I hate our holiday and want to go home

[Backwoods57]

I need to rant.

Day 10 of a 13 day visit to the UK. We moved to the USA in 2014 and have to come back every year because MIL can't afford to visit us, and is scared of flying. We are in Aldershot/Farnham area. There is nothing to do apart from walk up and down dead high streets. Traffic is terrible, I smell the pollution and cigarette smoke everywhere.

If we don't come we get a massive guilt trip about MIL not seeing grandkids etc.

This trip cost $4000, we have done very little apart from visit family and sit in my SiL's cramped dirty messy house.

2 weeks of my 3 week vacation allowance has been thrown away. I have start working remotely for A. Something to do, and B so I can claim some vacation days back.

I miss my home, our dogs, I miss countryside and wildlife, I want my space back.....and tap water that doesn't taste like bleach.

Instead of whining like a baby, research things to do and actually get out somewhere?

🤣😂😃

What about day trips if you can't afford to stay elsewhere? If you're only 2 hours from London you could easily go there for the day and return in the evening. Or other places. Train service in UK is great.
Taste of water, by the way, is regional. I live in the SW in the USA and the water in my city tastes foul. The water we drank in the UK last year was fine.
There are so many things to do in the UK, and so many that are easily accessible, that it baffles me that someone would sit in one spot and not get out. And if your sister in law can't go bc she's getting her kids then go without her and see her in the evening.

Seems like OP is long gone

You've been doing this for 10 years, even with small infants?

This is madness. I hope you see how selfish your MIL is? And so is your DH for putting up with it.

Have you ever had a nice holiday where you got to do something you wanted to do?

I'd draw the line in the sand about this for next holiday either your wet husband takes the kids by himself or the cheeky mare can figure out how to pop a Xanax and get on the fucking plane to come visit you.

I wonder if OP has ever bothered to mention to anyone that she doesn't want to do it?

As for her holidays ... going to a log cabin in Maine and killing animals seems to be her idea of a good time.

Just for ‘context’ where is now ‘home’ in the USA ? I only ask because if you’re now residing in a warm climate and with our crazy weather (I remeber easter in Uk being sunny and pleasant and sometimes even high 20s and blue skies!) but it’s been awful lately .. so I can imagine the weather having an added depressing factor on your ‘holiday’ if say you’re used to Hawaii or Las Vegas or California or Florida!

Lastly (forgive me if you’ve already said - I’m sleep deprived and lost my lovely new glasses!) but do you have DC? And if so were they born in the US? As if they were I can imagine this also being a depressing factor .. for they’re not going to take aldershot kindly (I’ve been there many times to visit my younger brother when he served in the army and my goodness it was utterly depressing .. boarded up shops , dirty pubs , people drinking blue coloured alcohol pop drinks down thr street .. lying on the pavements , getting late night greasy chicken cottage type ‘food’ or those elephant legs spinning around ‘kebab’ meats in polystyrene containers with greasy chips .. yuck!

Lastly surely you KNOW how awful this type of ‘vacation’ would be? I don’t understand why you’re posting this? You know your mil is an old difficult dinosaur , your SIL is messy in her dirty house ,, you know what aldershot is like! So WHY are you doing this? Why? Tell mil to do an online hypnotherapy course to get over flying .. even if your OH pays for her to figure you it’ll be a whole lot cheaper than £4K that’s for sure plus he can entertain her while you still work and you can save your precious and well deserved limited yearly weeks for holidays on something for you and your family!
Lastly if you still feel morally ‘obliged’ to visit them then you have to make them meet you half way .. you are NOT a taxi service for your lazy sil to pick up her kids (she has to cope somehow when you’re in the US so you don’t need to burden yourself)
you book a beautiful little place in say New Forest and they should make the effort to see you! And don’t come for weeks on end .. maybe 5 -7 days max then finish with a lovely trip to somewhere like Portugal just you and your own little family

Life is too short to ‘grin and bare it’ and do things the you don’t want to do or doesn’t make you happy

It it costs your peace of mind then nothing is worth it

@CocoBellaSparkle if you click "see all" on OP's posts you'll find the answers (Maine, and yes).

