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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bestfriends wedding

100 replies

Ilikeducks · 02/04/2024 16:40

i really need advice about my best friends wedding. I got married early 2022 and she was my bridesmaid.
my best friend recently got engaged and is planning her wedding early next October. The only problem it falls exactly in the middle of a 2 week holiday to Florida for my 30th birthday and my two children with husband.
my best friend knew we was going to Florida this date as she's already asked when it is.
shes asked if I can cancel my holiday as I'm a bridesmaid so I can attend her wedding.
we've already paid a lot of money already for this holiday and it's also my 30th birthday. What do I do? I said I will need to speak to my husband but she said I'm her childhood best friend so I need to be there but aibu?

also I must add this date isn't any special for my friend it was just a date they fancied but all along she said she was getting married November instead I've had a message to say she's booked the venue and date today.

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 02/04/2024 17:12

Birthday is irrelevant, you had been asked and advised when your booked holiday is.

Politely decline the wedding invitation.

SootikinSweep · 02/04/2024 17:12

Blimey, is she for real? She’s either selfish as hell or outstandingly stupid. Better off without her, OP.

UncomfortablyBig882 · 02/04/2024 17:12

When I got married, I double checked my dates with all 4 of my bridesmaids before booking. Because they're my best friends and I wanted them there.

walkerscrispsarethenuts · 02/04/2024 17:13

Do NOT cancel or change the dates. Why should you?

It's a bloody cheek. She knew you would be away then.

Don't let her have that power over you!

savethatkitty · 02/04/2024 17:14

Your 30th birthday & family holiday trumps her wedding.

ClarabelleRose · 02/04/2024 17:14

YANBU. Someone very close to me booked their wedding on my baby’s due date - after they knew what the date was! It wasn’t a happy time and I ended up looking like the bad guy when I suggested that they change the date as I wasn’t able to change mine!

It’s curious that she’s specifically chosen that date for her wedding and then pushed that you’re childhood friends. I mean, it’s almost like she’s trying to force you to prove your loyalty to her or something.

caringcarer · 02/04/2024 17:14

Tell her sorry but she knew you were going on holiday on that date for your 30th birthday. Tell her you'd lose a lot of money if you cancelled now and you don't want to cancel your birthday. She could literally pick any other date. She shouldn't have picked your birthday.

WhamBamThankU · 02/04/2024 17:15

Wow! Cheeky sod.

Fulshaw · 02/04/2024 17:17

If it would cost me less than £100 to change the holiday then I would do it. Otherwise, no, sorry.

TinyYellow · 02/04/2024 17:20

I wouldn’t change a holiday for a wedding, especially for a so called friend who did something like this.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/04/2024 17:20

You don't even consider cancelling. She had the entire fucking year to choose from, and she chose dates she KNEW you were going on holiday. She's an unbelievable cheeky cow.

ButterflyKu · 02/04/2024 17:21

She’s mad sorry

Ponderingwindow · 02/04/2024 17:26

Do not cancel your holiday.

the way this works is the happy couple makes a short list of people that they absolutely need at their wedding.

then they contact those people and ask for dates that are blacked out.

the couple also asks about any barriers to attendance. School teacher who can’t possibly get a day off adjacent to a break? Someone who has or might have young children they have to consider? A grandmother who can’t get up steep stairs?

then the couple plans a wedding that is easily accessible by date, location, rules, and affordability to their essential guests.

it’s the couple’s day, but part of making their day is having those essential guests present, so they need to plan a day that facilitates their attendance

MCOut · 02/04/2024 17:29

And she can’t expect you to spend thousands more so that she can save money, because that will be why she chose that date.

SofaSpuds · 02/04/2024 17:29

Lingfield01 · 02/04/2024 16:43

Absolutely YANBU.? If she’s that much of a friend she’ll understand.

Agree but would also add... if she's that much of a good friend she would NOT have picked a date when she knew you were away.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 02/04/2024 17:29

I would only consider moving it if it didn't cost me anymore and didn't cause annual leave issues for you and your partner.

StripeyDeckchair · 02/04/2024 17:39

You had a holiday booked
She checked your holiday dates with you
She then chose to book her wedding in the middle of your holiday.
The consequence is that you will not go to her wedding

No reasonable person can expect someone to move their holiday (at £??? Cost) to accommodate thier wedding.

JimBeamCoke · 02/04/2024 18:02

I can assure you that I remember my first holiday to Florida more than anybody else getting married. As much as you might have a good time at the wedding, if you had to cancel your holiday to be there or would be out of pocket because of it then you are just going to regret it when you are sat there for the usual jokes in the speech, watching the first dance, and eating a mass produced meal. You are at an age when your priority starts to change away from friends. This might be the start of your best friendship being a bit cooler as she gets married and will focus on her new husband and life and you focus on your family and making the best memories with them! 🐭 🎢

StonwEd · 02/04/2024 18:09

Obviously when you plan a wedding the first thing you do is draw up a list of people that have to be there. You then have a post of possible dates and you cross reference all of these things until you get to an acceptable date for all.
They checked the date with you and went ahead anyway, their loss not yours.
Stand up for yourself! do not, under any circumstances cancel that holiday x

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 02/04/2024 18:17

You booked your birthday 30 years ago!

IAmAnIdiot123 · 02/04/2024 18:23

Op don't even think about it, I'm always amazed at people's expectations of their friends.

However, lighthearted side note, my neighbour who I didn't really even know once came round with tickets to the Ideal Home Show and thought we might prefer to go with her over our prebooked holiday to Vegas 🤣

meganorks · 02/04/2024 18:24

She checked the dates. She booked it anyway. That's her problem. You can't cancel a holiday. You could maybe enquire whether it's possible to transfer dates IF you could do other dates. But I doubt if its possible. And presumably not without a lot of extra cost.

I suppose the other thing you should consider is, if she's like this at the get-go, is she going to go full bridezilla on you.....?

LakeTiticaca · 02/04/2024 18:38

But you told her your holiday dates and still she went ahead and booked it . Very entitled of her to expect you to cancel an expensive holiday . Not much of a friend jn my opinion .
Enjoy your holiday 😉

EIIaM · 02/04/2024 18:50

Absolutely not a chance, and she wouldn't be my friend anymore for trying to get me to cancel when she could have picked a different date if it was so important to her.

Thulpelly · 02/04/2024 18:53

No. She knew the dates. You definitely shouldn’t change. If it were that important to her she wouldn’t have booked it for then.