AIBU to ignore the "honeymoon registry"

[NotAHappyBunnyHugger]

School friend is getting married this autumn. We are now in our mid-20s.
My partner and I are invited to the evening do, which starts at half 5. On the invitation and wedding website, there is no mention of an evening meal, just cake and welcome drinks, then a cash bar.

In the envelope with the invitation, they have included a card asking people to contribute money towards their honeymoon rather than giving physical gifts. I resent this a bit, when I'm paying for transport, accommodation, and a new outfit to fit the wedding's "theme", and not even getting an evening meal when I'm there. It feels a bit cheap.

I had already bought the couple a gift (a household item, but a really nice version that's handmade in the city I live in), but now I don't even want to give them that! The whole thing reminds me of kids at school who'd invite the whole class to their birthday party to get more presents.

I haven't been to any weddings before. Is this just normal? My partner and I are getting married in a couple of months and we've been careful to only invite the number of people we can afford to host properly (i.e. with plenty of food and booze). We wouldn't dream of asking our friends to pay for our holiday!

YABU - honeymoon registries are normal and acceptable. Get with it

YANBU - asking for gifts is tacky. People should pay for their own holidays

All of those things are optional, and it's pretty standard to pay for your own drinks at a reception, a free bar is not expected. Seriously, if you don't want to pay for a drink then don't drink. You're there to celebrate the couple getting married, not have a free night out. And they are being fed.

It’s not. You don’t have to have a venue with a bar, there are plenty that don’t.

I bought champagne direct from the producer in France, which saved a lot of money, and paid a perfectly reasonable corkage. But that was only because I chose to get married in London. There are lists of places that don’t charge corkage. And if you hire a marquee or a barn you can do what you like.

OK well it was not possible at any of the extensive number of venues I looked at before eventually deciding not to get married in the UK. Everything turning into pumpkins at midnight due to licensing laws was off-putting as well.

It’s absolutely not standard in my world. I’ve never been to a wedding in the U.K. or anywhere where anyone was charged for anything. I know from MN it goes on in certain circles. But if you tried that in France, Italy, US or India people would think you’d lost the plot.

You're there to celebrate the couple getting married, not have a free night out.

This is very typical gaucherie. The couple have invited you to join them in celebrating their marriage. You do not charge your guests, who have come from far and wide to support you.

Yeah the licensing laws are a pia. It’s much easier to get married in France or Italy from that perspective.

It’s absolutely not standard in my world. I’ve never been to a wedding in the U.K. or anywhere where anyone was charged for anything.
I've been to about 20 weddings in the UK. Standard is drink or two on arrival, wine on the table, another glass of fizz for toasts then a cash bar.

God what is wrong with people?! It's so pathetic. Hope you are okay! It left me feeling a bit weird tbh but I'm over it now 😅

Then you must be fortunate enough to have wealthy friends 'in your world'. I've never been to a wedding in the UK where there was a free bar at the reception, in the real world your average middle class couple cannot afford that. Gaucherie? Jesus, what a snob you are! And this isn't France, Italy or the US, this is the UK and there is nothing gauche about not having a free bar at your wedding. Get real.

YANBU. People can be so grabby. We got married and invited everyone to both day and night. We also asked people to donate to a particular charity instead of gifts etc. but then we never did get to afford a honeymoon soooo more fool us!

You don’t need to have a bar at all that’s the point. Gauche means socially inept, awkward, lacking in social graces etc - that’s not particular to any class.

If you don't have a bar, where are people getting their drinks from?

Gauche means socially inept, awkward, lacking in social graces etc
And in the UK a paid bar, after the meal, is none of those things.

Lacking in social graces is precisely what it is.

Nope. You can not like it, you can try to avoid it by personal preference but it is entirely standard and socially acceptable.

?? You order wine, and whatever other beverages, either from the venue or provide it yourself and pay corkage.

Only in certain social circles, and within the U.K.

And I clearly said in the UK. And it's within all classes up to upper middle. Never been to a wedding that might feature anyone titled so can't speak to that but most people are upper class or pretending to be.

Yeah but when your guests want a drink after dinner, how are they actually physically getting a drink if there is no bar? Ignore the bit about who is paying for a second. How do they go from deciding they'd like a drink to actually having one in their hand if there is nowhere for them to go and order one?

It is a bit weird the first time it happens - you can't quite believe anyone babbling on Mumsnet about weddings or photography or whatever could possibly care that much - but I assure you it quickly wears off. Although I do wonder why I seem to attract so many of them. They're trying to be intimidating in that mediocre man sort of way. At least that one's stopped giving thanks to my posts now.

The only annoying thing for me is that I'd been planning a name change (got a good new one) and now I feel a need to put it off because I don't want him to think I'm doing it because of his terrifying ability to cut and paste my username into a search bar and fail to understand what comes up.

You just carry on providing wines and other beverages, you can provide after dinner liqueurs if it’s in the evening but there’s no obligation to provide spirits.

I'm not talking about the type of drinks being provided, I'm asking about how they are being served.

Are you suggesting just putting bottles out on a table and letting people help themselves?

So it's either provide drinks for everyone or let them get thirsty? Do you realise how ridiculous you're being? I know what gauche means, your 'world' does not reflect reality therefore, you're not competent to decide what is gauche or not.