Another lunch ruined by other peoples’ children

[Bakeoffskateoff]

Am I being unreasonable to get really pissed off with other people being unable or unwillling to teach their children to sit quietly in cafes and restaurants. Went out for lunch today to our usual weekend cafe. Two lots of families with kids aged five to eight who were noisy, whiny, annoying, sat on tables, crying. I had to hurry my lunch down to get out of there as soon as possible. I’m sick of parents who think little Freddie is so cute for making loud tractor noises, causing other diners to turn around. No one else appreciates your child quite like you do.

If you can’t teach your child manners please don’t take them out where there are other people.

Is the effect on others any different?

Children may not know any different but parents do. Zero excuse.

Focus on not being so easily annoyed.

Focus on managing your unruly children.

Yes you're right, it could have been a waiter with a tray of hot drinks or hot food that stumbled. Lying on the floor the toddler was dangerously below the line of sight for adults.

It must be brilliant sailing through life never getting annoyed.

People: children need to learn how to behave in restaurants
Parents take children to restaurant to show them how to behave in one
people: no not like that

As the parent, you manage it. Not rocket science. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt yada yada.

Correct, they don't know better and that's why they need to be shown and taught by their parents.

The effect is the same but tolerance is different of an adult who knows better and a child whose navigating the world for the first time!

She wasn't actually ignoring him, just ruffling his hair and telling anyone who would listen that he had been asleep for an hour and a half in the car.

So.... give the poor sod time to wake up then?!!

Exactly this.

And it’s a slow learning curve - a 7 year old who is well behaved in a cafe was probably a badly behaved 4 year old at one point.

You have to keep teaching them, exposing them to new environments and reinforcing social norms and behaviours, you can’t just take them to a cafe once and expect perfection!

Sorry it’s annoying for you OP but you were an annoying child once too.

and in some places customers are drunk
Even at weddings, you need to watch your younger kids/GC's and I've seen kids playing and lying on the floor.

IMO, places that serve food, hot drinks should have notices up about this and pro-active staff but I think it does not happen. We rarely eat out and if we do, its often outside school hols etc and when on hols, we avoid peak periods

The parent isn't "navigating the world for the first time"?!!

I'm beginning to think, if you can't beat 'em join 'em. So I might start making tractor noises, lying on the floor, running round screeching, and see how I get on!!! Could be fun!!! I could claim to be senile, couldn't I?!

No, but they might be navigating being a parent out in the world for the first time and not everybody can be as wonderfully equipped in this life as you!!

Of course they do - but it's up to you, the parent, the responsible adult, to manage it!

Ah grow up. I had to learn to be a parent too once upon a time, and I never put up with bad behaviour - and trust me, my three kids were 'spirited'! I never allowed them to be annoying though. And that's the difference.

Good for you, sounds like you did a wonderful job. Like I say, all families and parents are different. Different circumstances, different outcomes. We all have bad days, we all make mistakes and we all get it wrong some times. If we all showed a little less judgment and more compassion we’d maybe see less ‘unruly’ children 😊.

It's funny how Victorian the UK still is despite thinking it's some kind of progressive, forward-thinking nation. My children grow up in another country where kids are actively encouraged to participate in social interactions, not told to sit quietly and not interrupt the adults.

No one here has an 'inside voice', they just have their normal, jovial, sociable voices and most elderly people love to interact with little ones while out for their morning coffee.

Children learn how to behave in public because they are welcomed and included in every-day life, not seen as an inconvenience that has to be tolerated.

Actually, exactly like that.

DTwins were not well behaved enough to sit for an hour+ at a nice restaurant meal until they were 4. This was discovered by taking them several times before that age, and them being a pain in the arse. Because 1.5yr olds can be. However, what that means in practice, is that I barely got to eat my food because I was having to hold a 1.5yr old boy twin who was squawky about being in the highchair there. Not that I sat, pig ignorant scrolling on my phone and casually eating my meal whilst my child screamed the place down, ruining the meals of complete strangers because "I'm just as entitled to be here, don't you know". You'd have to be a real disrespectful arse to think that's acceptable. "Fuck the rest of you as my kids spoil your meal you've paid to come and enjoy, I'm having my dinner. It's my right." No wonder the kids turn out the way they do with parents like that.

And when young DTwins played up, it was fine, because they were only an inconvenience to me. Sure that particular meal of mine was spoiled, which was a nuisance, but it was my 1.5yr olds that were the reason, and it told us that this wasn't something they were ready for yet. Because as their parent, responsible for them, I'm the only person they should be inconveniencing at a restaurant.

My now, 30+ yr old child is Autistic too.
When they were younger, they struggled in restaurants (or other public places) and so we went home when it got to the point that their reactions impacted on others.
It was too distressing for them and us to insist on staying and making the situation more difficult for all.

When we learnt what environments triggered meltdowns we avoided forcing our child to attend them (cafes/restaurants/shopping) and yes, this curtailed our social life as a result.

it seems that all of the above makes me ‘ableist’ judging by the comments on this thread.

@FrangipaniBlue

*Parent of a boy who was never in fear of a thrashing.

The secret?

We entertained him and didn't expect him to entertain himself, which from my experience always seems to be the case of the ones who are being loud and obnoxious.*

"A boy" being the operative word here! Its much harder making two loud boys, who are determined to egg each other on, sit quietly. And yes we do entertain them - literally as soon as we sit down we get out Uno or Dobble or another game to play as a family. Sometimes they will colour but probably no longer than 10 mins. Even with all this entertainment they are still loud and annoying for a lot of the meal. Take your attention off them for one minute (because God forbide you read the menu or try and eat a bit of your own food!) and they are off their chairs / clanging cutlery / putting food in the water. Of course we tell them off, but that doesn't last more than 5 mins.

This post OP, is why my local coffee shop went “ No under 16’s allowed”

I'm about to take my 2 and 5 year olds on a long haul tomorrow. Looking forward very much to ruining other people's holidays. 🙄
It's just a small perk to being able to see my family abroad for the first time in two years.

Not the point??

I have 2 kids who don't seem to understand normal volume levels. One is autistic but very eloquent and people would just think he was 'naughty' and we were bad parents. He's not naughty as in throwing things but has no filter and no volume control.

The result - we don't eat out! I find it annoying enough and there's no way I would subject other paying diners to it.

If we do find ourselves in a situation where we have to eat out we plan plan plan!! So we have a bag of quiet toys (mostly logic puzzles) and colouring. It's still hard work.

As a parent with a ND child I still think others should be able to quietly enjoy the meal they are paying for and I also get annoyed at the people who do not do anything to keep their children behaving appropriately.