I wonder if OP has ever bothered to mention to anyone that she doesn't want to do it?

As for her holidays ... going to a log cabin in Maine and killing animals seems to be her idea of a good time.

^
ohhh please don’t say that OP has said this ☹️ I’m an animal activist and she had my utmost sympathy hence my long post upthread to her .. I truly hope she doesn’t enjoy killing innocent beings with her dc

Yep, afraid so. Killing animals for fun is an important life skill, apparently. As I said, click "see all" on any of her posts and you get the whole thing.

Not that it looks like OP will be back. So, it's a wind-up, she's getting her poor SIL to take her somewhere, or she's sitting stewing because she didn't get the reaction she hoped?

You could have been describing my family of origin.

We emigrated in the 60s and we were expected to return. Didn't matter if it nearly caused my parent to divorce. Family had to see us. They expected us to provide duty free alcohol, cigarettes, and fulfill a list of things they wanted from Canada.

Family in the UK "couldn't afford the trip" . Did they really think my parents could afford to pay for four transatlantic flights and hire a car to take them around when we arrived?

Oh, and for the eco warriors complaining about hunting? Hunting keeps the animal population in control. Our province only offers a specific number of tags each season to help cull the herds. Why let facts and science stop a PETA dragging of OP

@Catsmere give me aldershot ANYDAY over killing animals for ‘fun’ in Maine .. what a delightful lady OP is?

@CocoBellaSparkle same here!

OP said they lived in rural Maine
The state most similar to the English countryside 🤣🤣🤣

👏👏👏👏👏

@CocoBellaSparkle also the OP is relying on SIL to drive them everywhere... she's not the taxi service, SIL is!

Unfortunately SIL has to suspend her free taxi service to do the school run...

I know what you mean.

@Mothership4two It's Army slang for "complaining". Also - and this is going to sound entirely stupid - my ability to write anything even remotely witty or entertaining seems to have buggered off 😭Can I give you an IOU for a "proper" response tomorrow instead please?

You were the one who came on a holiday you knew was going to be shit because you've done it before - what did you expect?

This needed to be tackled by you standing up to your husband a long time before you left. Maybe he actually likes visiting the UK?

Either way you've wasted a lot of time now.

Don't think Op is living a high spec life in the US. She is living in a cheaper rural area with good scenery and used to lower cost, camping in wilderness holidays.

High spec people can spare money for a car or local train tickets when they are already getting free accomodation on holiday.

Why are you taking responsibility for controlling animal population in control? I am from India, the most populated country, also not as big as Canada, we don't take it upon ourselves to control animal population. Our planet is not just made for humans. You are giving excuses for indulging in a cruel hobby.

She would've had a, what, 1 or 2 year break for Covid? So not every year for a decade.

Benjamin Franklin is credited with the saying 'guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.'

Never do this again. Your poor sister in law.

Time to pull yourselves together and be an adult.

I don't see any mention of ages - your MIL could be anywhere between 40 and 90 something, and that would have a strong effect on what you could all do.

Fear of flying can be totally crushing, not just a deliberate attempt to be irritating. So start with some compassion for her and for the SIL who has been saddled with you all.

You know the facts - your holiday time has been sacrificed to his family arrangements for too long.

It's a huge chunk of joint family money you're currently throwing down the drain.

So - what are you going to do next time, OP? And that could include having a word with yourself about not slagging off the country that's hosting you.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/presence-mind/201307/the-trouble-houseguests

we lived abroad for 15 years and so came back to visit every summer. Rent a cottage near family and friends. That way they can come and visit you. Hire a car, you can take yourself out for days if you feel like and you aren’t tied to anyone else’s schedule.
Yes, it is an expense to rent a house and hire a car but it just makes the time so much nice.
i looked forward to getting back to our accommodation, getting the kids to bed and cracking open a nice bottle of wine in total peace and quiet.

I'm late to the thread but it's given me a good chuckle this morning.

Seems like OP is a dedicated Moaner. As such she seems to have arranged a perfect holiday for herself – a fortnight in Aldershot in March while staying with the in-laws. With bonus points for the outings to Woking and Fleet.

Might I suggest she ends her holiday with a day trip to Slough; that should round things off nicely.