We're not allowed to mind about anything, are we?

[peakyblenders]

At least not in the minds of some MNers lately.

I know some posters have always accused others of 'drama' or 'making a song and dance' whenever they've dared to mind about something, but am I alone in thinking there's been an especially bumper crop of this lately?

To avoid TAAT-ing I'm going to make this fairly general, but as far as I've spotted around MN this last few weeks women are not allowed to:

• want special days marked/celebrated;
• vent about a frustrating relative;
• gently encourage our kids out of unhelpful behaviours;
• get upset if our friends treat us like shit;
• mind if our male partners stuff act thoughtlessly ('at least he made an effort OP!')
• call anyone out on behaving like an arse;
• cry about ANYTHING unless it's something like a bereavement;
• expect people to do the things they've said they'll do/mind if they don't do them.

Basically, we're not allowed to mind about anything are we? We've got to be 100% low-maintenance all the way or else we're drama llamas. Or maybe it's our hormones! A novel thought indeed.

All I can say is, if those who are doing this consider themselves supportive of women in general, they've got a bloody funny way of showing it. Either that or they're just bored/in a bad mood and fancy a bit of a goad.

Wouldn't be remotely surprised if this attracted a ton of YABUs and 'why are you on here if it's so awful'? Don't care if that happens. I come here for the constructive stuff, and constant accusations of drama on the part of other women ain't it. Freedom of speech is so important and yes of course I can just scroll past stuff I don't agree with, but name-calling to me just feels like playground behaviour and tbh I don't get why so many people stoop to it.

Rant over.

This had me howling!

God what a boring boring post to make. We all have probs, points of contention etc.

And yet you took the time to not only unnecessarily quote the OP but also comment? What a boring boring comment to make 🙄

No, we are not allowed, OP.
We take bashing.
And?
💥🕳️🌚😁

At least some of those examples given are very oversimplified versions of the thread.

Eg a recent thread about celebrating occasions had a lot of people, honestly most people, saying it's totally normal to celebrate occasions, and a range of views about how sacred the exact birthday date needs to be. Obviously that will range from the:

• why does anyone do anything for birthdays. It's so childish (minority)
• celebrating birthdays is normal and cards/presents should be on the day, but it's not the end of the world if something nice is booked close by, but not the exact date (most people)
• it's my birthday and it must be kept special and I want to be showered with love and affection and treats. If it isn't my exact day I feel less special and less loved (minority)

This is an excellent post op

Wanting special days marked/celebrated is one thing. Whining because the treasure chest they got had the wrong type of diamonds is another thing. It’s the poor me, petty posts about silly, irrelevant things while ignoring all the good things that I find annoying.

You can do whatever you want.

You can bitch and whine AT LENGTH on Mumsnet and lots of people will agree with you.

Some won't.

But not agreeing with you isn't the same as not 'allowing' you to express an opinion.

'My MIL kicked her way into the house while I was at work, burnt all my clothes and replaced them with clown outfits, swapped my children for next-door's, carpeted my bathroom ceiling and castrated my dog.'

'Ooh, you should be grateful, I wish my MIL would come and tidy up!'

I agree, OP. Women are being called uptight for simply wanting people to use their name instead of an abbreviation some random had decided on.

This. I can’t really remember the exact details now, but I was gobsmacked at a post not long ago where the op was devastated about a new partner not buying her a birthday card or something, and whether or not she should just fuck him off now. Turns out they’d only been together for 2 minutes and he’d actually taken her on holiday, bought her lovely presents and paid for them to eat at nice restaurants for the whole trip. ‘But he didn’t get me a caaarrrddddd’!!!!! 😂😂😂😂 And a Mother’s Day one where the op burst into tears over the card her husband had specially made with a photo of her and their new baby. She didn’t like the photo and was ready to leave him as he got a personalised card instead of writing her a verse. Some people are just fucking mental

There is 'I am annoyed, have a bit of grumble and move on' and there is 'how can I possibly squeeze every single bit of drama out of this then post because I need others to add to my drama and agree with me'

You don’t have a MIL problem; you have a DH problem. If he’s not prepared to stand up to his own mother, you need to send him back to her house.

I think that's fine, unless I'm held up for 20 minutes paying the bill because you're sure you're 1p off and you're trying to work out who of the other 7 have missed their 1p.

And yes, I was in this situation in my late 20's where the others were a doctor, pilot, IT specialists, an accountant etc and I was unemployed - had just quit my job lol. I put down some extra to cover everyone and the tip and begged 'can we go home now?' 🤣

@peakyblenders I think sometimes a lack of reading the thread properly doesn't help. Or posters even making 'facts' up out of thin air e.g 'DH and I had a disagreement over whether to get a cat' = 'he screamed at you, ltb'

I admit I do feel a bit… triggered by posts where people are extremely upset about insufficiently thoughtful / insightful / lavish gift-giving, having grown up with family members for whom nothing is ever good enough, and nothing is ever right, and who make every holiday a total nightmare of tears and conflict and passive aggression. That’s my stuff though.

I’m totally cool with people minding if their friends and relatives are actually thoughtless.

True, but I think one person's perception of drama is often another person's perception of simply asserting oneself/expecting decent treatment from others...

But not agreeing with you isn't the same as not 'allowing' you to express an opinion.

Not agreeing is one thing - name-calling and personal attacks of the kind that are often seen on AIBU, though, often come off like shaming other posters simply for feeling the way they do, to me at any rate.

See also: My husbands 25 year old work colleague is sending him texts at 2 in the morning and has invited him away for a long weekend.

’Isn’t he allowed friends?!!! Don’t be so uptight it’s perfectly normal, and only for a few nights!
You sad, paranoid, housewife loser”.

Maybe with an ultra patronising: “I couldn’t get worked up about this” thrown in for good measure.

People who dare to wish they saw/spoke to their friends more often are deemed needy/clingy and told that they shouldn't expect anything more than a text once every 3 years, expecting an acknowledgement of your birthday or any milestone is asking way too much.

That ''I couldn't get worked up about this' that they always use drives me nuts 😂 patronising to a T.

I totally agree.
I've noticed most posts I post the last year or so I've had posters literally jump on me and are so so rude and just nasty. There's just no need for it. They rip posts apart like you're in a court room .

Back in the day you could have lighthearted posts on here but I feel like everyone's so judgemental and there's no fun anymore coz someone has to come along and criticise.

I wouldn't like to have to live or work with some of these people in real life coz they would damage my mental health how abrupt and rude they are. There's just no need to be so vile and unsupportive.

😂this sums it up!

Yes, I agree OP. It's always "be kind"- even if someone is repeatedly punching you in the face you have to "be kind" and make your face available to them whenever they need it to help them with their anger. Be kind- they might have dementia, MH issues, ADHD, insert some other medical condition here.

Its never that they could just be an abusive arsehole.