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Original poster

Bestfriends wedding

100 replies

Ilikeducks · 02/04/2024 16:40

i really need advice about my best friends wedding. I got married early 2022 and she was my bridesmaid.
my best friend recently got engaged and is planning her wedding early next October. The only problem it falls exactly in the middle of a 2 week holiday to Florida for my 30th birthday and my two children with husband.
my best friend knew we was going to Florida this date as she's already asked when it is.
shes asked if I can cancel my holiday as I'm a bridesmaid so I can attend her wedding.
we've already paid a lot of money already for this holiday and it's also my 30th birthday. What do I do? I said I will need to speak to my husband but she said I'm her childhood best friend so I need to be there but aibu?

also I must add this date isn't any special for my friend it was just a date they fancied but all along she said she was getting married November instead I've had a message to say she's booked the venue and date today.

OP posts:
Wishimaywishimight · 02/04/2024 18:54

OP, you are nuts to consider this for even a nano second! I would have laughed at such a nonsensical request, assuming she was joking.

Unitedthebest · 02/04/2024 18:54

Different scenario but I recently arranged a party for my 40th and just booked the date. When I told some of my closest friends they already had plans (literally my own stupid fault for not checking!) I decided to change my date (after checking with them this time) as it was important for them to be there and was my fault in first place 🤷‍♀️

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 02/04/2024 18:54

Tell her you'll go to her next one.

Windysquall · 02/04/2024 18:56

LilianaVikavanovich · 02/04/2024 16:44

Good Grief !
Do not even think about cancelling your holiday
she’s a cheeky fucker

This!!

Youdontknowmedoyou · 02/04/2024 18:57

Ilikeducks · 02/04/2024 17:01

im having a look into it but if we change our holiday to a later date it's October half term and prices are basically double.

Don't change your holiday. You booked first and she knew. She's been rude and not thought of you at all, which is fine because it's her wedding, but she cannot possibly really expect you to change your plans when she knew them all along?

Or have we missed something?

toomuchfaff · 02/04/2024 18:57

So she knew your holiday dates and she still booked her wedding and wants YOU to cancel? Tell her to get fucked.

What kind of narcissist, central character arsehole does that?

Not a chance in hell I would be contemplating attending that wedding. My answer would be as many have stated... Ah you chose those dates, we're in Florida (no apology here!), we won't be able to attend, hope you have a beautiful day.

For my wedding, I contacted the people I wanted there and asked if they had issue with my date, one did, she was newly pregnant and the date meant she'd be unable to travel. So I moved my date to accommodate her... because she couldn't move hers! your mate is a cf.

Hotgirlwinter · 02/04/2024 18:59

I mean it’s obviously up to you if you want to reschedule your holiday, you wouldn’t be unreasonable either way tbh.

Like many PPs have said, if it was so important for you to be there why has she booked it knowing you’d be out of the country?

Id consider moving it for something that couldn’t be avoided or absolutely had no chance of being held on another date in theory, but seeing as she can literally get married on any other date then no I wouldn’t move it. She is incredibly entitled - who imagines that someone would cancel a 2 week family holiday just to be BM 🤣 A weekend at centre parcs maybe, a 5k Disney trip no

Shoes232 · 02/04/2024 19:00

I honestly think some brides and grooms arrange things on purpose just to push their guests to test how important they are. I’ve had this twice with midweek weddings and I regret moving heaven and earth to go to both of them.

Starzinsky · 02/04/2024 19:00

Red flags, take your birthday trip.

Original poster
Ilikeducks · 02/04/2024 19:00

Youdontknowmedoyou · 02/04/2024 18:57

Don't change your holiday. You booked first and she knew. She's been rude and not thought of you at all, which is fine because it's her wedding, but she cannot possibly really expect you to change your plans when she knew them all along?

Or have we missed something?

