Not wanting my older children to constantly ask to hold the baby

[Hhaaaa]

I am prepared to be told IABU, I just need to know how to gauge the situation.

I had a baby on Friday and my 3 children are constantly asking to hold her, one more than the other two.

I'm breastfeeding her and its a case of feeding and then trying to get her to sleep in repetition. I'm currently very sleep deprived.

I will make an effort for them to hold her at least once a day, but it's like a timer of her being unsettled and wanting to feed again. Then the other child wanting to hold her, then the other child.

They are starting to say things like I've only held her once today, and that line is pissing me off. She is not a doll. I have to tell them to not touch her face and to be gentle.

I need to know if I'm being unreasonable and if I should just force myself to let them hold her more, but my instinct is wanting me to not let them hold her at all.

She is too young and doesn't do anything, she wants to feed and sleep and will have occasion waking periods of quietness but its not when they want to hold her.

Today, one of them got the chance to hold her, they come home from school around 4:30pm. But now after the feeding and crying, I just want her to settle. I cant be bothered to do the pass the parcel until she starts crying again and they look at me for help.

The oldest one, my 14 year old son is almost obsessed with holding her. He was going on about it before she was born and was constantly asking if he would be allowed to hold her. I would say of course but he would still be asking again. Today he didn't get to hold her and now he is sulking. He doesn't care that she is settled and it can take me literally hours to get her in that state again.

I want them to be included and to have a bond but I need to ride out these first few weeks or I'm going to lose my mind. I havent slept more than a few hours in days.

I have spoken to them saying that its not going to last forever, be patient. I've been telling them about how she is going to love them when she's bigger and run to them when they come home from school. But for now, be patient.

[vanillawaffle]

Keep reinforcing the message. You're doing great

[FrogsWormsandCaterpillars]

I genuinely can’t believe that a 14 year old needs to ask permission to hold his baby sister.
My then 10 year old held her baby sister more than I did I’m sure!

[IVFendomum]

I’d stand firm and just say no. Having a newborn is hard! You don’t need the baby being unsettled unnecessarily. They don’t have to hold it to bond.

[PlumbersWifey]

Nah yabu op here.

[AGodawfulsmallaffair]

I think it’s absolutely lovely a 14 yr old lad wants to look after his baby sister.

[BungleandGeorge]

I thought your other children were going to be toddlers. Surely a 14 year old can hold a newborn whilst they sleep? Newborns often sleep better on a person? Can’t you rest and let him care for the baby?

[Axx]

@PlumbersWifey

Nah yabu op here.

This! Let them hold her. She's their sister.

[Froggy99]

I can understand where you’re coming from but I can also understand the need your children feel to be included with their new sibling. Could they help you out when you’re doing things like changing babies nappy? That way they are being included but not disrupting any routine you have at the moment. You could also let them hold the baby while she is settled and asleep.

[Twilight7777]

I thought it was going to be a toddler, it’s lovely that a 14 year old is interested and wants to be involved

[boysmuminherts]

You say it's only for a few weeks but new baby and their siblings will get used to this being the way. I would really try to let them hold their sister if they want to..they may start to resent them otherwise.

[trippily]

Hes 14. Let him learn to settle her. You have a nap. You're being tetchy because you're hormonal, sorry.

[worp]

Do all the kids have the same father OP?

[TheHeadOfTheHouse]

@worp

Do all the kids have the same father OP?

What’s that got to do with the price of fish?

[Youdontevengohere]

Can’t the 14 year old hold her while she sleeps? It would give you a chance to have a shower/cup of tea!
My older 2 were 5 and 3 when the youngest was born and they held him all the time.

[Crystallizedring]

Well it would be far worse if they never wanted to hold her. YABVU. My older children never had to ask to hold their baby brother.
At this age how else is the baby going to bond with their siblings if they can't hold her? It's not like they can do much else with a baby.

[goodkidsmaadhouse]

YABU, let them hold the baby! In fact get a sling and let the 14yo ‘wear’ the baby - she will probably settle on him and have a good
long sleep.
my 3rd was never out of someone’s arms when he was a newborn - he used to sleep on my 5yo for ages and ages!

[Laalaland]

Don't let them interfere with babies sleep. It might even keep the novelty for longer so that they will be more interested in baby when they start to need more entertaining and it will actually be helpful.

You're sleepy deprived so you get to choose!

[iLovee]

Oh lovely, you had a baby 5 days ago and you've got 3 other kids to look after. You must be absolutely exhausted- especially because you are breastfeeding too! What a brilliant achievement, well done you 🩷

I totally understand where you are coming from - baby is not a doll and its hard when they've finally settled to be passed around I get that. However, I do think fostering good sibling relationships is important and its lovely they want to hold her. Unless they are being unsafe I would encourage lots of cuddles/interaction with the baby - as much as possible after school really.

I get that you want to be in a little bubble with your newborn but thats something only baby #1 gets unfortunately!

It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate atm! Be kind to yourself love and a huge congratulations 🩷

[MajorMischa]

I think try to use them to help , especially the oldest. So actually train them in how to help settle the baby, how to burp her, etc. I know they can't feed her to sleep but if she wakes they can cuddle her while you get ready to feed or finish dinner or whatever.

If it's witching hour after school, what about before school? They might need to get up earlier but that's their choice!

[Aquamarine1029]

I really don't understand what you're so uptight about. It would be amazing to have a 14 year old hold the baby while they sleep. Newborns will sleep anywhere.

[Ldygray]

Yabu let them hold the baby, as long as it’s not feeding time! I’d definitely be taking the 14 year old up on it so you can potter a bit while baby sleeps on him. It’s important they get to bond with the baby too.

[Confrontayshunme]

If I had a baby, my 12 year old would never let me hold her. She LOVES a newborn, and they are only small and squishy for a few short weeks. Let your older ones develop a relationship and bond too. At least they aren't jealous!

[Chocolatewizard]

Sorry I get that you're tired and those post birth hormones make everyone a little crazy... but I can't believe your 14 year old hasn't been able to hold the baby at any point during the day? Or that he has to ask permission? It's the lot in life for the youngest of 4 to be passed around like a doll, that's exactly what happens in big families! Just hand the baby over and go and have a nap, make the most of it.

[Cherrysoup]

Gently, OP, because I imagine you’re past exhausted and hormones are bonkers, but YABU, teach them how to hold her safely and give yourself a break.

[K37529]

why don’t you let him hold the baby when you have to do other things? Like when you’re making dinner or washing up, go have a shower or whatever. I wish I had a 14 year old to hold my baby, my other two are under 5 and they always want to hold her but I obviously have to be right there with them. I think your missing an opportunity here