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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bestfriends wedding

100 replies

Ilikeducks · 02/04/2024 16:40

i really need advice about my best friends wedding. I got married early 2022 and she was my bridesmaid.
my best friend recently got engaged and is planning her wedding early next October. The only problem it falls exactly in the middle of a 2 week holiday to Florida for my 30th birthday and my two children with husband.
my best friend knew we was going to Florida this date as she's already asked when it is.
shes asked if I can cancel my holiday as I'm a bridesmaid so I can attend her wedding.
we've already paid a lot of money already for this holiday and it's also my 30th birthday. What do I do? I said I will need to speak to my husband but she said I'm her childhood best friend so I need to be there but aibu?

also I must add this date isn't any special for my friend it was just a date they fancied but all along she said she was getting married November instead I've had a message to say she's booked the venue and date today.

OP posts:
strawberry2017 · 02/04/2024 20:45

If I had a prearranged holiday booked and they knew the dates I would be politely saying f**k off. If she wanted you there so much she would have avoided the 2 weeks of the 52 in a year to book her wedding.
She sounds like a complete b*tch to put you in this position.
Say sorry I'm unable to make this work.you don't owe her an explanation. This has made me so angry on your behalf!

WandaWonder · 02/04/2024 20:48

You already booked and paid for if so no she is being a drama queen

strawberry2017 · 02/04/2024 20:48

I would have picked Florida over my own wedding! You will have so much more fun there then at a wedding!

Mmmm19 · 02/04/2024 20:50

she booked when she knew you’d booked a big trip-that’s on her!

QueenBitch666 · 02/04/2024 20:53

She's a cheeky fucker. How dare she expect you to cancel your holiday. The brazen entitlement here is jaw dropping

Itsallfunngamesuntil · 02/04/2024 20:58

I'd say something like this

'Hey bridezilla

Was over the moon to be asked to be bridesmaid, especially when you explained your wedding would be in Nov and that you knew it wouldn't clash with our planned holiday in October .

Unfortunately we can't change our holiday dates, but if you do decide to revert back to a wedding date in November we'd be so happy to be able to attend.

If oct date still stands......would be great if we could somehow celebrate your special day online xx'

Better still though.....I'd phone her to explain

TheFormidableMrsC · 02/04/2024 21:01

It's almost as if she's testing you isn't it? Or is jealous of your holiday. No decent friend would ask you to do this. I'd be really hurt by that behaviour. There is nothing to discuss, your holiday is booked and is non refundable 🤷🏻‍♀️

TheFormidableMrsC · 02/04/2024 21:04

Shoes232 · 02/04/2024 19:00

I honestly think some brides and grooms arrange things on purpose just to push their guests to test how important they are. I’ve had this twice with midweek weddings and I regret moving heaven and earth to go to both of them.

I agree with you.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 02/04/2024 21:33

I wouldn't move the holiday but I would be tempted to lessen the blow by telling her that you've checked and aren't able to move the holiday. I just think if she thinks you're just refusing to move it, you'll ruin the friendship. Although, that also depends on how much you want to keep the peace really...

canttakeberries · 02/04/2024 21:38

Ilikeducks · 02/04/2024 17:01

im having a look into it but if we change our holiday to a later date it's October half term and prices are basically double.

Don't change date
Can't believe the cheek of her

Morechocmorechoc · 02/04/2024 21:39

I'm sorry we looked at changing it but it doubles the cost and we cannot afford it. I did tell you before you picked your dates the only couple of weeks I couldn't do. I'd love to be there but I can't do those dates as you already knew. Simple. Family first.

Londonrach1 · 02/04/2024 21:41

Sorry bf I can't be a bridesmaid, we celebrate when I'm back from my pre booked and paid for holiday. Give nice present and card. Don't cancel the holiday.

Roryhon · 02/04/2024 21:42

“You’re her childhood best friend so you need to be there” but as your childhood best friend she deliberately picked a date that she knew you were unavailable on…

A good friend of mine could only book her dream venue the day after my wedding - and it was at the other end of the country so neither of us could go to each other’s weddings. We sent cards and presents, good luck notes for the day before, and we always wish each other happy anniversary (18 years on!). Neither of us took offence that the other couldn’t come nor made any demands. We’re still good friends.

2chocolateoranges · 02/04/2024 21:52

Do not change your holiday.

she knew your holiday plans and what date you were going. You have already made plans before she asked you to be bridesmaid..

JPGR · 02/04/2024 22:00

Definitely do not cancel your holiday. Tough luck if she doesn’t like it.

Snugglemonkey · 02/04/2024 22:55

Of course you should not cancel. She knew! You are unavailable this date.

Gcsunnyside23 · 02/04/2024 23:23

I would not cancel. That's really poor form of her to ask and if she was so desperate you be there she wouldn't pick the only date you can't. You've already sunk alot of money into your holiday and if my friend asked me to cancel and lose the money for this situation I wouldnt even tell her I'm considering it

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/04/2024 01:41

Her wedding is the most important thing in her life and she has done what a lot of brides do and assume that that makes it the most important thing in everyone elses life too.

Put it back onto her. Its her problem, so she needs to solve it.

"I am really sorry and you know I would love to be there but this holiday was already booked, its the trip of a lifetime that we have saved a long time for and moving it would cost far too much. I would be thrilled to be there if you can move the date."

redalex261 · 03/04/2024 02:56

You had booked your trip and told her dates. Unreasonable for her to ask you to change them. In fact unbelievable cheek.

Autienotnaughtie · 03/04/2024 03:20

When I was planning my wedding my bf let me know that if I chose a weekday she wouldn't be able to attend if it was term time (teacher)
I got married in August.

If she had wanted to accommodate you she would have. If you can change the holiday without it costing you anything then I would begrudgingly do it. Otherwise I would decline the wedding.

WoodBurningStov · 03/04/2024 13:38

You booked your trip first, if she wants you there she needs to pick another date. If she can't then it's tough.

MinnieGirl · 03/04/2024 13:43

I did remind you I was on holiday in October when you asked me to be a bridesmaid. You said you were booking for November. There is no way I can change my holiday, and to be honest, I don’t want to! Im sure you will have a beautiful day and we will all think of you both xx

KreedKafer · 03/04/2024 14:42

No, absolutely do not cancel your birthday trip to Florida for your friend's wedding. She KNEW you had a holiday booked! She cannot possibly expect you to change your plans because she CHOSE to book her wedding right in the middle of it.

If she kicks off over this, she isn't a good friend at all.

whoscoatsthatjacket2012 · 04/04/2024 08:10

Hell no way would I cancel my holiday or change it for someone else's wedding
She chose to book it in the dates you are away so that's on her.

SevenSeasOfRhye · 04/04/2024 08:12

Tell her, only if she pays your cancellation costs and the extra it will cost you to rebook!

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