around at their grandparents house doing very little.

And questioning why people assume by default that family care is always better even if the family care is pretty unimaginative. I can totally understand that.

😃 agree

There also seems to be an assumption that holiday clubs do not have any unstructured activities or "down time"

School, learning, structure, sports, clubs and being with other children is great fun but also very tiring for children. Sometimes you need to let them just 'be'.

They can't sit around in their PJs watching their chosen programme/do their chosen activity whenever they want.

They may have some allotted quiet time, but it's not as flexible as being at home

I think it really depends on the club, the quality of it and the personality of the child. I did a lot of holiday clubs as a kid.

The ones that were really focused on a skill: tennis camp, pottery camp, drama etc. were enjoyable.

The cheap childcare ones run by teenagers, where everyone is just hyped up and misbehaving. The kids know. I hated those.

Obviously it's not up to your mother-in-law to decide what you do with your kids in the holidays.

However, in answer to your question 'Why do people not like holiday clubs?' I would imagine the answer is that different people have different priorities and different kids enjoy different things. Not every child enjoys having every day scheduled and organised, and not every child likes to be with a group of other kids 24/7. Some kids much, much prefer doing their own thing and making their own entertainment.

I would have LOATHED holiday clubs when I was a kid; I just preferred the freedom of being able to get up and think 'Oooh, what do I fancy doing today?' and my older brother was much the same. I also had a few good friends local to me so we'd 'knock for' each other if we were bored, and I could socialise when I wanted to. My very happiest childhood memories are of the school holidays and the mad schemes my brother and I used to come up with to entertain ourselves.

And some parents do just really enjoy spending those days with their kids, if they have that option. My mum always did - she chose to work in term-time only jobs for that reason. She really loved being able to spend the holidays with us and hated it when school re-started.

If holiday clubs work for your family, that's great, but not everyone's the same. I can totally see why some kids love them, and why they're a brilliant childcare solution for some parents. But it's not difficult to see why they wouldn't be ideal for everyone.

2 weeks (actually it's nearer 3 for my DS) looking at his phone or playing xbox is not great IMO.
He's 15 so should be out and about with his mates, except many of them are away or also on their xbox. Sigh.
The fucking bus let him down again this morning so I needed to take him to the gym and will need to collect him. We live rurally.

School holidays as a working lone parent are very hard. I'd have bitten my arm off to have had family offer to mind DS when he was younger. I did use holiday clubs and then later on pretty expensive but more specialised football clubs. He didn't enjoy being shunted off day after day.

It's not the end of the world, but after years and years of it I'm just worn down and wish things had been and were different for him.

For me, it was the rigid structure of having their day mapped out, being told what to do when (no different from school) and the lack of free time to explore the world at will (without having fixed plans). I was fortunate not to have to work in the holidays when my kids were young and accept that's not possible for everyone - but we had some great adventures together and went on trips to all sorts of varied places.

No, what she is literally saying is I'm saying that it's odd that women will choose for example low paid school office work (vastly underpaid for the skills involved) just to not work school holidays.

So not simply a discussion on her choices and what works for her.

mine went once or twice but having 3 made it quite difficult. plus my dm was a proper nana who took my dc out for picnics etc.,

Bit of both? Some days off with dg and some action packed ones.

Yes, exactly. Saying that you feel your kids would be better off doing structured activities than with a grandparent who sits them in front of a screen all day is one thing; saying that you can’t understand why anyone would choose to be paid less so they didn’t have to work in the school holidays is quite another.

@Youdirtylittlehamster

I was raised by a SAHM when we were teenagers we always went to my Nan’s when mum went back to work. I was dead against my two boys going to holiday club but my wife told me to get over it. My mum was not happy as she saw it as we’d rather send them somewhere else even though they didn’t go every day and went to Nan’s as well.

The boys loved it made new friends from different schools. My wife made a new mum friend. My big one played hockey for the first time and stopped playing football and now plays for a hockey team. Little one loves taking a pack lunch as has dinners at school.

All in all I was so wrong about it and they’re had a great time although my Mum is still a bit miffed. I think a mix is nice if you have the support but if you’ve not then I see no issue likewise if you can’t afford it and have to rely on family/friend help. No one should judge anyone’s choices

Clearly you are missing the whole point of this thread. The people posting here use holiday clubs because they are working. They don't have time to take the kids swimming, meet up with friends and anything else that needs adult supervision

@roses2 i rather think that you have missed the point. OP is openly questioning/criticising parents (particularly single) who make a different choice to her i.e working term time only so the DO have the time to do that

my kids would've hated holiday club. Holidays for us are about relaxing and having no alarm clock or strict constraints. i do work term time only in a school- i don't think i could stand a normal job with 21 days holiday a year. i'm not pro rata though.

But you do have an option. Your exMIL has offered to have them. It sounds like you just don't want her to.

My ds always loved the local council holiday club. He used to spend his summer days while I was at work, cycling around the grounds of the local senior school with his little 'tribe'. Or reading his book in the shade of a tree, or playing cricket or making chocolate brownies with the carers.

He was very clear he didn't like SuperCamps which he said was too regimented, endless sport and no holiday at all. So I booked the provision that he enjoyed and we were both happy.

If your dc is happier and more engaged at holiday club, that's all you need to know.

A couple of days of this won’t do any long term harm but the idea that this is preferable to an organised club simply because there’s no structure is madness.

Why is it madness to suggest that some children thrive on unstructured downtime during the holidays?

Some children clearly thrive in the structure of holiday club, but for others the environment is stressful and overwhelming, especially when they're there every single day and are basically in a "school routine" all year round.

I went to a holiday club that took place at my school. I hated it. It felt like I was in school year-round and only got a break at weekends. But a different set-up with specific activities (for example) may have felt entirely different.

Lone parents have a double whammy - they are less likely to be able to afford to work term time only jobs (unless they are not pro rata - think I've got that the right way!) and also need to use holiday clubs because they are working and don't have a partner's support.

The guilt can be bad. I have people telling me "oh a couple of weeks of screen time won't harm him". True. But I've been a lone parents from when he was 7 - that's a lot of school holidays.