I hate our holiday and want to go home

[Backwoods57]

I need to rant.

Day 10 of a 13 day visit to the UK. We moved to the USA in 2014 and have to come back every year because MIL can't afford to visit us, and is scared of flying. We are in Aldershot/Farnham area. There is nothing to do apart from walk up and down dead high streets. Traffic is terrible, I smell the pollution and cigarette smoke everywhere.

If we don't come we get a massive guilt trip about MIL not seeing grandkids etc.

This trip cost $4000, we have done very little apart from visit family and sit in my SiL's cramped dirty messy house.

2 weeks of my 3 week vacation allowance has been thrown away. I have start working remotely for A. Something to do, and B so I can claim some vacation days back.

I miss my home, our dogs, I miss countryside and wildlife, I want my space back.....and tap water that doesn't taste like bleach.

It does have an incredible history; not least particular American-specific anxieties which its art and literature captures, and which British literature never could. We are different continents with very different cultures.

That a lot of US legend and folklore is not rooted in Western-centric discourses doesn't mean that a history does not exist. The history of the gilded age is also well worth reading into.

It's different, but different doesn't equal 'bad'.

You are contributing towards food?

Pigeon pie. Wabbit stew.

America is where people go to reinvent themselves and build new lives. Sounds like that’s what you’ve done OP, and adopted a new lifestyle and a different set of values and priorities. That’s totally fair enough and I can see how you don’t want to be dragged back to be reminded of what you’ve left behind.

You don’t want to enjoy yourself or be here (as lots of PPs have said, there’s tons to do, you just don’t want to do them). So don’t come anymore. Let your husband take your kids over himself. Or let you MIL come to you (she needs to figure out how that works).

Why is she trapped? Is that because she can’t be arsed to get the train anywhere? Or hire a car? Or get a taxi? Or do you actually think she’s been held there against her will?

Aldershot is a horrible place, I understand if it's messing with her mental health, that is all.

I've just got back. Yesterday.

What a simply beautiful region. In some ways it reminds me of Norway (whose coastal regions, oddly enough, have something of a Maine vibe about them too). The western regions also have a lot of that warmth, friendliness and welcoming atmosphere that unfortunately is sadly lacking in many parts of England.

But accessible and easy to reach and travel around, it isn't. And you'd better pack properly. Four seasons in one day, howling, freezing winds and horizontal rain are the norm. And I don't even like to think what the midges must be like in summer.

I'd seriously consider living there if I thought I could hack 17 hours of darkness and possibly being cut off by weather conditions and an inadequate road network in the winter.

I am sympathetic to be cooped up with ILs in places I wouldn’t particularly choose for myself using up precious annual leave. I’ve had to do a fair bit of that, but I always negotiate boundaries. If they’re somewhere for a week, we’ll drop in for three days and then go on somewhere else.

As a former expat, I feel for you. One year we visited the in-laws and even my dh hated it. We ended up renting a cottage in Norfolk for the remainder of the trip. Could you pay to fly her out next year?

Sounds like you’ve decided to have a shitty time. Get a taxi to the station and go into London for the day.

You have two kids under 5! You’re in a great location! Legoland, Cheddington world of adventures, rhs wisley, painshill, Garson pick your own, Claremont gardens, cobham high street lovely for some quiet shopping, London trips to the museums, docklands have the sandpit, young v&a, the balloon/ bubble exhibition or whatever it’s called. Omg so much just go do something!

“Lovely “ - exactly. I replied to the bit where you said they were “shit” by comparison.

Train into London. Lots to do there.

Why though? Do expats lose the ability to socialise wirh their alleged loved ones or something? If there's no majestic views or animals to shoot is it all just a disaster?

How sad. Some expats clearly need fo work on their people skills.

I didn't say it was and I do like the US but it doesn't have Castles or Stately homes and I would miss that. I live 1 mile from Arundel castle in Sussex, I can see it from my bedroom window and it's stunning, fun fact: lots of houses in the area have secret tunnels that lead directly to the castle itself, Oliver Cromwell and his army hid in the tunnels to launch a surprise attack at dawn on Royalist troops based at the Castle. I love that kind of history..

Surely even though you have small children, they're going to absolutely love the train journey into London, and then a day seeing sights? There's no point just budgeting for the flights over from Maine, you also need to account for day trips, or more, round the UK and mainland Europe. If you can only afford to sit around in Aldershot, going nowhere, there's no point your making the trip, get your mil to pay for lovely holiday treats as you've made the effort to bring the whole family over to see her! As others have said, it seems as if you're determined not to enjoy it.

I don’t think this thread needs to descend into UK v US bashing. I do agree she could have worded her post better but I’ll put it to frustration.

as others have said it’s on her to make better plans next year rather than continue to do the same thing over and over and over for 10 years that clearly makes her unhappy.

Well to be fair the OP did start the UK bashing but I get your point...

I was asked if I’d seen those places, so I answered that question

I would rather walk up and down a grim British high street in the rain for the rest of my days on this earth than put my child under five in the same building as a gun for his holiday

I think you are being unreasonable to be moaning about your sil needing to pick up her kids when you are relying on her to drive you about to save money.

It seems very unconsiderate of you when she is obviously putting herself out to do you a favour and it's pretty horrible to be slagging off her house online too, anonymous or not. So you'd normally go on some kind of hunting retreat? Which doesn't exactly sound lovely.

It's also unreasonable not to have any notions or plans of what to do when you've been going there for the past 10 years.

You surely don't have to come back for so long? Keep it shorter and sweeter. 13 days is an awful long time. I certainly understand why you have reached fed up point when you are there for so long. Sounds like a bad plan for everyone.

@SerafinasGoose yes dark winters are tough going but the 21 hours of light in summer make up for it

York wasn’t a massively practical place to pick for a mini break away when London is literally right there.

In fairness, holidays with two under five don’t present with limitless choices. Hoiking small kids round Paris ( I did it for four years) is knackering. And the weather everywhere atm is pretty diabolical - we live in southern France and it is grim. Next year, come in summer to escape hot and humid US. Get a nice air bnb by a nice beach somewhere and let them come to you.

😂 was thinking the same 😂

Could be worse, you could be spending your vacay in Fleet, now that is the most boring town!