We're not allowed to mind about anything, are we?

[peakyblenders]

At least not in the minds of some MNers lately.

I know some posters have always accused others of 'drama' or 'making a song and dance' whenever they've dared to mind about something, but am I alone in thinking there's been an especially bumper crop of this lately?

To avoid TAAT-ing I'm going to make this fairly general, but as far as I've spotted around MN this last few weeks women are not allowed to:

• want special days marked/celebrated;
• vent about a frustrating relative;
• gently encourage our kids out of unhelpful behaviours;
• get upset if our friends treat us like shit;
• mind if our male partners stuff act thoughtlessly ('at least he made an effort OP!')
• call anyone out on behaving like an arse;
• cry about ANYTHING unless it's something like a bereavement;
• expect people to do the things they've said they'll do/mind if they don't do them.

Basically, we're not allowed to mind about anything are we? We've got to be 100% low-maintenance all the way or else we're drama llamas. Or maybe it's our hormones! A novel thought indeed.

All I can say is, if those who are doing this consider themselves supportive of women in general, they've got a bloody funny way of showing it. Either that or they're just bored/in a bad mood and fancy a bit of a goad.

Wouldn't be remotely surprised if this attracted a ton of YABUs and 'why are you on here if it's so awful'? Don't care if that happens. I come here for the constructive stuff, and constant accusations of drama on the part of other women ain't it. Freedom of speech is so important and yes of course I can just scroll past stuff I don't agree with, but name-calling to me just feels like playground behaviour and tbh I don't get why so many people stoop to it.

Rant over.

Some people's standards are in the toilet and they want everyone's to be so they don't feel like mugs.

However, we are all twats about something so unless certain posters and we all know who they are they are twats about everything, just chalk it up to everyone being different.

The sniping and the smugness is awful. I saw a thread yesterday where someone asked about the best way to deal with a financial imbalance between partners. The poor woman was scrutinised for her spending, her friendship circle and, of course, her partner’s spending. It was awful.

And it'll be all the OP thinks about, while positive posts fly over her frazzled head.

This is really important @AutumnCrow and bears repeating. I pointed this out to an OP yesterday. Listen to the nice stuff and don't just hyperfocus a the bad stuff.

I think I get a bit unpleasant about people complaining the celebratory stuff because I've never gotten a celebration myself, so jealousy I guess.

"It's the wrong type of cruise" or "we agreed not to celebrate Valentine's day and then we didn't so secretly I'm upset".

I can't judge people for crying though, I had a good cry today. Baby is due in a few weeks and I'm exhausted.

crying with laughter at the wording, but it's true. From the same school of thought where saying 'no offence, but...' before saying something that is clearly offensive!

It's a bit like the equivalent of standing in the queue at the bus stop though isn't it? People can say anything. I don't post if I'm feeling brittle. (Today has been a good day!)

Oh yeah I saw one about mortgages verse house size a while back, and the first reply was "massive house, no mortgage".

I can't quite remember the question / purpose of the thread but it was only relevent IF you had a mortgage

It can be an absolute cess pit. I have been here on and off for about 19 years now, since I found I was unexpectedly expecting my first child.

It has got so much more judgemental. Sneering holier than thou attitudes towards anyone who doesn't follow the party line on any given topic. Belittling others for their choices, rather than any curiosity or desire to understand why that person might have made a different decision, or have a alternative view to them.

I often wonder why I don't leave permanently. Can't answer that one myself yet.

Honestly I'll admit I've deleted my account on here several times in the past because of how people have spoken to me.
It's a shame as there are many fantastic people on here. I used to take the vicious comments personally, however I think many of them are trolls, half of them probably aren't even women to be fair. They do it on purpose because they want to bring others down.

It's considered needy on here if you expect a friend to so much as breathe in your direction more than once a year.
Some posters will have you believe they got married in a bin bag with a pigeon off the street as their witness and it was the happiest day of their life, only attention-seekers would want anything more.

I've just had someone stalk a previous thread I made and call me out because I generally don't drink but got drunk as a one off occasion. 🙄

I thing you are right. I also think that some of these are misogynistic men.
They deny it of course and have a bio that includes them having some disability and a child(or2) with SEN and being a single parent.

