Would you fall for a romance scam artist?

[Mojitowithelfreako]

They just seem so ridiculous (the men).
The Tinder Swindler, Dirty John, Bad Surgeon, the guy from Bad Vegan... why do they succeed?
I feel like I would see through it, especially when they bring up the 'CIA' stuff. These women don't seem stupid. Do they never sit back and think 'that doesn't add up' or speak to their friends who say 'that's bullshit'. I just don't get it.
Maybe they are super charming but I think they go too far with their lies. As soon as anyone said 'it's top secret' then I would immediately think what a dick head.
Do you think they try several women before they succeed or can they tell which women want to believe, or are vulnerable?
Or could any of us get drawn in?

I think there's a lot in this too, and it would be easy to think "Well if I think it's real it must be, because I'm not the sort it happens to"

Being heavily involved in community funding the fact it's never happened to me is probably more luck than judgement, but in the end all we can do is at least try to exercise a bit of common sense, remembering that how something's presented doesn't necessarily reflect reality

That sounds like a very difficult way to live. You might not get scammed but you also don't get any intimacy or friendship.

And there must be a fair number of people who've been scammed and never realised it? Who have 'donated' or sent money or otherwise assisted someone whom they believed to be their partner or other love object (even if they had never met), but where the so-called relationship has either failed or been called off in some way before the denoument.

The 'we were going to get married but for xxxx reason he couldn't get over here/get a visa' scams, when the scammer is distracted away or something else happens and the target never comes to realise that it was ALL FAKE. These people may well be telling heartbreaking stories about their failed romance where 'something obviously happened to him/her' before they could be together, and not realising that they'd been well and truly scammed.

A lot of people feel good about themselves when helping others too. Our local fb group often has anonymous posters with sob stories which usually culminate in requests for money. People fall over themselves to offer money, food, personal details to offer support. You can't go on and tell people to be careful, because you get shouted down for being selfish/uncaring etc.

And yes, they may be genuine, but I reckon more aren't.

Same with the regular begging threads on here, @Squidlette, even down to the telling off if anyone dares to suggest it's wise to be cautious

In fairness HQ do what they can and are usually willing to add a gentle warning message, but in the end nobody gets to tell someone else what to do with their own money - though equally they're not obliged to help out when choices go wrong

No. Never.
Full stop.

This! For all those who are so sure that something like that would never happen to them, I wonder if they have an insight into their future. I would find it quite arrogant to assume that I could never foresee any circumstances whatsoever of that happening. I just hope, and pray that I never find myself in a situation where, because of the right circumstances for a scammer, I am the right one for them, at the right time

It's certainly not arrogance or assuming I am "better" than anyone else thats for sure. I simply wont give people money- it's just that simple, if people think I am mean, so be it. It's not that I think I am beyond being fooled by anyone or superior in any way, I just want to keep my money. Any whiff of hinting for money or asking for it and they'd be gone. If someone really loved me, they wouldnt ask for money after 2 months of dating anyway- it's logical thinking rather than emotional thinking. Nothing to do with arrogance.

Presumably all the people who have fallen for such a scam would also have previously answered: No, never, not me!

There's a problem with accuracy of self-perception. Which we already know from the 90% of drivers who rate themselves: above average.

So, my answer is: I'm probably over-confident, because I rely on evidence not self-perception. In which case, maybe I would.

So, my answer is: I'm probably over-confident, because I rely on evidence not self-perception. In which case, maybe I would

The problem is though- we dont hear about the millions of people that say no do we? they dont get programmes made about them- we only hear of the people who do it and then its splashed all over the news. There must be loads of people who have said fck off but noone ever hears about them!

My mum has a friend who's daughter is in a “relationship “ with one , she sends him money but it’s 50 quid here and there.
daughter is in her 50s and on disability benefits. Scammer claims to be an unlucky oil rig worker.
mums friend and her other daughters have told this person it’s a scam, mums friend thinks she knows but wants to carry on in the fantasy and having someone to talk to.
so no not everyone can be scammed but there are a lot of lonely people in the world who could be .

This is a really good point - everything has changed in the past couple of decades with the internet, social media, etc.

Twenty or thirty years ago, the ‘romance scam’ would have been limited by only being able to meet people in person, in the main, and the bloke down the pub/ bar boasting about his flash car and new business getting off the ground once he gets that investment money he’s due might have seemed more obvious. Nowadays it’s so different, and technology has changed so much that people can’t keep up with it.

