To get my DH a separate laundry basket

[Barcelonita]

DH is not great around the house and will never put on a wash and always has to be asked to ‘put clothes on the line’ ‘take clothes on’ , ‘put in dryer’ etc etc and it’s wearing.

The other day he, yet again, put drying on the wrong setting so it wouldn’t dry and when he checked and said it was still wet, I said I’d show him the proper setting. He then got all annoyed at my ‘tone’ . He basically hates being told
what to do but seen as he hates that and also won’t show any initiative was I unreasonable to buy a new basket and tell him to do his own? I mean I’d rather we could manage things together but that doesn’t seem to be happening.

Before anyone asks he doesn’t do much around the house.

Always amazes me that adults don’t do their own washing! Trained my sons they went to secondary school - easiest of chores!

Sometimes you have to accept that a person isn’t going to change and do what is necessary to stop you from being angry at them all the time. Sounds like separate laundry baskets will achieve that so go for it!

After reading some of these posts, I'm glad that I have a responsible mature man who puts all his washing in the laundry basket, and puts it away after it's washed.
Why are these so called men so sweaty and smelly? I guess they aren't so hot on showering regularly or actually using antipespirant deodrant, odor eaters etc.

I bought DP a separate basket for his sports kit and he washes that himself. I got fed up of it sitting with my clothes and making them all smelly!

Sounds like typical
bloke. My DH died the same and I’m sure is a bloke strategy to stop us from asking them to do stuff. If I were to do the same to him he’d blow his top off.

It’s not ‘expected’ in mine but if I’m doing a white wash, for example, then it makes no sense for me to put the washing machine on half empty or wait weeks for me to have enough whites to wash when he also has whites that need washing. We just pick what type of wash we are doing (whites, colours, delicates or anything goes) and wash everything of each others that needs washing and fits into that category.

Do it. Weaponised incompetence is what this is.

In your case OP I understand why you are doing this. We have a communal basket but the difference is whoever needs stuff or has time puts it on. It makes it easier to sort the washing by type if it’s all done together. However, this only works because housework is not one person’s job. I suspect these threads are never really about the washing but rather the role of default housekeeper.

No, it's not 'typical bloke'. My DP doesn't need to asked to do laundry, or anything else, because although he has a cock and balls he also has adult capability.

YANBU, OP. Isn't he embarrassed at being a grown man and not being able to do these basic things on his own initiative?

I bought my kids a separate one when they were teens and made them do their own. It worked really well and stopped me stressing about the clothes all over 1 particular bedroom!

Perfectly reasonable for an adult to be able to handle their own laundry.

He doesn't hate being told what to do, he hates that you're expecting him to do it in the first place because he believes it's your job.

Every member of my family has their own laundry basket - I encourage and help my teens with theirs and a happily pop DH’s washing on… but he has to bring it downstairs and ask/alert me nicely to the fact that he’s run out of undies (a glass of wine or a nice coffee also helps). I’ve no problem doing his washing - he does other stuff I hate in exchange, and often the machine is busy with another wash when he brings it down before going to work so is not a gendered thing - but I do ask for politeness/appreciation, just as I give to him when asking him to take the bins out [why is it always hissing down on a Thursday night??]

we moved to separate washing baskets years ago. Now when he leaves his clothes in the machine for two days so they stink to high heaven, it's his own problem.

Us too - the type of washing is different for each person so it makes it easier to sort (dh has a billion work shirts, so they are washed and dried on different setting) plus it makes it easier to sort the laundry at the end as my DH and DS have similar undies/socks but are completely different sizes (DS is 6f3 and built like a prop forward, Dh almost 5’10 and runners build 🤣). I simply have to fold/pair if their washing is done separately rather than work out whether its a size 9 or a size 13-14 sock!

This is a prime example of weaponised incompetence. Way past time this guy was given a reality check and if that means he runs out of socks and pants and has smelly clothes because he didn't empty the washing machine then that's what it means! Tell him what's going to happen and stick with it.

Separate laundry baskets here. A recent development. I think my resentment app has finally kicked in as I refuse to pick up or pick through his dirty laundry any longer.

I've been thinking the same. Bf does all our laundry and there are a few things I'd like to do differently. I don't like the dryer for some items and I prefere washing in colder temps and less detergent. He is more strict with colour separation.

I don't understand people that just do their partners washing too lol
We have our own washing baskets and do our own laundry. We pop on the kids washing and towel and bedding washes as needed

What a useless prick.

Mine couldn't even put his things in the damn basket. So I stopped doing only his laundry and left his little toddler clothes piles be. I remember him saying "I'm low on boxers" and looked across at me. I looked up from my crossword and said "that's a shame" and ignored him. His mum did everything for them and still does when they visit. It's unhealthy. He even started expecting shirt ironing and would get all shitty in a morning after waking late. Now he has to come and ask me nicely crawl when he wants one doing. I don't mind but I'm not setting up that dynamic where he gets waited on like his dad did.
Edit: he can iron a shirt it just takes half an hour with lots of swearing.

I did the same, but with DSS. I was fed up of him leaving his shit everywhere, and then picking it all up at once and piling it in/on top of the laundry basket, expecting me to drop everything and do it all. We got him a basket for his own room, told him how to use the washing machine, and it's now up to him. He was 18 when we did this, and if he'd put his dirty clothes in the basket at the end of each day instead of once a month in bulk, I'd have carried on doing them - so it was his own fault.

My OH doesn’t do any washing, he also hates it but I do ask him to do other things around the house which he doesn’t mind like hoovering or cutting the grass etc, are there other chores he doesn’t mind helping with if he won’t do washing?

Why does your OH get to state his preferences when it comes to housework?
Do you get to do the same? What if you both hate the same chore? Who gets to opt out?

He doesn’t get to opt out, Luckily we have reached a mutual understanding and run the house together. I don’t like cutting the grass and he doesn’t mind it, whereas he doesn’t like doing the washing but I don’t mind it so I do it. I don’t particularly like ironing but he doesn’t mind so he does it. We are not in competition with eachother over who does what and who gets to opt out we just work together to do what needs to be done and we will both do both if needed.

Fair enough.
Your original post referred to 'helping' by doing chores he doesn't mind. it just didn't sound very equal.