To think more people WFH with DC than let on

[Thorts]

NC. Will preface this: I’m pregnant, and I’ve worked in the early years sector for lots of years. I cannot imagine working from home with a young child, even one who sleeps a lot, unless it is an absolute emergency and even then I can imagine work suffers or you end up making the hours back up late at night. Despite this I can totally understand why people do and would never judge anyone for it, you do what you have to do. The cost of childcare being the main reason and then the availability of it. Some providers didn’t have space until my DC would be nearly two and I was enquiring less than a week after finding out I was pregnant.

Reading some older threads on here, people seem to share my view or have stronger opinions about why it’s wrong to WFH with a young child.

However, my experience of what people do IRL (might just be among those I know) is vastly different. I know a handful of people in various professions who admit to either them WFH or their partner working from home with the child there, for at least one day a week, to help cut costs down. Even my DM who always worked a hybrid position used to work from home whilst me and my sister were very young and said she just managed it and enjoyed the flexibility!!!

AIBU to think it actually happens a LOT more in real life than people are happy to admit?

Probably. Everyone I know at work does it, myself included. Why would anyone pay for childcare if they didn't need to?

Fortunately I work in an industry where as long as the work is completed to a high standard, what you do at home is up to you.

I do this on a Friday, it was suggested by my boss. Our office is closed on a Friday now so I cancelled after school club. My youngest still goes Tues, Wed, Thurs. In the holidays, I take annual leave, use holiday club and work flexibly.

The ones that do take the mickey and do this are the ones causing employers to bring everyone back to the office.

what do you suggest parents who do t have access to childcare do?

I find it so depressing that so many people are forced to do this. You can’t care for a small child properly or do your job properly if you are trying to do them at the same time. However much you tell yourself. But how has society got to this where wages are so low that both parents have to work full time and childcare is so expensive.

Have a disabled child. Then childcare isn't a question of money. It simply doesn't exist esp for older children :(

I am lucky to have an accommodating boss who lets me wfh but what is the alternative?

As someone who tried to work with young kids in the house during lockdown, I cannot believe there are people who would choose to do this. It genuinely nearly killed me, the absolute stress and guilt of it.

Needs must I'm afraid. There is a shortage of good child care & what is available is expensive. We all have bills to pay too, something has to give.

So what’s the plan if your employer decides everyone is to come back to the office?

I may be wrong but from my experience, genuinely full time remote roles are becoming more and more unusual. Even in a hybrid role you might be expected in the office 3 days per week.

This is an interesting clip from Tomorrow's World in 1979: it was said a lot of us could be wfh by 1981, moving towards paperless. And the flexibility would help those of us with children. We've still got a long way to go

Who the fuck cares? Seriously.

I don't have small children but I have colleagues who do. I don't give any thought whatsoever with regards to where their kids are.

There is a certain kind of manager who concerns themselves with issues like this. They're usually ineffective, out of their depth, and female. They inevitably end up being exposed for hypocrisy at some point. I'm lucky that I've avoided them so far but I have recognised them everywhere I've worked.

I do have a dog who occasionally barks which no doubt horrifies some on this thread. Though I'm not sure what you would expect a dog to do.

I feel so sorry for the young children in these kinds of set ups. It's just be absolutely rubbish and incredibly boring to be expected to entertain yourself for large chunks of the day whilst the parent is completely distracted with work. These kids rarely go out during working hours and are stuck at home.

It's healthy for kids to feel bored.

I know a few. They do 2 jobs very well. I’m quite impressed tbh.
Obviously management don’t address it because there isn’t an issue.
Im not sure if I could do 2 jobs.

The only people I know who do this are women. Shockingly when men WFH they need childcare.

No one can work properly or parent properly when working from home and parenting. They'll be doing a shit job at both.

I WFH and the only time I ever do both is if it's a snow day at school or similar (and work know I have children with me).

I think this will come out in a few years time when young adults start talking about being ignored and not having their needs met in childhood because parents were WFH.

Yep I do. I'm a project manager and work from home with my 3 year old on a Friday. DH does as well and we muddle along, supporting each other when we have meetings etc. We've done this since I returned from mat leave two years ago.

I got a promotion a year ago and just got my first exceeded in my end of year review. So yeah, I can do both.

My son is taken swimming by DH in the morning and to the park/walk/out somewhere with me. Yes he also watches TV. But that is alongside us feeding him, doing puzzles, him playing with his toys.

Now we have our 30 hours we could put him in nursery for that day but we enjoy the day spent with him and both doing well at work..

Well my parents actually went out to work every day when I was a child. Often my father would work shifts so would sleep during the day and we'd have to be quiet.

I would spend the day with my grandparents, being dragged around Morrisons and the high street and to visit their friends and being sat bored in their very quiet house with no videos, no internet, no Sky TV and none of my toys etc.

Would I have rather been home with a garden and all of my belongings? Even if my parents were on front of a screen? Absolutely!

Do I think I had a bad childhood? Not at all! Being bored is normal for children and It's healthy for them to know their parents have to work and they can't always get what they want.

So I expect everything will be fine.

It's healthy for kids to occasionally feel bored but not to be essentially ignored for the majority of the working day. If a nanny or childminder did this then there would quite rightly be an uproar.

This is ridiculous! If you're spending your time taking him swimming, to the park, doing puzzles with your child etc then you aren't working. Something has to give! You seem adamant that it's not your child then it absolutely must be your work. It simply isn't possible to multitask in the way you imply. Nobody can be giving their all to their work at the same time as being a present parent for your child.

I know WFH at a computer-based job is a relatively new thing, but women have worked on stuff and cared for children at the same time throughout history. It's not a big deal. Also, unless the job is something life-saving, like medicine, or air traffic control, moralising "work performance" is just bootlicking. Your bosses certainly pay you the bare minimum they're able to get away with, so why not give them the bare minimum amount of work you can get away with? Frankly the whole concept of work ethic is a scam.

Also, children can and should be allowed to entertain themselves for large portions of time. When you're allowed space to get bored, it helps to develop personality and genuine interests. I don't understand the current trend of scheduling every second of children's lives, or overwhelming them with constant collective activities with other kids. No wonder they are always tired and upset and there are so many SEN diagnoses.

Well you say that but in the past 12 months I have been promoted and just got an exceeded on my end of year review.

So it seems my employer doesn't agree with you.

Perhaps you missed the part where my DH also works from home and we share the parenting.

I absolutely love people that dont understand that just because YOU couldnt do both, doesnt mean that others cant. As clearly I am...

Must be a pretty easy and non-demanding job though. But more power to your elbow if it works for you. I couldn’t do it, I spend most of my days in teams meetings or working to deadlines.

It really isn't. I am a project manager, delivering complex multimillion pound projects. I manage a team of five. I am part of management.

I do a lot of work on the other fours days, but I do write papers, run meetings on my days at home.

But like I keep saying, I share this with DH. If I have a particularly important meeting he will take DS upstairs to play. I do the same for him.

Some people are weirdly adament it doesnt work but sorry to disappoint it really does.