'Clean your own house'

[LovelyTheresa]

This is just something that bugs me about this site. Every time there is a thread about the etiquette of employing a housecleaner, whatever the question is, someone invariably says 'clean your own house'. Why is that? It is so utterly bizarre, nobody would say 'do your own plumbing' 'do your own plastering' or even 'do your own garden' so why is it seen as so odd to have a cleaner!? I have a cleaner, everyone I know has a cleaner. It is only on this site that that is seen as out of the ordinary.

I don’t have a cleaner (yet) and guess what? My house is a pigsty 🤣 I think some of the snobbery comes from a time when women were “housewives” and it was part of their domestic responsibility. To not do all your own housework was to say you were crap at your job. But now most women have some kind of paid employment outside of the home, even part time. But a day still only has 24 hours, so how can people be expected to fit more into the same number of hours? By spending more time in the workplace there is a deficit in the number of hours available to be dedicated to domestic labour, which often gets filled by hiring a cleaner. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, it’s just the way it works. Equally this creates more jobs (albeit often low paid jobs….) as cleaners are in higher demand.
I am increasing my hours shortly as DS starts school soon and we’ll definitely be hiring a cleaner as we need it quite frankly. And I’m struggling to even find one as the smaller independent ones are fully booked. I see that as a sign that “do your own cleaning” clearly doesn’t work for many families these days.

It's seen as frivolous because it's women's work, unlike plumbing, which is a traditionally male occupation.

Most "people" can clean to a certain standard, but how many men will do it - without being asked, and without being reminded weekly, and without huffing and puffing and making it plain that they resent it, and expecting praise and some sort of quid pro quo for the huge favour they're doing for you, no matter how half asked a job they've done?

Are there really many men out there who take pride in being responsible for taking care of their home, or is that mainly women you're talking about when you say "people"?

There are women out there who have shrugged off all the gender role expectations because they want to come home to a clean house and they don't want to spend their hard earned leisure time picking up after their families.

There are a lot of men out there who only value work if they're paying for it or getting paid for it, but women tend to buy into values such as "house proud", which involve donating our time and energy, which doesn't always increase the respect in which we're held and it limits the amount of time we can spend on ourselves.

Half assed*

Give over taking pride in a clean house. That is definitely for losers. If I wash my socks I don't feel proud

Why can’t people feel pride in a clean and well represented house? Of course they can. You don’t get to tell people what gives them a sense of pride. For some people cleaning is therapeutic. It’s perfectly fine if people feel house proud.

The only loser here is you judging other people.

I pay someone to cut the grass as I absolutely hate doing it and just don't want to. I clean because I don't mind it and I can do it gradually eg the bathroom one day and the kitchen the next. I don't care if people think it's lazy that I refuse to cut the grass. I'm just not prepared to do it. So if I felt that way about cleaning I would get a cleaner. Lots of my friends have cleaners. I do find it odd when people who work part time have cleaners but it's up to them and I would never comment on it.

It's those and the dog haters on here for me op. Urg they need to just bore off!

LOVE my cleaner and my puppy! 🫧🧹🧽🧼🧺🐾🐾🐾🐾

😂

When I see the cleaners arriving to my neighbours when I am WFH I admit I feel a little bit jealous, but each to their own, good for you if you can afford it.
I can clean my house top to bottom,which is hard work but could never do any sort of plastering or plumbing they are hard skills to learn.
Gardening though, I find much too hard. Even when I was a struggling single parent I paid someone to cut the lawn.

@MasterScyther - a clean house is a basic necessity. To me, this is such a basic thing that it would be like being pleased at brushing my teeth or doing the laundry. You either do it or pay someone else, but pride in doing the hoovering is to me very regressive. There are better things out there.

For you there are. For others, they enjoy cleaning and take pride in it or it calms them. Some people feel great satisfaction from taking something dirty to clean. It’s not that uncommon.

Don’t be so snobby and let people be. Just because you aren’t into cleaning doesn’t mean others can’t be. And they aren’t losers if they enjoy it or take pride in it. I couldn’t give a fuck about a lot of things other people take pride in, but I wouldn’t look down on them. We’re all different.