Show quote history

Hi no you haven't missed anything
I booked this holiday early march this year as it's expensive and wanted to save.
she got engaged two weeks ago day after she came round and asked me to be bridesmaid I was very honoured. But since then she's booked her wedding the only time I can't do next year I even reminded her when she asked me to be bridesmaid I will be away in Florida for two weeks but I was told not to worry about it as they was looking for November time anyway.

OP posts:
xyz111 · 02/04/2024 19:01

How odd. Why on earth would she book it for when she knows you're away? That's just bizarre behaviour.

Youdontknowmedoyou · 02/04/2024 19:01

She's got someone else in mind for bridesmaid duties and doesn't know how to tell you so she's booked the wedding knowing you can't go.

NewName24 · 02/04/2024 19:02

BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs · 02/04/2024 16:55

she said I'm her childhood best friend so I need to be there but aibu?

Why did she book her wedding on a date she knew you couldn't do if it is that important for her that you are there? Or is it only important enough to put you out, but not her?

Don't feel guilted into cancelling your holiday, but be prepared for her to kick off about it.

This.

If it was so important to her that you were there, then why did she book it on a date when she knew you couldn't be there ? Confused

I 'get' that you can't accommodate everyone when wedding planning, but, if there is no significance to this particular date, and she is looking 18months away, then she had a choice - book that day and get married without you or book another date that you can go to.

theemmadilemma · 02/04/2024 19:08

No, she's a fucker.

My best friend made sure I was free on her dates (abroad) before she booked.

Why would you ask someone to cancel booked plans?

Crowgirl · 02/04/2024 19:10

I don't think this needs to be a drama or a fall out.

It's possible that's the only period her chosen venue could do or there's a financial reason, it's highly possible she was feeling under pressure to lock in the dates before spoken else did.

Just explain that you're truly gutted but just can't afford to rearrange and organise a little jolly together.

letitlego · 02/04/2024 19:14

Absolutely, 💯

NO!

Newestname002 · 02/04/2024 19:31

LilianaVikavanovich · 02/04/2024 16:44

Good Grief !
Do not even think about cancelling your holiday
she’s a cheeky fucker

I couldn't have put it better. She knew you and your family were already committed and she booked clashing dates anyway. Her responsibility that you won't be able to attend her wedding and will, rightly, be giving priority to your husband and children instead of 🌹

Daffodilsarentfluffy · 02/04/2024 19:33

She may be your bf but you have already promised your time and commitment to dh and dc...

Cornflakelover · 02/04/2024 20:01

Don’t be so stupid 😂😂😂

hendoop · 02/04/2024 20:07

Don't cancel Your holiday, your friend knew you were away and has had to book anyway as it may have been limited availability- just still celebrate with her separately and go to all the events around, if she really is a good friend she will be ok with it

BritishBeatleMania · 02/04/2024 20:09

She doesn’t want you there that much if she’s booked the wedding when she knows you’re already away. Just say you can’t go to the wedding.

Iloveacurry · 02/04/2024 20:13

She knew you had booked your holiday. You’ve paid a lot of money already, just say no you can’t attend.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 02/04/2024 20:13

She knew you were going to be on an already booked holiday at that time, chose that date for her wedding anyway and is now asking you to cancel your holiday for her wedding?

That'd be a no from me.

Didimum · 02/04/2024 20:17

No I would not cancel a holiday for this.

Vallmo47 · 02/04/2024 20:26

This triggered a strong memory for me OP of when I was 8.5 months pregnant and my brother got married. He called me to announce he was getting married a couple of months after I’d announced pregnancy, before he’d made plans. He then called again mid way through pregnancy to confirm he was getting married only weeks before my due date. I was stunned into silence and it still hurts today because that’s the day I knew I wasn’t a priority in my brother’s or sister in laws life.

Moral of the story - when people show you who they really are, believe them.
Your friend knew the dates but went ahead anyway. So I would simply say you’re sorry to miss her big day but your tickets are non refundable. If she kicks off you say “I’m really upset too, because you did know when I was away”. It is what it is. Take the holiday. If she’s a true friend she will understand, because you’re not her top priority anyway.