There are lots of other scams as well as romance scams, as a PP said everyone has their weak spot.
Eg There are job scams where you get approached with a job offer.
The "hey mum I've lost my phone" texts which pretend to be from a child.
The bank scams where they pretend your account has been hacked.
IIRC a financial journalist got caught out in a bank scam. If you are busy and distracted you might miss the red flags.
Scammers are coming up with new ideas all the time.

I think some scams are obvious, like the guy who messages you on fb out of the blue. Unlikely that this works very often, but presumably they are doing huge sweeps, messaging hundreds of people every day to get maybe one response. The people who get caught up in those kinds of scams are likely very vulnerable in some way.

Then there are scams that are harder to see through. The guy I fell for in my twenties was handsome, funny, intelligent, and I thought we had a future together. He didn't ask for money outright - at first, he paid for everything. He emotionally manipulated me into offering him money. In the end, he raped me, stole from me, and stalked me when I left. Despite all this, it was very hard to end things with him and I was traumatised for years.

I don't think I was stupid or gullible. I was just young and wanted to be in love. I was vulnerable because I was travelling in a different country. I wouldn't fall for the same kind of scam now, but maybe I would fall for a different kind of scam that was preying on my current weaknesses.

If I were going to scam some of the people on this thread, I'd be appealing to their no-nonsense nature, how intelligent they are, how brilliant they are to never be fooled, etc. I wouldn't ever ask you for money. But I'd work out how to get you in to the point that you'd be begging me to take your cash. We humans are very susceptible to flattery and to getting what we want. All I need to do is find out what you care about and what you lack. You care about being smart and unscammable. Okay, that's half my job done for me.

I'm just going to reiterate what I usually end up saying on 'scam romance' threads - we have to be wary of calling those who DO fall for scammers 'stupid' or 'thick' or 'obviously gullible' and suchlike. It's using terms like this that makes those who fall for scammers so reluctant to come forward and admit what happened. They are afraid that people will laugh and say 'how could you be so stupid - it was obviously a scam!'

The more people who come forward then the more chance there is that the methods used can be better know and the greater chance there is of fewer people getting caught. Of course there will always be some individuals who get scammed, but putting people off reporting what has happened to them can't be a good thing, surely.

I'm not saying these men who tried to befriend me on FB where scammers. What could they possibly add to my life? There was the Swedish doctor, the navy seal and the widower. They where completely unknown to me, lived in countries I have never been to and I'm old enough to be their grandmother. Yes, I deleted their friend request immediately.

Probably would have done in my younger years, hate to admit it, but I would get suckered into thinking I was helping someone..

I hope I'd have more sense in my 50s

This.

They avoid being too plausible precisely to help with the selection of victims from a wider pool.

People aren't, no. AI tools are though. Scamming is big business. There are calls centres run by people traffickers and arms/diamond dealers in unmarked unmapped complexes in various places worldwide where nobody traces people who disappear into them and they have technical teams indentured to "work" for them.

I dont think people who fall for romance scams are thick or gullible but I do pause a little when everyone around them is warning them and they refuse to listen- what's that about?

On every tv scam I've ever watched literally all their friends show them evidence it's not true (eg by googling the person they claim to be and they are nowhere to be found) and they STILL wont listen. Even when presented with the evidence they still carry on giving money. I understand shame etc but surely when people have shown you evidence it's BS, why would you carry on? initially being scammed when alone I kind of get, but when you can see for your own eyes its not true and everyone is telling you this, why still believe it?

I suspect any of us (if single and lonely) could fall for a good romance scam.

I read an interview with a former romance con man and he said he always targeted intelligent successful women, partly because it was a thrill but mostly because it takes them so long to admit to themselves that they’d made a mistake. Chilling.

It’s called cognitive dissonance.

Given a choice between believing that you’ve been a gullible exploited fool and the love of your life actually despises you, or believing that your friends are mistaken, most people will rearrange every fact to opt for the latter.

The sunk cost fallacy I suppose, they lose so much that they would rather keep hoping it’s wrong because they can’t face the prospect of losing what they’ve already put in. Fear and pride in one. Same reason gamblers keep gambling despite losing thousands. I used to play bingo online every so often and people in the chat used to say things like, ‘’please let me win, I’ve spent my mortgage payment and have no food!’’ 😨

It’s called cognitive dissonance

Yes. I guess so. I just dont know why you'd continue sending money when the seeds have been planted it's a scam. I do judge a little bit then, sorry but I do. Plus, you are going to look an even bigger fool after that anyway

As has been mentioned pp, how many posters saying that they would never be scammed, have visited mediums. There are different forms of alleviating people of their money.

They're not thinking rationally though. That happens to us all from time to time.