My aunts inheritance choices seem to have destroyed my family

[Afana]

A little context, my aunt passed away at the start of last year, her husband had passed 10 years prior, she never had children. They were well off. Massive large house worth more than 2 million and some other assets, including a holiday home etc.

My DD is 24, lives in London where my aunt was and was "named after" her. She is the only girl, my brother has two boys and I have a boy, my dad was her only sibling.

My aunt really treated my kids like her own grandkids but more so my daughter, she spoiled her, had her over in the holidays etc. Even got her a job!

Now when my aunt passed everything was left to my daughter. This was unexpected. After inheritance tax and giving the donations to charity she had arranged. There was around 1.9 million left, the house was sold to cover the inheritance tax.

My daughter used a deed of variation I believe to give £50,000 to myself, my son, my brother and my brother's two sons. £25,000 to my parents, which is all they wanted, she did offer them more.

My aunt wrote a letter explaining her reasons and it was effectively she's my favourite.

Now recently my daughter bought a lovely 2 bed flat worth over a million in a lovely part of London near Hyde Park. She's reduced her work to 4 days, she got rid of basically every item of clothing she owned and bought all new, has been on endless holidays.

Now my son and both her cousins, not to mention myself and my brother are somewhat resentful. We aren't a rich family, we live modest lives in the midlands and everyone thinks her choice screams of greed. She's mortgage free in a flat while her cousins are still struggling to buy.

Yesterday was Easter, everything was tense, my daughter ended up leaving early with her boyfriend to go home. We haven't heard from her since!

AIBU to think my aunt going about everything like this has irreparably damaged our family and it will probably never be the same again. I do think my daughter was greedy and should have shared more equally!

Sounds like aunt put OP and family in their place for the final time!! Grabby grabby greedy guts.

Op its not your inheritance it never was. Get over it and stop questioning your adult daughter on what she does with her money. She had a close relationship with her great aunt and has been pretty generous. I wonder if it was your idea that she share her money with other relatives? Maybe she did that to try and keep some kind of relationship together. I think she may have wasted her time and money. You don't deserve it, you never did.

Your DD has already been far more generous than she needed to be.
If she is reading this and realises the thread is about her she Will probably wish she hadn't bothered.
What a bunch of grabbers you seem to be

At a family Easter gathering, how did everyone expect the daughter to react when they called her greedy and made unpleasant jokes about her? Did you all expect her to then give you more money on the spot? Did you think she should take the comments and stay there in an atmosphere where everybody resents her? Just what did you think the outcome would be? You've made the choice to drive her away, to let her know that she isn't welcome anymore.

And she gave you all £50k apiece! The mind boggles at how you can still treat her like that and feel justified.

You all (other than aunt and DD) come out of this looking very badly. Cannot believe you're all so fucking greedy.

By who?

I’m not surprised she left. Must have felt ganged-up on and hounded. Poor girl.

Why? So some overpaid CEO can enjoy the Aunt's money instead? The DD was close to the Aunt and sounds like they shared a really lovely close bond with each other. And the Aunt left her everything because of that, which was her choice.

Interesting responses. I don't think they are being greedy. I actually think the daughter is. In her situation, I'd at very least share it equally with my own siblings after giving an amount to other family members. Then, at very least, her own family is all on an even footing. I wouldn't prefer a flat in Hyde Park over seeing my own brother comfortably off, if my wealth had come from a random family windfall that had nothing to do with my own hard work.

It's sad that the aunt couldn't foresee how much bitterness this might create.

Both my kids now earn more than me. They are always turning up in new clothes. Even worse they go on holiday without me 😡

I think it was the wrong thing to do but it is what it is and your daughter didn't have to share a penny- you come over Asa family of entitled grabbers- maybe the aunt thought this too !!

Yep - the final revenge!

You’ve lost your daughter, I suspect.

She’s been pumped for cash, treated with suspicion and jealousy by her family, and now they’re you’re making jokes about her money and greed. It’s disgusting.

The aunt left it to her. No one was owed anything. It was the aunt’s money. Your daughter invested time in her relationship with her and she doesn’t have to give anyone a damn thing.

I can’t put my finger on why, but the way you talk about your own daughter is…..wrong.

The audacity 😂

This happened to someone I know a few years ago but he did not share any of it with his siblings/cousins. It broke up the relationships with all concerned. Aunty could have thought about when the will was being drawn up.

Wow and you allowed your daughter to be spoken to like that? No wonder she walked out, wouldn’t be surprised if she cut you all off

YABVU & greedy & nasty. You have all treated your daughter abhorrently.

Perhaps the aunt genuinely didn't realise how grabby and greedy the rest of the family were? She may have assumed that they would understand, given that the dd was the only one she was close to. She might even have thought that they would be happy for her niece, instead of stamping their feet about the missing out on their perceived entitlement.

I don't think all families would react like this, and I don't think that everyone assumes the worst about their relatives either.

YANBU.

There are certain weird tropes on MN that posters have, and inheritance threads seem to be one of them. If you had allowed voting, you would have seen far more not thinking you were unreasonable (I think).

Clearly, one member of an ordinary family inheriting close to £2mio is going to cause issues. Do you really expect her brother to feel genuinely happy for his sister and not even to think of the effect it would have had had she split the inheritance equally? It just isn’t human nature.

In addition, I am not sure it is healthy for a 24 year old to get that much in one go. It will clearly have an effect on her ambitions.

Of course, her aunt can leave her money to whom she chooses but choices have consequences, and I don’t think she made a good choice.

And she still gave him £50k when she didn't have to.

As well as her cousins. And parents. And offered same to her grandparents.

She spent time with Aunt, she enjoyed the same things Aunt did, almost like she was a favoured goddaughter, not just niece.

While I suspect everyone posting otherwise would actually be jealous if it happened in their own family and they were left out in this manner, at the end of the day, AUnt was within her rights to do it and you have to find a way to live with it OP. Or lose your daughter.

Are you hoping to see your DD again, OP?

If so, what amends will you make for the dreadful behaviour that upset her enough yesterday that she left early?

And would you have preferred it if she turned up wearing clothes from a charity shop? (not that there's anything wrong with this, obviously)

This is ridiculous. With so many of you wanting massive handouts, the amount of difference it would make to you all would be minimal. If 50k isn't enough then where does it end? You'd really only be happy if the whole amount was left to you.
The money is finite not endless. I bet if your son had inherited, you wouldn't see him for dust and he would not have given his sister anywhere near 50k. I hope your parents aren't treating your dd badly. They're the only ones who sound somewhat reasonable in this whole scenario.

I think there would be some resentment in my family. Some members are very money-oriented. However I think the DD has been very generous sharing out her inheritance when she really didn't have to. Personally I would have given people enough to not worry about housing (as she's done) and kept a bit aside in case the family needed help in the future. But I would still have kept the majority to myself.

I second this. You were provided for, and she’s perfectly allowed to make her own choices about what to do with her property.

your aunt didn’t destroy your family. Your family’s greed and envy is doing that.

Or maybe she knew that her family, her niece aside, were a bunch of cheeky fuckers that were only interested in her money

The daughter gave each of you 50k and grandparents 25k what they asked for.
As a Mother I would be delighted to get 50k. What a greedy toxic lot you are. I hope your daughter lives her best life, and goes no contact with the lot of you. Change your grabby ways and mindset if you want a relationship with her. The Aunt I suspect knows what you were all like.