AIBU to hate Easter?

[Abeona]

My DP and I have been together for donkey's years but we still haven't worked out how to enjoy the Easter holiday. We're self-employed so can take what holidays we want, don't have children and we've been parent-free for more than a decade. We live in a lovely rural area that everyone flocks to at this time of year, as a result of which our roads are badly congested, there's nowhere to park in our pretty small town, the cafes and restaurants are full and doing anything much becomes a major hassle.

Our families live 200+ miles away and a journey that might ordinarily take four hours can take up to seven or eight, crawling along in traffic in the rain, so we don't visit them and they don't come to visit us. On a couple of occasions we've been away on holiday for Easter — once to Florence, once to Tenerife. On each occasion the airports were packed, we suffered long delays, the weather wasn't great and the destinations were packed too. We kicked ourselves for paying a premium price to go somewhere that was too crowded to be enjoyable. We've had friends to stay, but increasingly people prefer to travel when things are quieter. So since 2018 we've decided to stay at home and do a bit of gardening and DIY.

Every year my DP agrees that this is the best solution — and every year by the Monday Bank Holiday we've had a huge row, because everyone we know is out and about and having a good time in Majorca or the Maldives, or has braved the traffic and paid a fortune to go somewhere interesting and FOMO kicks in and we feel we've wasted Easter at home doing nothing because it's barely stopped raining.

Has anyone else had this experience? Have you found a solution?

That's basically what we do. We're going away in a fortnight's time, once all the children are back at school. My DP suggests this and I'm happy just to hang out at home. But come Good Friday and the sight of half the population on the move, the caravans on the road, the holiday cottages down our lane filling up with visitors, our footpaths and ruined castle full of townies, my DP seems to start to feel that we've missed out on something that everyone else is doing. It's irrational and I'm sure it's based in a fear of missing out. I've known people say they get it at Christmas. In our case it's always Easter.

If you're not long home from a few days away, was it worth all the money and time spent crawling along motorways and looking for parking spots in touristy areas?

I'd thoroughly enjoy doing nothing! Maybe a nice dinner, a walk then chill with a box set and some posh chocs....you're living the dream OP, you just don't know it

If you're self-employed and can take time off whenever you want I'd work through the holidays (if possible) and go away once everyone else is back at work/school!

If you are self employed and can have a break whenever why do you feel you the need to "do" anything on the Easter weekend?
Just treat it like a regular weekend. The only difference is big shops are closed on the Sunday. Everything else is pretty much as normal.
Unless you have been invited to someone's for an special Easter lunch then you could completely ignore it and not even notice.

What do you like doing? Eating, drinking, shagging, gardening, playing the drums, watching TV, whatever it is, as you are parent and child free, do that for 4 days. I guess if it was that simple you wouldn't have posted... But that's how I'd approach it if I was in that situation.

@UnderappreciatedTeacher

As opposed to yours ...

I just love seeing my friends and family, I find it therapeutic to be around my loved ones. So sitting in traffic for a while is no biggy, instead of feeling FOMO at home

I do different things every year. Some times I take extra time and go abroad, or an Airbnb somewhere scenic at home. Or I just stay home and relax. I just can't see why it's hard?

@lemmein As I've said, I'm happy enough to laze around that's what my DP suggests in advance. Then comes the Easter weekend and the sight of all the families walking down to the beach in drizzle, or the massive queue of cars trying to find somewhere to park in our local pretty town and bam, 'Why don't we ever do something at Easter?'

Is there something you really want to do or is it more of a feeling you should be doing something?
We have literally sat and watched films and ate chocolate all weekend. It's been great.

The best thing about having grown up DC’s (or none) is you can stay home on bank holidays and do your own thing. You have plenty of time to enjoy holidays and days out without the crowds of people and nose to tail traffic jams.

I wouldn’t entertain going anywhere during school holidays.

