Page 19 | To have asked him to choose a different sandwich

Medsy · 2024-03-30T13:04:48+00:00

Don't know if it's because it's Easter or what but my local co-ops sandwich section was totally barren, only meat sandwiches left (I'm vegetarian). I saw a man go for the last cheese one there was, so I asked him if he was vegetarian and if not, would he mind if I had it? A woman (wife?) appeared and went batshit at me and called me rude. It made me quite pissed off actually. I wouldn't have a problem with say a gluten free person asking me if they could have the last gluten free sandwich. WIBU?

ZiriForGood · 31/03/2024 08:53

ReadingSoManyThreads · 31/03/2024 00:42

Oh my goodness, I'm shocked at the responses on this thread!! @Medsy YANBU, you politely asked, nothing rude at all about that, it's not like you snatched it out of his hand for crying out loud. The woman's response was over the top and unreasonable. You did nothing wrong and were not rude. If you don't ask, you don't get. I'd have done the same if there was only one sandwich left that didn't have my allergy food in it. Nothing wrong in politely asking, as long as you graciously accept a no response.

I actually don't know what the world is coming to when you have had so many batshit replies on this thread. In my culture, no one would think twice to do someone a favour like this.

Edited

I don't think asking if he was vegetarian and if not, would he mind if I had it? is really polite. It is suggesting that vegetarianism makes person more worthy of the cheese sandwich, it is asking him to explain why should he be allowed to keep his sandwich.

And, the OP practically confirmed this reading in her further posts.

This just isn't a polite approach.

Original poster

Medsy · 31/03/2024 08:53

Megifer · 31/03/2024 08:47

Tbf it might MIGHT not have been so bad if op hadn't asked the dude if he was vegetarian.

If someone asked me I wouldn't mind the question I guess, I'd still say no. If someone rolled out the "I'm a vegetarian don't you know" I'd say no and probably enjoy it more (saying no and the sandwich, said as an ex vegan)

If op had asked my mum that, who has awful anxiety and takes 2 days to build up the confidence to go to the local shop, she'd have said fine, probably apologised for existing, then wouldn't buy a sandwich ever again. Tbh it's for those people that I think its shitty to ask, just deal with the fact that you missed out instead of making your dietary preferences someone else's issue to resolve for you.

So, never have an innocuous conversation with anyone as it might cause somebody to have a breakdown and never visit a supermarket again?
Yeah, thanks but I won't be taking your advice!

OP posts:

Original poster

Medsy · 31/03/2024 08:55

Megifer · 31/03/2024 08:52

Well, no, you're not entitled to ask. Not at all. You can ask, but entitled? No.

And there are plenty of people with MH issues who struggle with engaging with strangers, and are frightened when their door bell goes. Is that a surprise to you?

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It doesn't surprise me, no

OP posts:

ForestBather · 31/03/2024 08:55

Megifer · 31/03/2024 08:47

Tbf it might MIGHT not have been so bad if op hadn't asked the dude if he was vegetarian.

If someone asked me I wouldn't mind the question I guess, I'd still say no. If someone rolled out the "I'm a vegetarian don't you know" I'd say no and probably enjoy it more (saying no and the sandwich, said as an ex vegan)

If op had asked my mum that, who has awful anxiety and takes 2 days to build up the confidence to go to the local shop, she'd have said fine, probably apologised for existing, then wouldn't buy a sandwich ever again. Tbh it's for those people that I think its shitty to ask, just deal with the fact that you missed out instead of making your dietary preferences someone else's issue to resolve for you.

I agree, asking him to justify his no was definitely crossing a line. I can't have processed meat as per doctor's orders, and I don't owe that kind of information to OP or anyone. Still first in first served.

exerciseshmexercise · 31/03/2024 08:56

ZiriForGood · 31/03/2024 08:53

I don't think asking if he was vegetarian and if not, would he mind if I had it? is really polite. It is suggesting that vegetarianism makes person more worthy of the cheese sandwich, it is asking him to explain why should he be allowed to keep his sandwich.

And, the OP practically confirmed this reading in her further posts.

This just isn't a polite approach.

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This is exactly the point I'm trying to make only you have made it better.

Why does vegetarianism mean you're more entitled to the sandwich than me because philosophy @Medsy ?

TheHeadOfTheHouse · 31/03/2024 09:00

Being vegetarian is a choice, not a medical reason so comparing it to someone being gluten free is not the same as most people who are gluten free are gluten free due to an intolerance.

i don’t think there was any harm in asking him, I probably would have given you the sandwich.

Original poster

Medsy · 31/03/2024 09:01

Reading this thread it's pretty clear to me now how we ended up with a brexit vote

OP posts:

exerciseshmexercise · 31/03/2024 09:02

Medsy · 31/03/2024 09:01

Reading this thread it's pretty clear to me now how we ended up with a brexit vote

I voted remain fwiw.

