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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bestfriends wedding

100 replies

Ilikeducks · 02/04/2024 16:40

i really need advice about my best friends wedding. I got married early 2022 and she was my bridesmaid.
my best friend recently got engaged and is planning her wedding early next October. The only problem it falls exactly in the middle of a 2 week holiday to Florida for my 30th birthday and my two children with husband.
my best friend knew we was going to Florida this date as she's already asked when it is.
shes asked if I can cancel my holiday as I'm a bridesmaid so I can attend her wedding.
we've already paid a lot of money already for this holiday and it's also my 30th birthday. What do I do? I said I will need to speak to my husband but she said I'm her childhood best friend so I need to be there but aibu?

also I must add this date isn't any special for my friend it was just a date they fancied but all along she said she was getting married November instead I've had a message to say she's booked the venue and date today.

OP posts:
Lingfield01 · 02/04/2024 16:43

Absolutely YANBU.? If she’s that much of a friend she’ll understand.

LilianaVikavanovich · 02/04/2024 16:44

Good Grief !
Do not even think about cancelling your holiday
she’s a cheeky fucker

PotatoPudding · 02/04/2024 16:44

She is probably going for that date because the venue is cheaper. Why should you lose money because of her? She knew you had your family holiday booked.

You’ll have much greater memories of a family trip to Disney than you will a wedding. I would just say you’ve already paid £2000 and the travel agent have confirmed it’s nonrefundable.

Dacadactyl · 02/04/2024 16:45

YANBU. I wouldn't be out of pocket for anyone (not even my sister) if she'd known the dates of my holiday and booked her wedding anyway.

If you can rearrange without losing money and feel that you wish to do so, I'd probably do that for a handful of friends.

Depends whether you can rearrange without losing money in my book.

Spirallingdownwards · 02/04/2024 16:46

Send a message.

" That's a real pity. We won't be able to make it I wonder if they can set up a livestream like during the pandemic so we can join you remotely?"

RandomButtons · 02/04/2024 16:46

YANBU, sadly you were already booked and you can’t cancel the trip now.

Arrange to do a lovely pre or post wedding girl spa treat day instead.

UncomfortablyBig882 · 02/04/2024 16:47

No, you've booked and paid thousands of pounds you can't get back. If it was that important that you be a bridesmaid, she should have checked with you whether the dates work.

BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs · 02/04/2024 16:55

she said I'm her childhood best friend so I need to be there but aibu?

Why did she book her wedding on a date she knew you couldn't do if it is that important for her that you are there? Or is it only important enough to put you out, but not her?

Don't feel guilted into cancelling your holiday, but be prepared for her to kick off about it.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 02/04/2024 16:56

Are your tickets flexible? Can you both change leave from work? If so and its possible to change the holiday without cost then I would. I wouldnt be bothered about celebrating my birthday at a later date. If its more than a nominal amount (eg fifty quid) admin fee then I wouldn't.

Daffodilsarentfluffy · 02/04/2024 16:57

Well if you are her bestie she will understand you have already made great plans for that week...

DoYouSmokePaul · 02/04/2024 16:58

What self centred arse. If she’s already like this now, you’re better off out of being involved.

PoppingTomorrow · 02/04/2024 16:58

UncomfortablyBig882 · 02/04/2024 16:47

No, you've booked and paid thousands of pounds you can't get back. If it was that important that you be a bridesmaid, she should have checked with you whether the dates work.

This

InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow · 02/04/2024 16:58

If you need to be there then she needs to not pick a date when you're away.

It sounds like she's on some sort of power trip where she's making you choose to see how important she is. It's a game you can't win, so don't participate.

Awrite · 02/04/2024 17:00

Just say your dh said it's not possible.

It is massively unreasonable of her to ask you to move your holiday.

Original poster
Ilikeducks · 02/04/2024 17:01

im having a look into it but if we change our holiday to a later date it's October half term and prices are basically double.

OP posts:
Pinkdelight3 · 02/04/2024 17:02

shes asked if I can cancel my holiday as I'm a bridesmaid so I can attend her wedding.

The answer is a nice nope. End of. The holiday was booked already and she knew it. No way are you changing it.

Notreat · 02/04/2024 17:03

Just say no sorry you have already booked the holiday you can't cancel it so you will have to miss the wedding. You can celebrate with her another time.
I don't understand why some people seem to think a wedding invitation is a summons it's not.

Hatty65 · 02/04/2024 17:04

Dear Friend. Unfortunately we are in Florida on your wedding day, so won't be able to attend. As you know, we booked this holiday to celebrate my 30th and informed you of the dates before you organised your wedding. Thank you for the invitation to be a bridesmaid, but sadly that won't be possible. Hope you have a lovely day.

SummaLuvin · 02/04/2024 17:05

If it's that important for you to be there she would have made certain you could be. My venue (and most) allow you to hold a date free of charge for about a week to check the date with the handful of people who are vital before committing. She didn't do this, or she did and either decided you weren't 100% absolutely needed or banked on you changing your plans.

bellezarara · 02/04/2024 17:06

Ilikeducks · 02/04/2024 17:01

im having a look into it but if we change our holiday to a later date it's October half term and prices are basically double.

OP, she CHOSE to book her wedding on a date you can’t make.

She only cares if you’e there on her terms.

If she really wanted you there she wouldn’t have booked this date.

Please don’t waste hundreds of pounds to accommodate a bridezilla. That money would be much better spent on your kids or saving for their future.

Moveoverdarlin · 02/04/2024 17:06

‘Oh Jane, I’ve been on the phone to the holiday company all morning. We can’t change the holiday. We can obviously cancel, but we lose 5k and I just can’t do that. I’m so frustrated, because I told you the dates I had booked Florida! But the bottom line is we will miss the wedding.

You told her the dates, she booked it anyway.

Prinnny · 02/04/2024 17:06

I would just say to her you knew I was away that date so why choose then? If you pick a date you know I’m unavailable you accept I may not be able to attend. I wouldn’t be changing my holiday, if it was a weekend I Disneyland Paris maybe but not two weeks in Florida.

RemarkablyBrightCreature · 02/04/2024 17:09

WTAF?! No you absolutely can’t - what is wrong with people?! Can’t believe she’s expecting you to change your holiday for her wedding when she could have just booked a different date 😳

Bookworm1111 · 02/04/2024 17:10

You need to bat it back to her.

'We simply cannot afford to cancel the holiday, it will cost us ££££s to do that. I'm a bit baffled that you asked when we had booked to go away and then organised the wedding for the exact same time. Did you honestly not think it would be a problem?'

brocollilover · 02/04/2024 17:10

it’s one of those mumsnet “friendships”

that have no resemblance to what i regard as a friendship let alone a “best friend”