Haven't RTWT but 'look after your own children' is another one.

'Do your own cleaning' and 'look after your own children' are common refrains if anyone complains about their cleaner or nanny/nursery. People can and often do behave badly towards cleaners and nannies/nursery staff, but equally it's not unreasonable to expect a service you're paying for to be performed adequately.

My dh is one of those men, just because ypu havent cone acrss any doesnt mean they dont exist. For me cleaning is boring (appreciate its not the same for everyone) , I do it because it needs to be done but I wouldn't say I take pride in it, mainly because I don't enjoy it. He does. I didn't say cleaning itself was frivolous but the act of having a cleaner often is considered to be. You seem to have taken my post as some kind of judgement on people that have cleaners, it isn't. The op asked why people thought that way and I offered up some suggestions. For my own part I couldn't give a toss, whether someone has a cleaner or not. They can choose to spend their money however they want to.

@Clangered · Today 10:04

I’m working class, childless, permanently wfh and have a cleaner. My mum is horrified.

I remember my mum getting all sniffy when I got a dishwasher some 2 decades ago. I was working 3.5 days a week in quite a busy/demanding job with a heavy workload, and had 2 infant aged children, and she said 'why on earth have you got a dishwasher, normal women wash the dishes in the sink.'

I said, 'because I work, I have NO help from anyone, I have 2 small children, and I am the only fucker who ever washes a cup! If you want to come to my house and do my washing up for me 3-4 times a day, then feel free. Otherwise I am keeping the bloody dishwasher.' She was like and said 'neither me, or your grandma and great grandma, or any of your aunts - have ever had a dishwasher, how ridiculous. It's laziness that's what it is. You should be washing up yourself like a normal housewife!'

She never said anything to my brother like this... Oh WAIT, he could not do a fukking thing wrong!

I also remember DH - many years ago when we first lived together - saying to me (when I said I hate housework) 'you should take pride in cleaning your home. You're a woman and should enjoy tootling about cleaning.'

He is not as bad now, but he has this habit of complimenting me for 'doing a good job of the hoovering,' or 'doing a good job of cleaning the bedrooms.' and occasionally says 'aren't you a good wife, making the house so clean?' ..

But he rarely makes any positive comments if I do the garden, clean the car, sort out the shed or garage, or do anything generally 'unfeminine.' 🙄Leave da menz to do da menz jobs. Keep to your wifework wumman!!!

Me and one friend are the only people in my town I know without a cleaner
And I'm pretty sure I live in Peak MNshire.

I've literally never seen anyone say "clean your own house" in fact the opposite I'm always seeing people say "outsource as much as you can"

(Although I wouldn't compare it to plumbing as that is a skill you need qualifications for some aspects of it )

I don't care who has a cleaner, but I would say it's only been the last 10 years or so when it has become an acceptable norm without being said with almost a shame for having one.

I'd love one, but I cannot stand anyone touching my mess. Or my things (mostly mess). I am ASD so this makes a difference - half the time I don't even want people in my house! Okay, all the time.

Definitely not normal in my world either 😆

Can you imagine men having this conversation EVER?!

Honestly l! It's such internalised sexism to think I MUST clean my own house, even if I can pay someone else to do so whilst I go out and earn money.

Then to talk about feeling ashamed to mention it.

I don't spend £45 a week on cigarettes or cars I can't afford to buy.... But plenty of other people do & don't feel bad about mentioning it!

Yes they do! On every single post about men not pulling their weight in the house.

@SabreIsMyFave exactly! Total
unabashed sexism!!

🙄 sounds like you’re the one with a chip on her shoulder OP

I have a cleaner. Our house is a passable pig stye and would be unliveable without her. She is brilliant.

I don’t want to hire a cleaner precisely because it will most likely be a woman and I wonder whether it is progressive to have another woman tidy up for us, especially if you have teenagers. Where do they learn responsibility for the mess they made.

DH wants to hire a cleaner so he can come back to a spotless home, we both work full time but I still think it’s not very nice.

Yeah agree - just hire one of you want or don’t