AIBU to hate Easter?

[Abeona]

My DP and I have been together for donkey's years but we still haven't worked out how to enjoy the Easter holiday. We're self-employed so can take what holidays we want, don't have children and we've been parent-free for more than a decade. We live in a lovely rural area that everyone flocks to at this time of year, as a result of which our roads are badly congested, there's nowhere to park in our pretty small town, the cafes and restaurants are full and doing anything much becomes a major hassle.

Our families live 200+ miles away and a journey that might ordinarily take four hours can take up to seven or eight, crawling along in traffic in the rain, so we don't visit them and they don't come to visit us. On a couple of occasions we've been away on holiday for Easter — once to Florence, once to Tenerife. On each occasion the airports were packed, we suffered long delays, the weather wasn't great and the destinations were packed too. We kicked ourselves for paying a premium price to go somewhere that was too crowded to be enjoyable. We've had friends to stay, but increasingly people prefer to travel when things are quieter. So since 2018 we've decided to stay at home and do a bit of gardening and DIY.

Every year my DP agrees that this is the best solution — and every year by the Monday Bank Holiday we've had a huge row, because everyone we know is out and about and having a good time in Majorca or the Maldives, or has braved the traffic and paid a fortune to go somewhere interesting and FOMO kicks in and we feel we've wasted Easter at home doing nothing because it's barely stopped raining.

Has anyone else had this experience? Have you found a solution?

Try and remember that people who are away aren't necessarily sharing on Facebook the shit airport, the disappointing weather etc.

It honestly sounds like you're putting too much pressure on the weekend. We (me, dh and dc age 13 and 10) - plan nothing for the long weekend. We go on long local walks. If it's nice we get an ice cream in the beer garden at the local pub walking there and back. We have lie ins and enjoy not working. This weekend instead of eggs, 13yo got a new coding programme and 10yo got a new Lego project as we knew the weather would be bad.

Dh and I ordered a new jigsaw and we got a new family board game and a new switch game (moving out) which is hilarious!

We shared a bottle of Prosecco over the weekend and had a fire pit where we sat in the garden and toasted marshmallows and hot dogs wrapped in blankets and all chatting together.

None of it was instagrammable but everyone was happy and relaxed.

I live in a part of the Cotswolds that has people flocking to it. It's the start of the tourist season, but Easter seems to be especially bad. They were managing to sell single Mr Whippy style ice-creams for £7.50 each yesterday 😂 It's chaos.

We're also self-employed; although we do have a toddler - but we do what we did before him too. We don't go away because of the increased people and prices, but we do go out into town. We book in advance, and aim for the less well-known spots, and yes it's places we could go to at any point, but it fits the bill of not feeling that we've wasted the weekend, but also not spending three times as much on a flight or a whole day on a motorway.

This time we saw local friends on Friday, went out for lunch and got some DIY stuff on Saturday and then came back to do some gardening, easter egg hunts and the park on Sunday before Sunday dinner in a local pub, and then yesterday we did forest school, went to the local market and fed the ducks. Simple everyday stuff, but enough that it feels like we've had a lovely weekend but we've not spent a fortune or wasted loads of time.

We've both kept an eye on work too, so we can take some time back when it quietens down and schools are back.

To be honest, if you can't spend a relaxed long weekend with your husband without it descending into arguments, that's your biggest issue.

It's not really an Easter problem.

I couldn't care less what my friends are doing. Some people can't stand not having plans, some people (like me and DH) love it. Do what makes you happy, it really doesn't need to be a drama.

Is it the going out and doing stuff or the social interaction you feel like you're missing out on? If it's the latter, you could look to take up a hobby and meet other child free local couples who may be interested in coming over for a meal on bank holidays. If it's the missing out on doing stuff, perhaps you could alternate bank holidays between staying at home and the going on a day out for the next one.

It does sound like you're focusing a lot on what others are doing and it's causing unnecessary arguments. The PPs who suggested working bank holidays and then taking your time off a week before or after to make travel easier have a good point.

Labelling days and giving them expectations is what is making you miserable. Decide how many holidays a year will make you happy and take them at a time that suits you.

I live in a popular tourist destination and usually plan a home or garden project for over the bank holiday. I make sure I’ve got enough food and wine in. Might go for a walk but the car remains on the drive.

The reason so many people go out and about at Easter is because it's the first school break of the year where there is a bit of nice weather, and as a parent you feel you should get your kids out in the fresh air and enjoying their break. You don't have to worry about that so stop putting pressure on yourself.

I feel your pain. I also used to be self employed so never had a day off in ten years so nowadays as my DP has Easter weekend off (our first time together that’s not just a weekend this year) we try to find things to do but the pressure mounts. My child is an adult and worked over the whole 4 days, my home and family are a similar distance away as yours and we are LC, my DP’s family are nearer but don’t speak to me.

We had a row or bickering two of the four days, managed a film together and had two half days out. Went to local nature reserves and beaches that weren’t overrun (we have motorways and A roads we have to avoid any holiday so leaves us with only a couple of options in and out of the town we live in). So yesterday I just came home and got on with the chores I normally do on Monday.