@Abeona

How about planning a bit more? (That said, none of my 'plans' have actually happened this weekend!😂)

Do you like playing board/card games?
Do you enjoy a project together?
Reading?
Cooking?

fri - food shop (now would be delivery) clean the house (to relax in at the weekend! )

Sat - project build x, x part of the gsrden, decorate a room etc

Sun - play games, eat drink etc

mon - lots of coffee, maybe a walk, straighten the house, watch a film
or two.,

You're self employed, so work the Easter weekend when it's busy, and then take a four day weekend another time and go away.

If you aren't far from town, could you get a bus/taxi and join the people walking in the drizzle and take a picnic if you don't want to queue for coffee?

Well if he wants to do something - then he needs to think of something then.

So this is a DP problem, not your problem. If he can't be arsed making a plan but is too childish to manage his FOMO I think you need to leave him to it and not rise to his entirely predictable grumpiness.

Send DP away away on his own!

It's a psychological phenomenon, I suppose. In advance you think 'Can I be arsed to drive for nine hours to Devon to see X and Y at Easter, when I could go a week later and it would only take me four hours? No.' 'Do I want to go to Paris for the Easter holiday when I could go a couple of weeks later, pay much less and experience fewer crowds? No.' And then come the Easter weekend you think 'Dammit, what am I doing at home when I could have been in Devon/ Paris with everyone else?'

Obviously just my DP and me by proxy.

I think in your situation I’d just work Easter bank holidays, have a quiet normal weekend and then take time off another time when it’s not busy.

But presumably your area isn’t so incredibly packed it’s awful to just go out and about? You could go for a walk or to the beach or look round the shops or go for lunch/dinner. Presumably what all the other people are doing!

Every year my DP agrees that this is the best solution — and every year by the Monday Bank Holiday we've had a huge row then why does he keep agreeing? Why can't he just go away if he wants? This is silly to keep repeating year after year.

We stay in but don't row about it. Would you have been OK if it weren't for the row? If that's the case then focusing on resolving the issues that lead to that in advance could help. For us, I've spent it doing a deep spring clean. It's dull but I feel a sense of achievement and it makes me happy that I'm investing time and energy in this way, but I totally get that it's not covetable. It's not about what you're doing it not doing as that's going to be specific to you both. It seems to be the row that undermines the time.

If you aren't far from town, could you get a bus/taxi and join the people walking in the drizzle and take a picnic if you don't want to queue for coffee?

I can walk to the beach in the drizzle (or even the odd occasion when it's not drizzling) any day of the week. Indeed, I did it daily for years before the dog died. It's not abut the beach. It's about the fact that it's Easter and people are doing stuff and we're not because we've decided not to. I'm surprised no one else seems to have gone through this but hey-ho.

It's not really 'missing out' though. If your friends/family have young children they're probably bulking the weekend with activities just for their sanity rather than actually wanting to be on another bloody Easter egg hunt!

I took my grandson pumpkin picking last Halloween - never done it before (always just got them from the supermarket) but thought it looked like a lovely family thing to do......it really wasn't 🙄 The farm was boggy, it was bone freezing - the pumpkins were covered in sloppy mud, my grandson was in a shit mood and fell head first into the sludge which pissed him off no end...never ever again!

Honestly, I'd rather miss out in peace - I bet a lot of those families you seen today were on their very last nerve!

I'm being lighthearted but if it really bothers you maybe make the trek next year to see your family. Yeah it's a pain being stuck in delays but you could probably work around that being self-employed, go a day earlier, etc - it'll be worth it if staying at home affects you so much.

I don't get why it's leading to a row

We have a similar situation to you, OP (no kids, family hundreds of miles away, tired from working full time) but I’m struggling to see your point of view.

You don’t want to travel at Easter, but hold those who do and visit your town in contempt.

You know restaurants fill up but don’t book anything.

I’ve really enjoyed the long weekend. Went to the garden centre, walked the dogs, had a facial, cooked nice foods, read a book and a half, watched too much tv. Very enjoyable without needing to really “do” anything.