ForestBather · 31/03/2024 09:02

Medsy · 31/03/2024 09:01

Reading this thread it's pretty clear to me now how we ended up with a brexit vote

Yes, not giving up a sandwich to meet your preferences definitely equates with a Brexit leave vote.

exerciseshmexercise · 31/03/2024 09:03

I really wish the OP would answer my question but clearly they're not going to they're just going to claim that meat eaters voted for Brexit. LOL.

Beasmum4 · 31/03/2024 09:04

Medsy · 31/03/2024 09:01

Reading this thread it's pretty clear to me now how we ended up with a brexit vote

I voted Remain but still think you’re rude.

Abbimae · 31/03/2024 09:04

er yabu

Megifer · 31/03/2024 09:04

Medsy · 31/03/2024 08:53

So, never have an innocuous conversation with anyone as it might cause somebody to have a breakdown and never visit a supermarket again?
Yeah, thanks but I won't be taking your advice!

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Innocuous doesn't mean what you think it means unfortunately.

By asking if the guy was vegetarian you implied your preference for the sandwich was greater than his if hes not a vegetarian. That's not innocuous. Not even a little bit.

Not suggesting for one minute you take my advice (although it wasn't advice? Another word that doesnt mean what you think it means) just giving another view as to why its not going to be such a benign request for some.

HoldingTheDoor · 31/03/2024 09:04

What in the actual fuck has you being bonkers enough to ask someone if they could give you their sandwich got to do with Brexit?

Abbimae · 31/03/2024 09:06

Medsy · 30/03/2024 16:52

Well clearly I live on another planet (duly accepted!) because I actually feel the complete opposite to you. I find it concerning and sad to live in a society where someone can't politely, in a friendly way and applying no pressure, ask if there's any chance someone would be okay with swapping sandwiches. It's hardly "Hey do you mind if I take a dump un your basket?" is it?
He could have said "actually I'm veggie too" or "actually I've been really craving a cheese sandwich, sorry!" and I would have said no problem! Or he might have said "sure, I was torn between that and the chicken coronation anyway so knock yourself out".

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Except by asking you are applying pressure? As in there is a suggestion you do except them to swap. Smacks entitlement. Your own lack of planning is not someone else’s fault

MummaMummaJumma · 31/03/2024 09:06

DreamTheMoors · 31/03/2024 03:06

Read that back to yourself, @MummaMummaJumma.
What is it you fancy?

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Definitely the bat shit!

Loopytiles · 31/03/2024 09:07

charming, OP!

Original poster

Medsy · 31/03/2024 09:10

HoldingTheDoor · 31/03/2024 09:04

What in the actual fuck has you being bonkers enough to ask someone if they could give you their sandwich got to do with Brexit?

It shows a mistrust and fear of others/strangers. It also shows that when the option is there to make a connection that might mean everyone leaves happy, Outraged in Surrey would prefer you say nothing at all and leave empty handed with no debate.

OP posts:

kαλοκαλοκαιρι · 31/03/2024 09:11

Pepsiisbetterthancoke · 30/03/2024 13:24

Maybe she thought you wanted more than his sarnie.

🙄

oh crack a smile champ, it was a joke on thread full of over reactions about someone asking for a sandwich

Juicesausagecake · 31/03/2024 09:12

I think you are all right, OP.

This was a genuinely good AIBU dilemma for Mumsnet.

The MN crowd have given you a hard time. I don’t know why people make these threads so personal. But that doesn’t mean you were wrong for mentioning it to the man. He wasn’t unreasonable for declining, either.

KeinLiebeslied54321 · 31/03/2024 09:13

ReadingSoManyThreads · 31/03/2024 02:16

Or maybe he wasn't that fussed on what flavour he had and just grabbed the first one? Who knows? We'll never know, but there was no harm in asking politely if he'd swap. It's not bad manners to politely ask.

Is it really so awkward to reply "Actually, I want to stick with the cheese".

Edited

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Is it really so awkward to reply "Actually, I want to stick with the cheese"

for some people, yes, as has already been explained.

exerciseshmexercise · 31/03/2024 09:13

Medsy · 31/03/2024 09:10

It shows a mistrust and fear of others/strangers. It also shows that when the option is there to make a connection that might mean everyone leaves happy, Outraged in Surrey would prefer you say nothing at all and leave empty handed with no debate.

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I voted remain.

Your form of questioning would not have meant I left happy. I would have left hungry. And you think you're superior to me because philosophy. And that is very odd.

KeinLiebeslied54321 · 31/03/2024 09:14

Medsy · 31/03/2024 08:39

The co-op wife vibe is strong in this one...

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Meanwhile the entitled 'vibe' is positively bursting out of you.

KeinLiebeslied54321 · 31/03/2024 09:16

Medsy · 31/03/2024 09:01

Reading this thread it's pretty clear to me now how we ended up with a brexit vote

Really?
How so?
Is that what all the entitled folk, like you, wanted?

HoldingTheDoor · 31/03/2024 09:19

”Make a connection” Why do they have to make a connection with you? You’re buying lunch from a store that presumably sells hundreds of other edible products, even if they aren’t your first choice, before going on a train journey to Leicester or wherever. Not dividing up your last ration pack with the only other survivor of the plane crash before trekking through the wilds of Alaska together.