Page 5 | Ex sending DC back sick?

nc235 · 2024-04-01T15:00:51+00:00

Is it okay and just part of co-parenting? 50/50 arrangement, 3 DC. Ex has just taken them on holiday for a week, lovely for them all. Have been returned today and 2/3 children have sickness and diarrhoea. Oldest child who is a teen says this began on the last night of the holiday. Ex has not mentioned prior to dropping kids back, we usually get along pretty well although issues historically. Have not said anything yet, but WIBU to ask why he didn't tell me? And is it reasonable to send them back with a sickness bug or would you usually try and keep that to one house (as I imagine I would do)?

Mummame2222 · 04/04/2024 10:31

I'm not trying to "shirk" my responsibilities

Part if your responsibility is looking after them when they’re sick. Ex doesn’t owe you that and I think part of the issue here is your entitlement over the situation. You would do one thing, great, ex is not in the wrong by not doing the same thing.

Original poster

nc235 · 04/04/2024 14:50

Mummame2222 · 04/04/2024 10:31

I'm not trying to "shirk" my responsibilities

Part if your responsibility is looking after them when they’re sick. Ex doesn’t owe you that and I think part of the issue here is your entitlement over the situation. You would do one thing, great, ex is not in the wrong by not doing the same thing.

Entitlement

It's like some of these posts are written by bitter baby mammas who would gleeful drop their sick children off with their "awful" exes just to ensure that he does "his turn" and his parenting "responsibilities" while all patting themselves on the back in a group chat- "good job babez, make sure he does his bit hun, it's only fair".

Sorry for the slow reply babez... been tending to my sick baby who is now projectile vomiting. Fairs fair tho aye.

OP posts:

Mummame2222 · 04/04/2024 16:09

nc235 · 04/04/2024 14:50

Entitlement

It's like some of these posts are written by bitter baby mammas who would gleeful drop their sick children off with their "awful" exes just to ensure that he does "his turn" and his parenting "responsibilities" while all patting themselves on the back in a group chat- "good job babez, make sure he does his bit hun, it's only fair".

Sorry for the slow reply babez... been tending to my sick baby who is now projectile vomiting. Fairs fair tho aye.

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Literally just kept my kid at home because he was sick babez… I don’t think anyone owes me anything though, it’s parenting.

Mrbumpssmile · 04/04/2024 16:23

Mummame2222 · 04/04/2024 10:31

I'm not trying to "shirk" my responsibilities

Part if your responsibility is looking after them when they’re sick. Ex doesn’t owe you that and I think part of the issue here is your entitlement over the situation. You would do one thing, great, ex is not in the wrong by not doing the same thing.

It's not very nice though, is it, deciding not to do something quite simple in order to prevent a newborn baby and mother getting ill?!
(Of course, there could be factors we don't know about, like work stress deadlines, but generally speaking any half decent human would without even thinking suggest keeping unwell, contagious children until they've recovered, to prevent it spreading.)

I don't think it's "entitled" to expect others to behave decently. Or rather, it's just something we're all entitled to, basic consideration and care.

Pookie21 · 04/04/2024 16:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Mummame2222 · 04/04/2024 16:42

Mrbumpssmile · 04/04/2024 16:23

It's not very nice though, is it, deciding not to do something quite simple in order to prevent a newborn baby and mother getting ill?!
(Of course, there could be factors we don't know about, like work stress deadlines, but generally speaking any half decent human would without even thinking suggest keeping unwell, contagious children until they've recovered, to prevent it spreading.)

I don't think it's "entitled" to expect others to behave decently. Or rather, it's just something we're all entitled to, basic consideration and care.

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Ok 🤷‍♀️ and I think her attitude is entitled.

Pookie21 · 04/04/2024 16:46

Sorry for the above reply, this was obviously meant to be a separate post but it’s my first time posting & got it wrong! Have asked mumsnet to remove, sorry!

jimbort · 04/04/2024 18:01

nc235 · 04/04/2024 09:09

Look, imo I don't think a custody arrangement should be so rigid that it defeats all common sense...

I'm not trying to "shirk" my responsibilities or not spend time with my children as pps have said. I would have happily had the kids for longer to "make up" the time.

PP hit the nail on the head for me when they said it's not a game we take turns in- my turn your turn- it's three children's lives... and their extended families I.e my household and dads household.

Like I've said I've happily kept them longer when we've had covid and other illnesses before to prevent spread... that to me just seems like common sense and the decent thing to do... rather than potentially make their Dad, his partner and their two other children ill as well as us? Coughs and colds minor illnesses no, we just carry on.

We've also happily swapped holidays at times when I would be off work but he would be working but it fell on "his time"... which meant that instead of the children sitting in holiday club while he was working I could take them out and spend time with them. Which is better for the kids. I didn't just go "no sorry it's not my time".

I couldn't agree more with you. I've told my ex to keep my son when he's had a sickness bug. He picked up bug after bug after bug with my ex and I had to take all the days off work. If ex has the bug anyway in his house then it's common sense to not spread it to my house. I think maybe some of these replies are from trolls. It's the school holidays where I am.

Longlongtimeagooo · 04/04/2024 22:02

He definitely should have told you before they came home, so you could prep a bit (food shop done, nothing in the washing machine etc).

I think it would have definitely been considerate for him to keep them. As long as they were happy to be there. Sometimes kids just want a particular parent.

Or maybe he has work commitments and I'm assuming you're on mat leave so it was easier to send them back to you.

Not saying that that's a good excuse, but it could be the reasoning behind it.

If you come down with it (which would be awful with a baby!) would he take the kids back to his, even if it's not on his contact time?