To also need a weekend off

[Nosleeptheo]

I want to know if I'm the ah. Dp told me on Thursday he's having a weekend off from doing anything for the kids and is doing what he wants.

Back story

2 dc aged 5 and 18mths. Dp is a sahd and i work full time in a new field so learning what to do etc. I wfh. Usually our days are 5.30 till 7.30 I get up with the kids and get everything ready for school / school run. This is getting kids breakfast, getting them dressed and for 2 days youngest ready for nursery. I start work at 7.30 then at 8 nip down to say bye to oldest dp has the kids until I finish at 3.30 (does the school run if oldest isn't in after school club) I then come down and deal with the kids cook tea, bath kids and he puts youngest to bed (he goes to sleep quicker for him) we then put oldest to bed at 7.30. At that point I go to bed or watch something before going to bed myself. Any days off I book I make sure I take over duties as the parent in charge.

This weekend has pissed me off because instead of doing stuff together and letting each other has breaks it's all be left to me. Oldest was begging for his dad's attention yesterday for help in a game they play together (I'm useless at it so he doesn't want me to help). This is all going on until Tuesday when back to normal.

Aibu to book a few days off work in the come up weeks and say I'm having a few days off and just leave him to pick up the normal routine.

I get he needs days off and the kids are full on but we are both lucky to not have the children 1 weekend a month when they go to my dads.

He keeps saying this is how I feel if I mention that I'm tired but I feel like yes you get a break most evenings where I finish work and then deal with kids and life stuff where is my break

Is he going away? I can’t understand how you can be at home but not do anything for your kids? 🤔

I think you are both entitled to time off now and again, but it sounds like you have that when they go to your dad’s anyway. Is he just getting fed up of being a sahd? Point out you actually both work as a team.

YANBU, it sounds like you're doing a lot before and after work. It also seems like it would be quite confusing for the kids if he's planning on just ignoring them if they ask him for something simple like a drink during the weekend. I think your plan of taking turns to catch a couple of hours of downtime where you can is a better idea. I feel like not getting a full weekends holiday is kind of what you sign up for when you choose to have kids.

No he's at home just in the garden pissing about with scrap bits of wood. He's 100% fed up of being a stay at home dad but when I say get a job it's not a problem to put youngest in full time at nursery (he's with a family member there) he tells me no he doesn't want to do that. My work even had job openings and I told him as great pay, somthing he does in his spare time and they will give him a official qualification in his hobby. Again he said no maybe in a few years when both are in school.

Definitely very lucky that my kids go to their gp for a weekend so I do get a little breather but do tend to do the jobs that are hard work with the youngest running about as I feel it's the only time I get to do it and I'm not knackered

100% my kids know (mainly oldest as he understands) when I'm have a lil break (usually a soak in the bath for an hour) he can still come to me if he needs anything or to chat which usually it's mid soak I need a poo issue

You need equal time off from kids, housework and work. If he gets a weekend off, you also get one.

I suspect his confidence may be an issue and the longer he puts off going back to work, the harder t will be.

Surely he gets time off when they are in nursery/school?

He sounds lazy.

So the 18 month old is in nursery 2 days a week, the 5 year old also does some after school club, and once a month the kids are with a grandparent. And then you do mornings and after school as well

He gets loads of time off - far far more than huge average SAHM would.

This is what I say but when ever I say I need a break his response is you get a break while at work which in his eyes I sit at a computer while he is dealing with kids in my eyes I'm also doing somthing and learning a brand new skill set

He's not a stay at home dad really. What's the point in him doing that, he's opting out of family life and you're all missing out on extra money whilst he does a few school runs. He doesn't even do the majority of the parenting. He needs to take that job, I'd tell him it's non negotiable you're not happy with this set up anymore.

If this was the other way around, everyone would be falling at their feet to say that the mum would need a break, how dare the husband suggest she doesn't get one!

Of course, OP, you are entitled to a break. But if he stays home with them during the week, so is he.

How about when they go to your parents one weekend you hire a cleaner to sort your house out then bugger off on a weekend away, so you both get time to relax?

i think it would be best if he went back to work. I presume on the two days the youngest is at nursery he’s doing all the housework? He gets plenty of time off.
The danger is the longer you leave it the harder it will be to persuade him back into work and then the resentment will grow, if that leads to separation it’s then proving who has been the primary carer and you’ll loose out financially

Its a little confusing - is he child free 2 days per week when youngest is in nursery?

I lit feel like my brain doesn't stop if I'm not dealing with the kids I'm working or doing life jobs / admin and I'm on the verge of a burn out with it all.

Yesterday started a deep clean in the living room while youngest had his nap stupidly thinking I could finish it in the time frame when when work up I continue and got so over whelmed I had to explain to oldest I just need 5 mins outside with a coffee and no questions luckily he understand a little to much and taped the kitchen door up so I had my 5 mins of peace while youngest was watching something on the TV in his highchair. I told him and he just went it's your own fault

He does the basic tidying up ie washing dishes putting toys away and a quick sweep of the living room all the rest is me apparently that takes him all day

He says she's not entitled to a break. So no, not like a SAHM thread.

That is ridiculous. He thinks work is a break?

Aibu to book a few days off work in the come up weeks and say I'm having a few days off and just leave him to pick up the normal routine.
absolutely do this but why not at a weekend? Go away for a weekend. Friday until late Sunday. Have fun with friends. Don't ask for a break. Take it.

Yeah on nursery days he's child free from 8.40 (school drop of time till 3.30 sometimes 4.20 if there is an after school club on)

WTF he also gets child free days in the week every week.

Cheeky fucker.

He needs to go back to work he is taking the piss. And if this was reversed I.e SAHM I'd feel the same.

I just need 5 mins outside with a coffee and no questions luckily he understand a little to much and taped the kitchen door up so I had my 5 mins of peace while youngest was watching something on the TV in his highchair. I told him and he just went it's your own fault
I dint understand this.

How many SAHM's have husbands who get up with the kids, do all of the morning stuff, finish work as early as 3:30 and then cooks dinner and baths the kids?

He’s not really doing the housework. Is he doing the life admin? Terrible term that. The meal planning, shopping and cooking?

You really need to get him back to work otherwise he’ll get used to a life of not doing a great deal and it’ll be impossible to change it.

Sounds like a messy situation all round. I’m currently on maternity leave (also have a 3 yo) so I kinda currently fit the SAHP role. I have to say, I generally do agree with your DH that work is a break compared to parenting small kids (I’m patient facing NHS). My DH currently works. I have to say, we both struggle to find time for meaningful breaks (ie from all of parenting, housework/life admin and paid employment). We’re probably averaging a full weekend off once or twice a year each and none since DS2 was born. But we do try and swap tasks regularly. So DH will take on primary parent role at weekends and I’ll cook/clean/tidy with a podcast on so I can have some down time from the kids.

The reason this isn’t applicable to you is that he should have ample time for self care during the week. We regularly blitz the house and batch cooks in 4 or 5 hours on the weekend. What is he doing on the 2 days both are in childcare?

But, it is op getting up with the children and doing everything for them. He does nothing to get them up and ready at all.

and he has two days free while they are both at childcare. It is op who doesnt get a break. He has two days a week free.

in fact, rereading the op, all he does is drive them to and from childcare / school. He os barely doing anything else.

op, id stop doing the mornings, the cooking, etc. Week days are all him. Does he do the food shop? He is having a really easy life right now. He needs to get back to work.

OMG I’d leave him. He sounds like a pig.