I hate our holiday and want to go home

[Backwoods57]

I need to rant.

Day 10 of a 13 day visit to the UK. We moved to the USA in 2014 and have to come back every year because MIL can't afford to visit us, and is scared of flying. We are in Aldershot/Farnham area. There is nothing to do apart from walk up and down dead high streets. Traffic is terrible, I smell the pollution and cigarette smoke everywhere.

If we don't come we get a massive guilt trip about MIL not seeing grandkids etc.

This trip cost $4000, we have done very little apart from visit family and sit in my SiL's cramped dirty messy house.

2 weeks of my 3 week vacation allowance has been thrown away. I have start working remotely for A. Something to do, and B so I can claim some vacation days back.

I miss my home, our dogs, I miss countryside and wildlife, I want my space back.....and tap water that doesn't taste like bleach.

YANBU. Duty visits are the worst. I absolutely detest having to visit my in-laws in the hell hole that is the USA. Crap food, overly expensive, full of ignorant people and ugly, ugly cities with terrible weather, either too hot or too cold depending on when we visit. There's nothing to do except extreme consumerism, and don't get me started on the poverty and homelessness.

I can never wait to get back to my home comforts either, so I sympathise there. And then there's the lovely fresh air, the rolling hills and expanse of countryside literally out my back door. And the fact one of the most beautiful cities in the world, with history and culture in abundance, is an hour away. Heaven!

I find it's particularly bad when you wallow in your own self-pity rather than use any gumption you have to use the internet and at least explore the attractions that are accessible to you. But on the upside, at least you can buy meat here from an actual shop that's not pumped full of additives and antibiotics and don't need to resort to shooting your own. Silver linings!

Birdworld
Alice Holt

Also, there's typically pressure to spend as much time as possible with family when you visit from abroad. MIL gets annoyed at us spending a day in London when we're over because she's missing out on the children (she's invited but refuses join us).

With half of Maine almost completely uninhabited it’s hardly surprising Aldershot isn’t really your cup of tea.
Why not spend some time in the Highlands and Islands next time you visit the UK.

So SIL is spending her free time ferrying you all about whilst you sit with a face like a smacked arse, moaning that she's got to be back for the school run and that her house is small and dirty. You sound lovely.

This with bells on. And the op is from the UK so must have realised the lay of the land before she arrived. The whole " Waah. I hate the UK. I am bored. Its shit' mentality Is really tone deaf on a predominantly UK site. She needs to take ownership and do something productive herself rather than whinging on here. I couldn't imagine sitting passively in someone else's home and not saying "Right. I really want to go to X place so will see you this evening:

To be fair, I don't think Aldershot is really anyone's cup of tea. But it is within easy reach of plenty of other, nicer places.

The New Forest is not far from Aldershot/Farnham as are the Surrey Hills and Winchester/Chichester and North Wessex Downs or South Downs. Loads of lovely countryside. You should have hired a car and not got involved with picking up your SIL children from school and maybe stayed in an air bnb. I would not use 2 out of your 3 weeks vacation allowance and in the future split your holiday so you spend one week with MIL and then go somewhere else for a week either with her if she will come or without her. Or just make the trip every 2 years.

Yeah, but don't forget they've got The Donald. That's got to be a great asset (ditto Joe Biden)😂

I’d hire a car and visit U.K. between May and September

So you like being out in the countryside and have chosen to visit fairly unexciting towns in the UK? I don't understand when you are not paying for accommodation why renting a car is beyond your budget? We went to Canada last year and you definitely needed transport to get anywhere and if anything the UK is easier to get around being smaller and trains or coaches are an option if driving and parking are an issue. Not sure why you find everything expensive in the UK. Canada was twice as expensive as here both for eating out and accommodation. Not sure about your part of the US though but I would not imagine that is cheap either.

A holiday is what you make it. If you don’t make any effort to do anything other than walk up and down dead high streets then obviously you won’t have a good time!

There are plenty of much more interesting things to do in the UK. If you are in Farnham, then London and all it’s attractions are basically on your doorstep.

Yep. I would love to hear the SIL’s side…. She is housing the OP for 3 weeks. Probably something along the lines of my freeloading moany SIL has come to stay, can’t wait for her to go back to America.

I absolutely detest having to visit my in-laws in the hell hole that is the USA.

This 100%. All except for Maine, which is blessed.😂

But only if you don't sweat, I hear.

I think you should have planned the trip abit better. Could you have asked SIL to drop you in the New Forest for a few days? You are so close to absolutely stunning parts of the UK (New Forest, South West) with tons to do. The majority of the population is out exploring the countryside, the coast, beautiful cities etc today. It sounds as if it probably wasn’t a good idea being relient on SIL driving and timing it with her kids needing to be picked up from school, so you can’t really enjoy full days out (easter holidays have just started here after all). I would definately arrange your own break within your stay next time.

I'm another one who doesn't get why the OP doesn't hire a car when accommodation is free. When I visit the UK I'm reliant on rels and friends putting me up but then I make sure I've got wheels so I'm not their face 24/7 and can actually see more the lovely UK.

I'm Hampshire too and, as several posters have said, there are lots of lovely places to visit, but you need to budget for a hire car. And, as another poster said upthread, there's lots of free places to go in London (less than an hour away by train).

Winchester, Portsmouth, Petersfield and Oxford take about an hour to an hour and a half to get to by train. There are lots of nice walks around Winchester.

Just to add - do you drive? If so, first thing to do would have been hire a car. Drive to the south coast, Dorset, Devon, Cornwall - all stunning. Im sure your family would understand needing a few days to have a proper holiday and SIL would probably be glad not to host for abit.

This is exactly what we have done this Easter holidays. We have had a weeks holiday on our own or seeing friends and have driven to pick up the inlaws and taken them to Pickering for a week and we are staying in a cottage. Yes, it limits our activities a bit but it is better than having nothing to do.

You make choices about what you do - yes it is costly but better than sitting in a house for three weeks and moaning,

Bah ha ha ha ha. Exactly. It's like you've connived to have the worst holiday ever. ALDERSHOT isn't a holiday destination, it's a squaddie town that Londoners/rest of the UK don't visit (or speak of) with good reason.

Yep I agree. A fun family hobby ! 🙄

Haven't read the whole thread so please forgive if this has already been suggested - but for goodness sake - why don't you just pay for your MIL to come and visit you?????????????????????????????????

Surely that must be cheaper and less traumatising than you visiting her - although I hear that she's got a fear of flying, but surely - just put more pressure on her - i.e. "We're not going to do this trip ever again - we mean it! - and in future we'll pay for you to visit us!" ..............

Back to the OP's OP, there's work to be done on the guilt tripping by the MIL. Just don't go every year, possibly help her pay for a flight if you're feeling generous.

I live in Australia and get a lot of when are you coming back, though possibly they're just being polite, but it's too expensive so I don't. And I'd also like to holiday more here- though it also costs an arm and a leg.

What does your DH feel about all this?

But there are beautiful places within easy reach. The New Forest is beautiful and if they had planned ahead, they could have got an air b&b and hired a car. Visited lots of lovely places around the south coast too. No matter where my MIL lived, I couldn’t stay around the house for 3 weeks or rely on the poor SIL to be a taxi driver. Even if she didn’t hire a car, get on a bus/train and get out exploring.