Think!

That’s the kind of unhelpful comment that really annoys me. People come here because they need support but others come here because they want to be rude.

How dare you be upset about this! Do you have nothing else to worry about? There's war/famine/I'll change my argument to whatever you aren't currently posting about as I see fit. 😒

It's ridiculous and honestly why are any of them here if they don't want to read anything but arguments about world affairs?

Yes! Or “I wish my mum/dad/distant cousin’s budgie was still here, I can’t believe you dare to question the obligation to provide full time care whilst caring for 25 children as you’re so lucky still to to have yours”

Oh I've forgotten my other "favourite" - when someone posts about clearly quite serious issues with say their mother -they might be low contact or considering it, or whatever and there's an influx of posters saying "you're lucky your mum is still alive" "I would give anything to give my mum one last hug" "you sound so selfish, whats a four hour drive, you'll regret not spending this time with her when she dies etc"
no thought at all that not everyone is lucky enough to have lovely wonderful mutually beneficial relationships with their family and sometimes the poor old parent DESERVES to be alone over christmas/Easter and is just reaping what they sowed.

Just a complete inability to look outside their own perspective and life experiences.

Edited because cross post with the above!

Oooh yes! And then the snarky "could you imagine a MAN having this conversation". Like, I don't care if a man would care about my handbag, let me like what I like!

I don’t believe this to be true at all.

MN is generally extremely supportive of women, especially on the relationships board - AIBU not so much but you are basically asking for judgment if you post on there (and for that reason I never do)

Therecwill always be a few nasty types who get off on saying things they would never vocalise in real
life - but that’s because misery likes company.

The women on MN have helped me and given great advice many times when I’ve had no one else to talk to.

Yup, there are some very odd people on here. I have stopped looking at anything to do with SEND even though I'm actually a professional in the area and thought I could help. After just one post I excited such hatred that I never did that again.

There was a lighthearted moaning thread recently about the rain. Sort of "bloody sick of this constant rain" type of a thread.

There was one poster saying "be grateful you don't live in Australia with the bush fires burning your house down" 😂 made me laugh out loud.

There's always someone.

I have been on mumsnet a long time and there have always been plenty of people who seem to want to post just to be nasty. I honestly haven't noticed any increase in that. I still think the nasty posters tend to be outnumbered by the people being supportive, or at least giving an honest opinion even if it is not one the OP wants to hear.

I find it astonishing at times op being advised to put up with certain situations to keep the peace (particularly family gatherings ) when it's the op that's going to be the blue arsed fly.

The regular one that annoys me is the "I got a lovely box of chocolates for my birthday and my dp/adult ds ate them all-I'm really upset" "Why? We share everything in this house- it's weird of you to hoard it!"

Agreed. I started a completely innocuous (or so I thought) thread about drinking water and got a couple of people saying I was in a lather/unable to think critically about information sources as I believed such ridiculous advice (for explaining that I'd heard the advice re sipping as a general thing for years, and that I didn't believe it). Just left the thread in the end, what's the point? Some posters could start an argument in an empty room.

What really gets me at the moment is that if someone talking about their situation posts a long OP, they get loads of comments on how long and confusing it is and can't they pick out the important bits, etc. However, if they post a short version, then two things happen: someone will fill in the blanks and make something up which they will keep repeating and haranguing the OP about, flatly not believing them if they correct it (even better when other posters start thinking that the thing is true), and the other thing is that any details the OP goes on to be provide will be considered drip-feeding and/or lies because the "thread's not going her way" (i.e. has been pounced upon and torn apart).

OPs are also not allowed to show irritation at the relentless picking, suppositions and accusations, or we get the "You sound nasty OP."

I mainly stick to Style & Beauty these days. There's a fair bit of controversy there, but not the third-degree that posters get on AIBU.

"I gave birth to twelve pound triplets outside in a rainstorm during an earthquake, and each of my legs was on either side of the earthquake fault line, and it wasn't too bad and I just got on with it. Can't see why people moan about childbirth pain."

Oh god, yes. 'Why do you mind that your DH ate the present he gave to you? If you like truffles that much increase your hours and buy your own. Stop scrounging off your husband and stand on your own two feet, you fucking hideous parasite.'