Kids in changing room at gym

[Snowypony]

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class

i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes

i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me

i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable

i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff.

I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

Nobody would rather see that - we would all rather see proper accessible facilities. What we don't agree with is males in female spaces.

Nobody is 'scolding' anyone, simply pointing out that males over the allowed age have NO place in a women only space, especially a communal changing area.

I didn't repeatedly pretend anything.
I didn't harass you.

If they aren’t comfortable then they say no, as is their right. I can’t barrel in without knowing what people think, and I can’t know what they think without asking. If I get staff, they still ask- so unless people are ordered out of their space the question has to come.

I phrased it that way because usually when I say “I ask if we can use the bathroom”, some poster or other comes and tells me I’m insensitive and entitled to even ask to use the toilet, because people might not like saying no-

so I’m preempting that comment by pointing out that no one has ever told me that they are upset at being asked.

Id rather just be able to use the toilet like able bodied people do, but since I don’t have that privilege, asking is the least rude thing I can do if I find myself in an emergency.

I'd have hope we'd have run out of 'reasons' for mothers to force their boys into all female spaces, alas it seems not.
Just to clarify, not wanting disabled males in women's spaces does not mean we don't want better for disabled folk, it means we won't sacrifice women's spaces for men.

Do you reference the Equality Act 2010 in any complaints? It superceded the Disability Discrimination Act 1995 and confirms it is illegal to discriminate against disabled people by offering a lesser service (in most cases.) A lot of these places sound like they're breaking the law and need to be held to account.

Re kids in the changing rooms - I thought the rule was single-sex changing once over 8 years old and has been for years. I've broken it when I had a baby and 2 older but not sensible boys but we then used cubicles or I blocked the view.

I didn't compare you to my father so knock it off.

I said there are alternatives to males using the female space.

You seem yo believe there is none which is not true.
You have a major problem and it is the lack of accessibility in public places which is worfly inadequate but again the solution in not makes in female spaces.

… erm, I agree with you. I was referring to posters telling women off for “sexualising” children and not caring about young boys’ safety etc.

Yes I know, disability legislation seems to be treated as a slightly odd suggestion rather than actual legislation.

It’s a reflection of the general attitude of the public- most able bodied people don’t care/know/realise (and some are openly hostile), so places get away with ignoring it.

Ah, sorry, my bad.

You said you know what it’s like to need accessible facilities- you really don’t.

Of course I do as my father's carer I needed to support him to access them whenever we went out. So how is that not knowing what its like to need accessible facilities?

You seem to think you are the only disabled person on the world!

So you don't take your son in go the ladies then?
If not what the hell is your problem with me saying males over a certain age should stay out of female spaces?

I’m not the only one- you aren’t one at all.

You occasionally needed to find a disabled toilet for someone else, for a short period of time.

So you don't take your son in go the ladies then?
If not what the hell is your problem with me saying males over a certain age should stay out of female spaces?

No, as I said.

There is no problem with you saying that- my problem was with your attitude when I brought up the difficulties faced by disabled women and the mothers of disabled children- we are women too.

I’m not the only one- you aren’t one at all.

I never said I was but being a carer for someone who is does mean I have experience of using disabled facilities.

You occasionally needed to find a disabled toilet for someone else, for a short period of time.

Why are you undermining my father's needs?
Do you only care about disabled people with the same health issues as you?

with your attitude when I brought up the difficulties faced by disabled women and the mothers of disabled children- we are women too.

I have no attitude towards the difficulties faced by disabled people I have in fact stated more than once the facilities are inadequate and venues need to do better. I never said anything negative about women using women's facilities either!
My attitude is that women's facilities are not the solution to inadequate male facilities disabled or not.

and generally not expect my experience to be heard.

There you go making things up again.
I have said more than once complain hugely to the venue. Complain to anyone that can make a difference so ease stop lying about what I have said.

Taking someone to shit in a bag rather than use a female toilet is hardly something to feel pride about. OTT

I’m not lying. You said your dad was in a wheelchair for 8 months and you occasionally had to find facilities for him- I’m taking that at face value. If it was more than that I had no way of knowing.

Being a carer does give you experience of being a carer.

Your attitude was shown in your suggestion that I go in the men’s with them, and not doing that was refusing to inconvenience men… when that clearly isn’t the reason I don’t want to do that.

Its a shocking double standard to blow up because you (incorrectly) think a disabled 10 year old boy is in the ladies, because women and girls might be scared or uncomfortable- but to characterise my not wanting to be dick level with a line of peeing men as ‘a choice’, and me ‘refusing’ to look for alternatives for my DS.

Being a carer does give you experience of being a carer.

And?
I said I have experience of needing to access disabled facilities you decided I didn't as I am not disabled so apparently my experience doesnt count.

Its a shocking double standard to blow up because you (incorrectly) think a disabled 10 year old boy is in the ladies, because women and girls might be scared or uncomfortable- but to characterise my not wanting to be dick level with a line of peeing men as ‘a choice’, and me ‘refusing’ to look for alternatives for my DS.

It is a choice if you choose to access the men's if they are still in their with their dicks out.

This is a summary of the things I have said just in case you feel the need to make up more things.

Males over a certain ages should not be in female facilities.
Accessible public facilities are inadequate.
I have experience of this due to caring for my disabled father.
People should complain loudly.
There are alternatives to males using the female space. Planning outings is key.
If a venue cannot meet your needs leave and complain hugely.
Female spaces are not the solution to inadequate male facilities.

Things I haven't said.

Your son should piss on the floor.
You should go in the men's with their kicks out at eye level.
Disabled women should not use female facilities.
I am disabled.
Disabled people should just stay home.
Disabled people should not complain.

My son at that age would have refused point blank to go into a female changing room!

But that's because you've always done it so it's normal. Have any of those girls been cruel about your body? Have any women demanded you show them your body? Have you had males standing at the door looking in?

Am I missing something? I thought this thread was about an 11 year old in a female communal changing room where women were naked not toilets where there are cubicles or men facing urinals.

@NoisySnail

4* hotel Kensington, significant charge to enter the pool too…

If that’s what is happening there for disabled people, you can imagine what is happening elsewhere.

@MaterialGirlAllDay

……… presuming you have experience of children…..

My child has difficulty sensing that he needs to go to the bathroom, often only realising at the last moment that he needs to go.

By the time I locate a member of staff, they’ve located management, the management have cleared and closed off the male toilets he would have had an accident and public humiliation…. Sorry, but no.

Any decent woman - based on my experience - would have compassion and make an accommodation.

For goodness sake it is a closed toilet cubicle!!

It is a very rare occurrence and only when all other options exhausted.

A child without any valid reason such as disability is an entirely different matter.

Any decent woman - based on my experience - would have compassion and make an accommodation

What about decent men?
Why can't men make the accommodation so another male can use male facilities?

Why can't you use the accessible facilities?

Why is the female space always the only solution?

@MaterialGirlAllDay

Did you actually read any of my posts??

My child needs a carer with them.

If there are no disabled facilities or they are out of order I have to use the safest option for both of us.

That is the women’s toilets. I am not going into a male toilet and my son cannot go into any toilet on his own 🤷‍♀️

As I said this is a rare occurrence, but it happens, and ALL females I have ever encountered in these instances have been entirely supportive, kind and empathetic.

When DC reaches 8 I may have to ring ahead to check facilities are present and operational… but beyond this what can I do??

There will be instances where we are travelling for instance and aren’t familiar with places we may need to stop along the way; you can’t preempt everything.