I feel rubbish today as once again was wasted. I also stayed off of SM for a week to avoid the never ending posts about everyone else still having an amazing time which helped but I still found out about one family on holiday somewhere lovely in the UK and another in America via text messages with my DN’s. And apart from my DP no one wished me a Happy Easter either.

I have no answers.

i had a perfectly great time and went nowhere. We had friends over on Saturday and Monday for dinner. I went swimming every day for an hour and the pool was quiet - the best ever. I did some on line shopping and gardening. I managed to clear hundreds of emails - felt quite content really. Happy to see the attractions or go on holiday on other days. We had years of having to abide by school holidays especially as son did an extra year so happy to avoid the rush.

So in upshot - being productive eg seeing friends, swimming and administration made me happy:

Watching my people do that would make me very happy that I wasn't trying to! And then going away when they are all at work would make me feel smug again.
As for whether all the queuing is worth it - well, it is if that's the only time you can do the things. In your case you can do them when things are quieter so no, it wouldn't be worth it.

I'm stunned by the poster who had a lovely laid-back Easter weekend that involved going to a garden centre.

That was me. Can you tell me why you’re “stunned”? Surely a visit to a garden centre is a very normal activity?

It’s a productive one too because I bought shrubs which I then needed to plant, and seeds I had to sow. So the hour spent at the garden centre equated to an afternoon of a hobby I love that helps keep me outdoors and active.

Honestly OP, it sounds like you like whining.

why do you have to make a big thing of it if you are self employed? you can have a holiday whenever. i would just treat it as a normal weekend. unless you are religious etc then why bother?

Or maybe she lives somewhere really busy but doesn't try to go out in the car on a day when it's going to be busier than usual, but then doesn't paradoxically wish she had gone out.

Off topic but omg KIN!! Me and DH binged series 1&2 and now I’m really missing it, I need more KIN, now! 🤣

If you are self employed why not work over Easter and go visit family next week?

Possible. You do realise that there are only half-a-dozen or so Sainsburys supermarkets in Cornwall? Perhaps she lives in walking distance of one of those. Newquay or Falmouth, perhaps. Both will have been rammed, I imagine.

A few people have mentioned 'not wasting' days and I don't really get this.

For me the whole point of days off is to have some downtime and recharge your batteries. I don't know why people put pressure on themselves to go somewhere they're not that fussed about, just for the sake of saying you did something.

You can go for a nice lunch, go for a walk locally, read books, watch some films, cook some nice food, etc, etc.

We don't have to be productive every waking minute of our lives.

Yep. Couldn't get into Lidl on Friday because traffic was so backed up that the town ground to a halt. Again.

Also, Lidl and Waitrose are our only options here for a full shop. If you can't get to one, you can't get to the other either - and then you can't go into Plymouth, Liskeard or Callington either. The A38 and the Tamar Bridge again.

Because going to my nearest halfway decent garden centre here would normally require a 30-40 minute drive. Over Easter that would be at least a 60 minute drive — so a two-hour drive there and back. And when I got there, it would be absolutely packed with people just going for a wander round because it's Easter and garden centres are what you do at Easter. I can fit in a trip to the garden centre whenever I please: why on earth would I go and add to the crowds and have to queue over the Easter holiday?

Maybe she did her food shop mid-week.

Maybe she got her shopping delivered.

Maybe she doesn't shop at Sainsburys.😆

I also grew up in a seaside town that would get rammed on a bank holiday weekend. It's not the end of the world, you either stay put or make plans in advance. Or just accept the fact that traffic will be busier if you want to go somewhere spontaneously.

I'm afraid you've guessed wrong. I'm not going to say exactly where I am, but you will have heard of it and we have 4 beaches.

I used the A390 on Saturday and Sunday and don't remember it being particularly busy.

You chose to live in a pretty town in a rural location, that comes with positives and negatives.

Until recently I lived in a very rural but very touristy are of West Wales. There were only 2 supermarkets within sensible reach. I didn't go in either of them on a bank holiday or summer weekend, because, yes, lots of tourists (weekends because just into their self catering accommodation and doing their shop). The pint is, why would you want to go out when you know lots of people will be around when you don’t have to? Your original point isn’t about day-to-day activities though, is it? It’s about whether you are reasonable to have FOMO about competing with other people when it’s busy.

Well exactly. That’s what we are saying. Why would you? You aren’t missing out by not doing stuff at Easter when you can do it any time.

I popped into Sainsbury's, or at least tried to, as I said, it was shut for Easter Sunday, on my way back from where I had travelled to on the A390. It wasn't rammed because it was shut.

I'm not saying that other areas haven't been extremely busy. I'm just giving my experience of living in quite a large (for Cornwall!) touristy place and travelling on the Saturday and the Sunday, including on a stretch of the A390. Like I said, I forgot it was even Easter, which says a lot!

Maybe it seemed quiet compared to previous years, which have been full on because of the pandemic, but I don't think it was that.

Edited to say: I did hear on Radio Cornwall yesterday that the roads were really busy with people leaving the county if that helps!