I want to hire this man but I really fancy him

[Ohnodontwantthiscrush]

I'll try to keep it non outting.

I have a business. It's hard to get reliable staff as by nature of the work it attracts young people who take a casual approach. I spend a lot of time recruiting.

My DH helps me in the business but wants to step back entirely as his real job is senior and demanding. He pays for most stuff. He's also a great DH, we are going through a very in love phase which is why I hate this.

A man applied for the job and followed up proactively. He's our age and way over qualified. He would be a great person to have as a friend due to his industry experience. I told him straight off he was too qualified, would be bored and the opportunity would bore him. He was very persuasive and had sound reasons why this would suit his current life. We agreed to meet for a coffee to discuss.

Now the problem. We hit it off big style and afterwards I realised I kept thinking about him, his voice, his physique, his smile, things we talked about, a few jokes we shared. In short, I fancied him absolutely rotten which is a first for me. He is also married.

I know people will say so what, people get crushes, you have only met him once, he's probably used to women fancying him if he's that hot. That part might be all true but everytime I imagine my husband seeing inside my head (he's amazing) I feel so guilty. He came to say hello and I noticed him give me a searching look. I'm guessing he spotted the telltale signs of me being gooey eyed.

Am I being ridiculous to not hire this man? I won't even see that much of him.

Yabu - get a grip woman, this is nothing and you'll cringe when you look back
Yanbu - it's probably nothing but why take the risk? Find someone else

I think you're right to hire him and keep your distance. You said upthread you wouldn't even see him much if you gave him the job, so why not. If you worked closely together day to day that would be different, but you're not so it's fine. The crush will probably wane as time passes and you get to know him better anyway. Familiarity breeds contempt and all that 😁 Oh and stop feeling guilty!! Everyone gets crushes, you're not horrible or bad, it doesn't mean you don't love your DH. A fleeting stupid trick of the hormones is nothing, is meaningless, compared to the true deep love you have, and the life you've built, with your husband. Don't over worry about it. Laugh at it

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this lovely post.

I must admit the numerous attacks about being immature, unprofessional or unable to control myself are stinging a tiny bit.

Shut up 🤣🤣🤣 it's posts like yours why everyone thinks it's such a big deal when it isn't at all.

@Potentialfutureliverbird

No, it's not normal to fancy other people in a partnership- once that starts happening it might be time to evaluate and reconsider

A crush is one thing, but you honestly think that it's normal to never find someone attractive again once you're in a relationship? I think that is very, very unusual as a viewpoint.

Biologically we notice people are attractive. That doesn't mean we take any action, I certainly don't, but objectively 'fancying' someone (thinking someone is attractive) is absolutely normal and not a betrayal of monogamy unless acted on or progressed.

You've never looked at someone other than your partner (since getting together) and thought goodness, 'he / she is absolutely gorgeous' about someone else, then simply moved on with your life as it's a fleeting thought with no morality attached? If not, that's very unusual.

I'm going to hire him and keep my distance

Very sensible.

How is that even possible. It’s clearly a small business. He was clearly flattering you to get a job nd the attention has got you all “gooey eyed” . The question you need to ask is why are you so susceptible?

Don't hire him, this is one of those things that will plague you. It doesn't matter if it isn't reciprocated, this will eat away at your very healthy marriage

There are multiple locations so physically it's not hard at all. I'm not going to get friendly or personal. I take a different team member out for lunch every week to keep lines of communication open in an informal setting every couple of months. I won't go alone with him.

This temporary insanity has already faded away and I've no intention of giving it anymore oxygen. My DH is great. I love him, and appreciate him.

On another note how is it clear to you what he was doing based on the very limited information I provided? You're projecting and not painting a flattering picture of yourself I'm afraid.