To get my DH a separate laundry basket

[Barcelonita]

DH is not great around the house and will never put on a wash and always has to be asked to ‘put clothes on the line’ ‘take clothes on’ , ‘put in dryer’ etc etc and it’s wearing.

The other day he, yet again, put drying on the wrong setting so it wouldn’t dry and when he checked and said it was still wet, I said I’d show him the proper setting. He then got all annoyed at my ‘tone’ . He basically hates being told
what to do but seen as he hates that and also won’t show any initiative was I unreasonable to buy a new basket and tell him to do his own? I mean I’d rather we could manage things together but that doesn’t seem to be happening.

Before anyone asks he doesn’t do much around the house.

I'm similar to your husband. I don't have adhd but I find it weirdly satisfying to wait till I'm our of clothes and having proper full loads.

We have separate baskets and when dc were living at hime they did too. However, I organise all the washing and drying and always have. I prefer it that way.
DH has his own responsibilities; bins daily and weekly, dishwasher, anything requiring maintenance, lawns and all aspects of cars including fuelling, insurance, cleaning etc. system works well for us.

After 20 years I'd be getting him a roll of bin bags to pack his stuff into!

@Fookintired

He even started expecting shirt ironing and would get all shitty in a morning after waking late. Now he has to come and ask me nicely crawl when he wants one doing. I don't mind but I'm not setting up that dynamic where he gets waited on like his dad did.
Edit: he can iron a shirt it just takes half an hour with lots of swearing.

Then he obviously needs the practice and should iron his own shirts more.

I remember in my teens, still living at home, having to do most of the family's ironing as one of my chores (large family) and my brothers complaining I'd not ironed their clothes the way they liked it. So I just stopped and told them to do it themselves- and they had to. Much easier for me. 🌹

Me and DH have separate laundry baskets and do our washings separately. I keep on top of my washing, and always have clean clothes put away but he has a panic every 2/3 weeks that none of his clothes are clean and he has to do 4/5 loads in a day.

If only I could separate other things like the dishes and the bins!

Is he employed? If yes, there's zero reason why he can't learn to push a few buttons. How does he drive a car or use a computer if he can't learn a basic washing machine use?
If he's not employed, then he absolutely must step up at home and do the lion's share.
Tbh I'm always baffled why women stay married to guys like these. What does he offer, how does he make your life better, lighter, more loving? My ex was like your partner and it lead to a divorce 13 years ago. Since, I found my soulmate and we've never had the same stupid domestic issues because he takes care of the housework just as I do. It's his house 50-50 after all.

The 20 year mark seems to be peak man child shit for many women. I also know this from personal experience.

I actually enjoy doing laundry (I can't help it, I find it very satisfying as far as domestic drudgery goes) and I'm also very careful (fussy) with it so very little gets ruined/shrunk etc

But there are other jobs I don't like that my DH does (balance probably in my favour) so it all works out in the end

I absolutely do

Which is why I do all the washing!

You definitely need separate laundry baskets.

We stopped using laundry baskets years ago. We only use the washing machine to store clothes until they are washed. We do a wash about 4/5 days a week. If DC don't bring their clothes down, they don't get washed.

We also stopped ironing. Dirty clothes are loosely folded and put into the machine. It is never overfilled and put on frequently. Clean washing is hung on racks, hangers or ideally the line asap.i used to do laundry, DH does it now because he works fewer hours.

We also used to wash clothes after 12 hours. I tend to hang outfits in the wardrobe and wear them again. Drastically reduces the amount of washing and drying. We all shower once or twice a day and clothes don't really get dirty.

I feel the same. It would take me ages to accumulate a white or pale wash of my own but I'd run out of sports socks! Dd would have the same issue with dark colours, it's easier (for us) to do it communally.
(I only separate light and dark - and an occasional wash for things that can't be washed at 40°)
I don't mind doing the washing. I do mind that other people leave dirty clothes on the floor, socks under sofa cushions etc. I'm not hunting out dirty clothes - if they're in the basket I'll put them in the machine!

I was just thinking either I’m a sweaty mare or that’s a long time to go between washing them. I wash my silk dresses every time.

We divide chores. I do washing and "wet" work, he does hoovering which I hate, sweeping and food shopping. But does know how to use the machines! We have always divided it evenly.

Washing too often is bad for the environment, the clothes, and finances. The only things I wash after one wear are pants. I’m not particularly sweaty and I also hate the smell of artificial laundry scents, so my tolerance is probably higher than most. I also live rurally so I’m not going to be crammed in a tube. Maybe I just stink and no one’s mentioned it, or having grown up on a farm I’m just used to it, as is everyone around me. Either way, I’m happy with my one load of washing per week!

https://www.vogue.co.uk/article/how-often-should-you-wash-clothes

I also only do one load a week. Clothes I wear to work (blouses and dresses) are washed every time with the exception of trousers which I’ll wear two or three times. Clothes I wear around the house are worn twice except jeans which are every few weeks as I hate washing them. Pants/socks are washed every time, bras are every other week because they’re a pain to do but I do alternate wearing them. I’ve just got a thing about anything that is near my armpits never gets worn twice out of the house.

Edit: I’ve just read the article and I seem to be washing all my things in line with everything she suggested so thanks for that, it’s nice to know I’m doing something right!

Do it asap! My Husband and I wash and hang out our own clothes. I’m never going to do his. He doesn’t do enough around the house but we’re nearly there.

I’ve started to teach my 4 year old to do his washing and I’ve told him he has to do it on his own when he’s 5. (Supervised and helped where needed). Adult men should not be mothered or enabled and my son will grow up independent doing his fair share of the chores.

Just let him have no clean clothes, eventually he’ll have to do his washing.

I wouldn’t get him to do his own I’d get him to do yours as well while he’s at it.

Wow. This has opened my eyes thankyou 👍

We have five children and I confess I do all the washing, but only because it’s so much to hang up and I don’t want it all over the house, plus it saves on electricity just to do one or two loads a day.

But my hubby and children are amazing at doing jobs for me - I just write lists and leave them on the fridge and they work through them, like moving all the furniture and hoovering behind, cleaning the cars, mowing the lawns, weeding etc. I don’t cook either.

The kids also walk my dogs and hoover for me, it can’t all be left to one person.

I just chuck everything in together, whites, coloureds, I certainly don't bother separating stuff out. Towels and tea-towels are done separately, as is bed linen. He does the same with his own laundry, just throws everything in the machine. I've been married 28 years and we decided to do our own laundry many, many years ago.

I’m absolutely baffled thinking how couples manage to live an entire lifetime, manage their household, finances, their wholes lives including raising children together, but being unable to agree on something as silly and simple as laundry. Sounds very stressful, I think I’d rather be alone