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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Broken beyond belief

816 replies

StuckHurtDone · 28/03/2024 17:52

fully expecting lots of LTB here, but I just want an outsiders view.

He is notoriously bad at communicating, he buries his head in the sand. And mostly if he doesn’t want to talk about it we don’t.

He is self employed- I pay all
bills. His money is then used as ‘play money’. However he very rarely contributes anything. His money is spent on his fuel and him going to see friends (pub). If I ask for money he would give me some, but im not the type to do this. I expect a team effort. I never buy anything for myself.

the last month or so, his mum was taken to hospital , and came home the other say (she has a catalogue of health issues). Him and his 2 brothers aren’t exactly helpful with her. (Father died a while back).

he hasn’t worked since his mum went to hospital, nor has he visited her much (not enough to justify not working). He was meant to be decorating the spare room in her house while she was in hospital. Instead he used her house as a doss house for him and his friends to get drunk in - whilst leaving me at home wondering if he’s ever coming home. Lots of rows about how he’s not even considering my feelings- he’s sorry won’t happen again. things ok for a few days, then happens again.

now his mum is home- he is now the ‘concerned son’. Mum needs me etc- without actually doing anything for her.

last weekend Saturday, he was at work and said he will be home soon (this was 4ish) and we would then go get food (from a place we wanted to try). He turned up at 9.30. I was peeved. He was drunk. I didn’t talk to him (I know not to argue when he’s had a drink as don’t achieve anything). Still had a row, because I’m a miserable cow- he tried to leave- so I took his car keys off him. He was drunk and would have killed someone. He then spat at me twice. He stormed out, whilst I’m crying and I assume went to pub. He came home at 1am. I pretended to be asleep. He got up Sunday and went to work. Didn’t hear from him. He came home Sunday hardly spoke. Went to work monday didn’t speak. Came home we had a chat- kind of thought we were making progress.

tuesday, he’s at work- calls me says he won’t be late back and he will get food from the place we wanted to try. 6.30- I’ll be an hour. 9.30 home and leaves the take out bag in front of me- apparently I’m a miserable cow and ungrateful. He left and went to his mums- she doesn’t need him turning up drunk!
he hasn’t been home since.

im in the wrong. He’s stressed - (from my point of view I’d be stressed if my mum was as poorly as her but he’s not exactly the doting son) I’m pushing him to do stuff - the only thing I’ve asked for is for him to be home at a reasonable time and spend time with me. But that’s wrong.

I haven’t slept for days. I’ve got the worst headache and I’m numb. I haven’t done anything wrong- or have I?

OP posts:
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ThreeLocusts · 20/04/2024 22:45

OP I hear you. I lived with an alcoholic for a few years, and when things were good they were really good. I knew it would have to end though as it was very clear drink mattered more than me.

But the breakup still felt terrible. Absolutely awful.
The good news: it passed. You WILL feel better. Hang in thereFlowers

BigtubOLard · 25/04/2024 08:40

@StuckHurtDone Wanted to reach out and see how you are doing. No need to reply if you are not feeling up to it - self care is incredibly important after the trauma you've been through. Remember, you are important and you have value 🌼🌺 (HUGS)

StuckHurtDone · 06/05/2024 14:49

Hi all.
thought you’d appreciate an update….

still feeling crap and low, but am back to work tomorrow. Tablets are helping I think, and am starting CBT in the next couple of weeks.

in regards to him, he’s tried to come back. But all empty promises. He (changed his number as I cancelled the contract) told me he loved me…. And then went to the pub for a week 🤣

all of his stuff has gone. Not a single thing in this house of his now which helps.

the police informed me that he has a long history of DV/DA through Claire’s law. Little bit too late, but I got the information I needed/already knew.

so I guess I move on slowly. At least I’ve stopped crying 🤦🏻‍♀️

I would like to thank all of you for your help, I wouldn’t of got this far without you

OP posts:
wellthisislovely · 06/05/2024 15:03

One day at a time. If you ever waiver then just think about the Claire's Law reveal and count yourself lucky that you got out when you did.

Good luck

LAMPS1 · 06/05/2024 15:08

Well done OP.
You were close to the edge but you soldiered on and came though.
keep going …good luck !

Noseybookworm · 06/05/2024 15:32

StuckHurtDone · 06/05/2024 14:49

Hi all.
thought you’d appreciate an update….

still feeling crap and low, but am back to work tomorrow. Tablets are helping I think, and am starting CBT in the next couple of weeks.

in regards to him, he’s tried to come back. But all empty promises. He (changed his number as I cancelled the contract) told me he loved me…. And then went to the pub for a week 🤣

all of his stuff has gone. Not a single thing in this house of his now which helps.

the police informed me that he has a long history of DV/DA through Claire’s law. Little bit too late, but I got the information I needed/already knew.

so I guess I move on slowly. At least I’ve stopped crying 🤦🏻‍♀️

I would like to thank all of you for your help, I wouldn’t of got this far without you

You're doing so well! Keep going, a day at a time, it will get easier. Given his history, I'd say you've had a very lucky escape 💐

Causewerethespecialtwo · 06/05/2024 15:49

It’s lovely to hear an update from you. I’m really glad to hear that you are going back to work and it sounds like you are making great steps to look after yourself. I’m really in awe of you and your strength. I know you don’t feel it now, but one day you will look back on this time and think wow I was such a boss bitch getting rid of him and moving on to a better life. Have you thought about doing the Freedom Programme? I think it would be really beneficial to you x

AnneKipankitoo · 06/05/2024 15:50

Well done. Awesome.

