My aunts inheritance choices seem to have destroyed my family

[Afana]

A little context, my aunt passed away at the start of last year, her husband had passed 10 years prior, she never had children. They were well off. Massive large house worth more than 2 million and some other assets, including a holiday home etc.

My DD is 24, lives in London where my aunt was and was "named after" her. She is the only girl, my brother has two boys and I have a boy, my dad was her only sibling.

My aunt really treated my kids like her own grandkids but more so my daughter, she spoiled her, had her over in the holidays etc. Even got her a job!

Now when my aunt passed everything was left to my daughter. This was unexpected. After inheritance tax and giving the donations to charity she had arranged. There was around 1.9 million left, the house was sold to cover the inheritance tax.

My daughter used a deed of variation I believe to give £50,000 to myself, my son, my brother and my brother's two sons. £25,000 to my parents, which is all they wanted, she did offer them more.

My aunt wrote a letter explaining her reasons and it was effectively she's my favourite.

Now recently my daughter bought a lovely 2 bed flat worth over a million in a lovely part of London near Hyde Park. She's reduced her work to 4 days, she got rid of basically every item of clothing she owned and bought all new, has been on endless holidays.

Now my son and both her cousins, not to mention myself and my brother are somewhat resentful. We aren't a rich family, we live modest lives in the midlands and everyone thinks her choice screams of greed. She's mortgage free in a flat while her cousins are still struggling to buy.

Yesterday was Easter, everything was tense, my daughter ended up leaving early with her boyfriend to go home. We haven't heard from her since!

AIBU to think my aunt going about everything like this has irreparably damaged our family and it will probably never be the same again. I do think my daughter was greedy and should have shared more equally!

@Ariadneefron

Like I said I'm not worried as I don't believe she's spent more than she should have.

Her aunt wrote her a letter too explaining that while she would be glad to see some used sensibly she also must use some for fun as we don't live long enough. DD has only done that! I doubt she's spent much more than £50k on fun.

Yes, she chose not to be close to a set of people who are greedy, spiteful and unkind and felt entitled to her money.

Why? 4 days a week is now very common in a lot of companies, particularly in the tech industry. And she can obviously affort it as she is mortgage-free.

I'm wondering, as inheriting daughter was named for her great aunt, whether she was also her godmother.

Immaterial really. The biological relationship was at the sort of remove where personal preference legitimately comes into play, as it never should with someones own children or arguably grandchildren. They shared interests and spent time together voluntarily over a long period and sound quite close.

Still boggled by the ingratitude TBH.

How is your aunt related to your parents? Was she your mum or dad's sister or was her brother their relation?

Why is this the only thing you can muster up? ‘It was her choice’ not to be close to anyone and it’s also her choice where her money went. It has literally nothing to do with you, I don’t know why you thought yourself so important and deserving of more.

Tbh you are the problem. She's been generous already. The inheritance was left to her and an explanation of why, she didn't have to share it with you. You weren't entitled to the money simply by being related to your aunt, it was her money to do with it what she wished! You didn't mind dropping your dd off in the summer (giving you a break or one less kid to care for) and that was where the inequality between your children started. I have a cousin who was favouring my eldest dd, I put that to bed quickly as I have 3 kids and I wasn't happy with her behaviour. You could have done the same!

She works in finance ... I trust she knows what she's doing!!
Gosh I think people are missing the point!

If I were your daughter, I'd prioritise making a will. And leave my estate to charity.

Enlighten us then.

I feel sorry for your daughter, these “jokes” are nothing more than spite and jealousy. None of you were entitled to the cash.

YOU are missing the point by deliberately avoiding posts pointing out how greedy you are.
IF you refuse to accept this there's little point to this thread. You should delete it before it gets picked up by journos.

So her Aunt wrote her a letter saying what she’d like her to do with her inheritance and encouraged her to use some for fun and in your first post you were moaning about her ‘endless holidays’.

Jokes, I bet they were. I'd have left too.

Your aunt was very foolish if she didn't foresee this, or somewhat spiteful if she did, but at the end of the day, it's clear that she made this choice very deliberately. There isn't really much to do about it, except for everyone to decide whether the money they didn't get is worth losing their relationships with your daughter.

It's hard to imagine this is real but having seen other threads on Mumsnet about inheritances I can well believe it is. In our family everything has always been split equally and I'd be disappointed if one of my kids behaved like your daughter. I'd have expected anyone with any morals to split it equally 4 ways between the 'children'

Are you or your parents going to equal things up when you die? You son must be so upset about it.

My MIL prefers my 2 sons to my daughters and to all the other grandchildren. My sons are lovely to be fair but I find it extremely nasty of her. What's worse is she doesn't see that she is doing anything wrong.

I'm a childless aunt who won't leave anywhere near as much as the one in this story but - if it doesn't go on care - I'll be leaving a decent amount to ONE of my brothers and/or his two children.

This is because I'm very close to my younger brother, very close to my two nieces and not at all to my older one or any of his 3 children/their children.

"Fairness" doesn't come into it. I'll leave it to whomoever I damn well please and that happens to be the relatives I'm close to, who stay in close touch with me.

Sounds like Auntie was a wise old bird.

The point is you're jealous and so is everyone else in the family. You believe she should have prioritised all of you with HER money. £50k each is generous. She didn't have to give any of you a penny but she split it both between cousins AND you and your son.

Sorry they're struggling to buy but they should have used the 50k as a deposit.

The OP has confirmed that the aunt wasn't close to anyone else. Not that it matters, because none of them were entitled to anything anyway. The aunt made her choice, for whatever reason.

And yes, £1.9million is much more than £50k. So what? Inheritance is, by its very nature, unfair. As none of them had any right to any of it, they should each be grateful for whatever they received. The OP's daughter didn't have to give the others anything.

I don't really understand your comment about your own mother tbh. You say you wouldn't treat her "like that", which I presume means that you wouldn't cut her out of your will? And yet you haven't had any contact with her for four years? I guess we have quite different ideas about what really matters in family relationships. For me, it isn't money!

What are you moaning about???!!!?? If I had an aunt who wanted to give my dd 2 million I'd be delighted!!!!

What is your point though ? It sounds like you would only be happy if your DD split her inheritance equally between you all - which is not what your Aunt would have wanted.

And the vast majority of people would do the same as your DD if they actually were in her situation. It’s easy to say what you WOULD do until you are actually in the situation.

I think that your daughter has had the opportunity of a lifetime. I’d be delighted for her. I have a wealthy uncle who has helped out his less well off sister & her kids (brought them on holiday, paid for college, tech etc…). He will probably leave money to those cousins. My mum (his other sister) has no issue with it, nor do I. But other family members (his other brothers & sisters) do. And no doubt I have cousins who will care, when it happens… I suppose that’s money for ya!

Your daughter put the effort in with the aunt.

I think you should be happy for her and she didn't actually have to share any of it!

Your daughter was closest to your aunt, and she inherited her money. If I was your daughter, I'd never see any of you again, especially after she gave you all very generous amounts, to people she doesn't get on with, against your aunts wishes. If I was hr friend I'd tell her to tell you all to fuck off, and enjoy her life without giving any of you ungrateful bastards a second thought. I'd be annoyed if I was her that I'd given any of you anything.

The people being greedy are those thinking your Aunt could do whatever she wanted with her money.