Why do people not like using holiday clubs?

[Youdirtylittlehamster]

Speaking to ex-MIL. She's off with me. I don't know why. Later she comes to the point, why have I booked the DC's into holiday clubs when she could have them for free.
I don't want to tell her that it's because she doesn't do anything with them. Sometimes when I've picked them up she's let them be on their tablets all day, they haven't eaten any proper meals (once, just Hariono and crisps) they haven't washed or got changed, they aren't learning anything.
The reason I don't want to tell her is because I don't think she feels that any of this is important.
We fundamentally don't see eye to eye about this topic. She feels school holidays are for doing whatever the children want, with no limits or demands of them. She never worked when her children are school so doesn't get why I have to work them, and why I don't just tell my boss that I'm taking every school holiday off as 'I have children so surely they must understand'.

I like holiday clubs. I like the variety of the things they do. I like that they come home with stories and make new friends. My DD has EBSA at times, and it is much better to keep the routine of getting up in the week, getting dressed, having that separation from me. They do things there that I'm not good at like sports and baking. They meet kids from other schools and walks of life. Yes it is expensive but can be spread over a few months or budgeted for. If you are on UC then you can claim it back.

The amount of mums on single parent FB groups who limit their careers by only looking for term time jobs. Surely if you choose a job which pays 30k rather than 18K pro rata but you have to work some school holidays then you still end up better off?
I wonder if part of it is how they were brought up. I always went to holiday clubs, as my mum worked, so I don't think badly of them. The way some of my friends talk it's like I'm sending them down the pit!

What's wrong with 2 weeks of doing nothing ? God wish i was back at a time when i had such long holidays ahead of me to do nothing? You need days to switch off and do nothing - too much structure is wrong too

I used to feel really guilty when my kids were in holiday clubs because they (well DD ) mainly didn't enjoy them. Most of their friends had a SAHM and didn't go to them.
IL lived too far away to offer regular help and I didn't like to ask them.

And my MIL is also the type to feed them sweets, chocolate and sausage rolls when she looks after my kids - I really couldn’t give a fuck. A day of crap eating won’t kill them and being so tightly wound that Haribos make panic set in is not healthy.

@TimeandMotion I think part of it is always having hte same rules from when they start having screens.
For a start mine always had to ask whether they could put the TV on. I kept the screens put away, and only I got them out.
Having a set time can help - eg the half hour before dinner while you are cooking. They go away once dinner is ready so there is a definite cut off point.
The other side of this is to make sure that there are things for them to do if they really can't find something themselves. Sometimes that may involve you joining in with an activity, or at least getting them started with an activity.

We have 2 week half-terms 3 times a year (not U.K.) Often, DS (now 11) goes to holiday club for one of the weeks and the other week we go away or are off work to go on day trips. As we can sign him up for days and half-days individually, sometimes he goes for 4 or 4.5 days if we want to do a family activity.

The holiday club is 2 mins. walk from home and there are always a couple of friends there the same week, but we also like that he meets and plays with some new people. DS loves being outdoors in any weather and a good part of the club is running around, playing, etc. outdoors so he comes home happy and tired and having spent absolutely no time in front of a screen.

Typically, he also learns some new board/card/dice type games that he likes to come home and tell us about. They also do activities like basic cooking and gardening and go for walks/treasure hunts in the local parks, and one at least one of the days they go on a trip (e.g. last holiday they went to watch a handball match).

It is more expensive than him being at home (but much cheaper than actually entertaining him esp. in winter); I think the most expensive part is the lunch, but it's good quality food and he eats it. Most of all it's much more exciting for him to play with friends so overall it's not bad value. He's always been an early bird and has never said he doesn't want to go.

DD is 12 and there is no equivalent for her (secondary school) so we try to arrange as many inexpensive, interesting activities to keep her from just wanting to watch TV. I think she and we would prefer if there were a holiday club alternative where she could go and do some sport, cooking, gardening, board games for half a day (we do sign her up for proper sport camps but they are so expensive and typically only 1 or 2 hours per day).

Round here there is no stigma about holiday clubs (that I know of), all kids go for at least a few days during the holidays even if the parents don't work.

In brief, YANBU, OP.

Same!! Where are these cheap clubs?

my DS did go to one last week that was a donation only run by the church (I bunged them a fiver) but it was a 2 hour craft session, I sent him to give him a bit of variety but certainly couldn’t use it as childcare to work, I still had the day off.

If by doing nothing” you mean “not learning” then I take it you spend annual leave doing courses or working on the side? After all it’s not good to do nothing right?

PS it’s very good to do nothing. Children are not workers bees, then need time to relax and just be kids, and schools these days push them in a way we wouldn’t have been pushed.

Peter Ashley activity centre in Portsmouth. £20 for 9-5. Archery, orienteering, crafting, laser tag etc etc. it is super. It is a charity. I told them I thought they were undercharging but they said they want it to be accessible for all. Fills up very quickly!

I'm not judging you at all, you absolutely know what is best for your DC.

When mine were at school they would have hated to go to holiday club every day. They really looked forward to relaxing in the school hols.

I wouldn't have said I 'didn't like' using them, I just felt them unnecessary as a SAHM. MY DC don't want to go and I liked having them at home.

Ah the “Just budget for it” school of thought. Really helpful for single parents on NMW who would be worse off having a term time job because they have 3 kids, no family help and holiday clubs cost them £90 a day. Just budget for it 🙄

I have to say I find when people criticise others for working less than them it’s borne from envy and rather than insisting no one ever had a term time job, just get one yourself

Thanks but I’m trying to encourage self-amusement so setting up an activity defeats that purpose. He has shelves full of books and Lego and games and construction stuff but they are carefully managed so that there is not too much choice. We talk often about what the options are but at almost eight I am not picking something for him and setting it up. He hates crafts, which is no problem to me, he is clear about his likes and dislikes by now.

I agree with you re doing two weeks of nothing! I can’t take the whole school holidays off and neither can my children’s father. We do a mix of leave, school holiday club and one or two days with my mum. My mum loves my children dearly but she is not very physically able and mainly lets them sit in front of the tv all day, as she would struggle doing something physical with them each day, which is much worse for their behaviour than going to holiday club.

Yes they can be expensive but not so much that choosing a 18k a year job over a 30k one makes financial sense.

Depends how many kids you have

You literally have the option of your MIL.

I honestly think it depends on the kid but I also do think having some non-structured time for kids is beneficial for all kids.

I'm a massive introvert and need a fair bit of time away from others. I would have hated holiday clubs myself and my kids are similar so I only used them when absolutely necessary. Another mum I knew used them extensively but she had an only child who was very outgoing and loved being around other kids all the time so it was the right decision for her.

Yes, but not be on an ipad all day.

My daughter is 7 and asks to go to holiday club, she chose that this week over going to her grandparents, she loves them and they do do stuff with her, but she has so much fun at holiday club.
She does pretty much all the activities but it isn't forced, kids can go off and do their own thing if they want, sometimes she will just go lay down in the corner for a chill so i'm not worried about her not getting a break, and we always make sure the Sunday before back to school is a chill at home day.

I’m one of those women who’s ‘limiting my career’ 🙄 by choosing to work term time only. I actually like spending the holidays with my children.

A mixture is nicest. Playing at home is great, but not all day every day for 6 weeks solid. DS is very social; you can stick him in front of the TV for maybe 2 hours at most before he'll switch it off and want to play. He's 6 and has no siblings, so 30 minutes playing alone is about his limit; mostly he wants us to play imaginative games, lego or ball games with him. We have lots of days out as a family doing activities, a few grandparent days out or in, lots of club days or half days (usually on days friends are going, no more than 2 each week), play dates out, play dates at home, and then yes - some quieter days playing at home with maybe just a big walk in the woods. Most weeks have a mix of big busy days and more relaxed ones.

We luckily have a lot of great holiday club provision priced from £32-60/ day; 10-1 sport camp, 8-6/ 10-4 camps with a mix of activities but can do just am or pm, an 8/10-6 forest school with soft play, a watersports club. The only one he was less keen on was his school, who deliberately have a structured similar theme every day because they cater for ND children and include school meals; fine for the first day, but he had 3 days and was bored wanting the "better" camps. He has two he likes at the moment and 2 older kids camps we didn't try yet (deliberately, so they'll be fresh when he's bored of one of the others). It's a great way for them to hang out, he comes home filthy and exhausted.

Admittedly DS's grandparents are more interactive; I asked DS if he would take toys yesterday and he said "No thanks, Nana has loads of things and we're cooking". On balance though, I'd think it's nice that MIL wants them, and they will have time bonding in their own way, so unless the kids object furiously I'd send them to her for a few days sprinkled through holidays with a packed lunch, some games and books. Say just on Wednesdays if you would otherwise use camp all week. Camp on the days before will wear them out, and ask the kids to put tablets away for some of their day to use the other toys.

We love them. And I think they are great value, especially after nursery fees as we only need them a few times a year.

MIL needs to butt out. You also need to ask her why she isnt having this conversation with her SON. Or is childcare a womans job?

I'd like to know where the £20 a day holiday clubs are! Round here the cheapest is nearly double that. Like the PP mine do a few days in clubs/with friends/relatives and we take some leave. The kids enjoy the clubs but for 3 kids at around £35-40 a day each it's not a cheap option and has to be balanced.

Our council runs them for £15 a day from 9-3 at the local leisure centre, mostly supervised by teens and young adults. You sign up and pay in advanced, first come first serve. I’m in Oxfordshire.

I’m glad for holiday clubs, especially for SEN DS1 who hates being out of routine and because of it wants to go out of the house several times a day and throws a tantrum when it doesn’t happen and when out likes to remain on the go and doesn’t like stopping for more than 5 minutes. While he is at holiday club, I take DS2 and DD1 somewhere. Off to an interactive museum today and train to London next week.

I do make sure DS2 does some optional school work during this time (phonics, reading, numbots, spelling) which is only 30-45 minutes of his entire day whenever time he likes and the rest is whatever he would like to do within reason.

Clearly you are missing the whole point of this thread. The people posting here use holiday clubs because they are working. They don't have time to take the kids swimming, meet up with friends and anything else that needs adult supervision

I think the issue is probably more that holiday clubs aren't very work friendly. There's only one near us (20 min drive away) and it runs 10-2. By the time I'm back at my desk I can only get a few hours in and then would need to leave to collect them. I assumed the holiday clubs are used by parents who DON'T work to give their kids something to do.

I also looked recently at holiday clubs in my nearest city (researching for a friend) and the hours are the same. They're useless for anyone who works full time.

I think a good camp is like gold dust and other than in cases where little ones are unwell or it’s a lazy day after maybe a period of being extremely busy, children being left to fester - not shower - not fed properly - no structure - no routine - screens all day is not good for them. Sounds like my childhood, so I may have a biased view but it’s horrible for kids to have zero structure to their day. Proper meals is a bare minimum surely. I’m not surprised you don’t agree with your MIL. I would be annoyed if I left my 3 somewhere and they were cared for (or not cared for) in this way.

If your children are happy with the set up and so are you, why give it head space?

I get it's a confusing attitude. But one likely just born out of different priorities and circumstances. If you're unhappy with unlimited screen time and junk food, then this is your best option available for your circumstances.