StuckHurtDone · 06/05/2024 15:55

Causewerethespecialtwo · 06/05/2024 15:49

It’s lovely to hear an update from you. I’m really glad to hear that you are going back to work and it sounds like you are making great steps to look after yourself. I’m really in awe of you and your strength. I know you don’t feel it now, but one day you will look back on this time and think wow I was such a boss bitch getting rid of him and moving on to a better life. Have you thought about doing the Freedom Programme? I think it would be really beneficial to you x

I bloody hope so!! I just have to remind myself daily I’m not a bad person!
Im going to book a holiday for next year (so I have a year to pay for it 🤣)
I did look at the freedom programme but you have to pay for it, and csnt justify that yet.

there were some books mentioned, but csnt for the life of me remember what they were! I will scroll through and try find them, but will get one of those when I get paid!

some normality is what I need for sure.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 06/05/2024 16:02

You're an inspiration!
Well done, and thank you for posting an update.
I'm not surprised he has a long history of DV.

I'm glad you now see him for what he is.

PaminaMozart · 06/05/2024 16:31

Well done you! In the end you were stronger than you’d ever thought.

as for the books - I cannot remember specifically, but I’d suggest the following:

  • Why Does He Do that by Lundy Bancroft; Ava’s a free pdf online.
  • Women Who love Too Much - you can probably find it very cheap on WOB
Onwards and upwards 😀
Pinkpinkplonk · 06/05/2024 16:46

@StuckHurtDone The freedom program is free, please check.( Ive sent you a link above)
Im in tears reading your thread. You are so strong.

StuckHurtDone · 06/05/2024 16:59

Pinkpinkplonk · 06/05/2024 16:46

@StuckHurtDone The freedom program is free, please check.( Ive sent you a link above)
Im in tears reading your thread. You are so strong.

Edited

I’m really not, I’m still a broken mess. But I’m getting there.

everytime I go on it, it says its £14? Which in the grand scheme of things isn’t anything BUT I’ve just had to buy a new car as he screwed me over with mine (I had to get it scrapped and he stole the keys from me!!)

im still angry at myself for allowing to fall into this trap, but everyday is a school day I guess.
once I’ve been paid I’m going to treat myself to a hair salon appt - I haven’t been allowed to dye my hair since we’ve been together so my grey is horrific!!

OP posts:
DriftingDora · 06/05/2024 17:04

Good for you! Keep going onwards and upwards!🌻

FluffyCatsTail · 06/05/2024 18:48

A very positive update, well done. Of course he tried to come back, reading your thread you should be celebrating jnstead of crying but i know how we get attached and build a future in our heads when we are with someone. That future would have been a nightmare for you but now it won’t.

Not surprised about the dv/da either, normal ppl don’t come round and threaten others with angle grinders unless that is an entrenched modus operandi for them. Let them sink and rot in a pub, you are out of it and can lead a normal happy life. You’ll thank yourself once all the emotions subside.

Causewerethespecialtwo · 06/05/2024 19:39

Yes save up and treat yourself to that hair appointment. You will feel amazing and empowered after. And where are you hoping to book a holiday to? So exciting to have nice things for yourself to look forward to 😊

StuckHurtDone · 06/05/2024 19:50

I hope this is the start of new beginnings. I don’t particularly want to start again, but here we are. I am going to enhance my grey and hopefully make it look great… rather than dull as dishwater which is the look I’m rocking now!!

I have found a great holiday in Morocco! Reasonably priced for a week.

I hope this is the end now. And once I’m back at work I’ll fall back into a routine and manage to stay on top of things

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 06/05/2024 19:51

How wonderful that you'll be able to get your hair done how you want!

eggplant16 · 06/05/2024 20:26

So lovely to hear from you.

Iamnotalemming · 07/05/2024 09:02

So good to see your updates, you should be proud of yourself Flowers👏

Causewerethespecialtwo · 07/05/2024 11:50

Book that holiday to Morocco @StuckHurtDone that sounds amazing, you 100% deserve it.

And start thinking of a new user name. You are no longer stuck! Maybe hurt for a while. And I hope you are definitely done! You need a new empowering username like bossbitchnolongerstuck!

Ohffsbarbara · 07/05/2024 14:59

I haven’t been allowed to dye my hair since we’ve been together so my grey is horrific!!

Wow - he really was a grade A bastard wasn’t he?

Op - please get therapy or at least do the freedom programme to help you understand why you’ve allowed this. Never ever let a man dictate what you can and can’t do again. And make sure you stay single for a good while whilst you get your head around the abusive relationship you’ve finally managed to break free from.

Onwards and upwards!

AcrossthePond55 · 07/05/2024 16:25

@StuckHurtDone

You're doing great!! And there's nothing wrong with new beginnings. People begin again for many reasons. It's a chance to become the best you that you can be. Remember that all beautiful blooms start by growing in the dirt.

StuckHurtDone · 07/05/2024 19:54

Work went really well. Lots of anxiety driving in. And thought gosh it’s so much easier to just get signed off again and carry on as I was.
but this is my livelihood, a job a love with people I love and I’m so glad I fought through the anxiety.

only HR know the full extent, but they’ve all been fab and told me how much they’ve missed me.

on a brighter note my new (old) car is lovely, and a pleasure to drive. And my new (new new!) washing machine was delivered! It even sings a little tune to me when I turn it on and off. This will no doubt really fuck me off in about a week but for now it makes me smile.

i am going to find a decent hairdresser this week and book a day off work to get it done at the end of the month! Something to look forward to!

thank you, again. All of you. Your kindness sits deep within me…. MN can be a vile place sometimes but you’ve all gone above and beyond!!

OP posts: