To think people romanticise the baby / toddler years

[Maybeiamagrump]

‘The days are long but the years are short.’

’I would give anything to go back.’

and so on.

And I do get it. I’ve had lovely, golden moments. But they have been moments and the days are hard going, and so are the nights.

I have broken nights as the baby doesn’t sleep through. Then the toddler wakes early. During the day someone constantly needs me, the baby cries, the toddler asks me what I’m doing x 100000 times every minute (conversation literally is ‘what you doing mummy?’ ‘I’m sweeping the mess you made floor darling.’ ‘What you doing mummy?’ X 10.)

Illness, we’ve just come out of a bout of illness which saw me have to go to out of hours with an unwell toddler in the evening. Horrible.

Mess, weaning baby, egg on the floor, sweetcorn under the chair, fish behind the TV three times a day!

Crying, snot, tantrums, getting sucked into pointless arguments (yes I know you want to play with that knife but you can’t.) Poo accidents, managing naps (baby) while the older one is so noisy. Toys everywhere, mess, no time to get stuff done.

We do actually get out a lot and it looks like we’re having so much fun and they are, I think they are anyway, and they are lovely children. Equally though I am looking forward to them growing and having some more time for me, to just breathe. AIBU to think a lot of people romanticise this time? I know I probably will one day too!

[theotherfossilsister]

I think it's both hard and wonderful. Mine doesn't sleep through although I'm beginning to just accept that's normal, and lower my expectations about sleep. It's magical seeing him run around though discovering things. The sleep is a big factor in not having a second baby though as I can't do another two years without sleep

[2mummies1baby]

The number of people who said to me, "Gosh, it's gone fast, hasn't it?" when my baby turned one was unbelievable. Maybe it has for you, love, but not for the poor sod who has been awake at least 18 hours out of each 24 for the past year!

I also totally disagree with the saying, "The days are long but the years are short." I have genuinely found it the exact opposite!

[TobarnanGealt]

Not me. It was absolutely ghastly. I adore DS, but I only started enjoying parenthood properly once I'd gone back to work. I loathed the newborn and small baby stage, and it felt like I spent years of my life going blue in a playground or clapping while he jumped into his favourite puddles repeatedly. He's almost 12 now, and I could still write a dissertation on 'Puddles of A Village I Haven't Lived in For Years'.

[Maybeiamagrump]

I do kind of understand the days are long but the years are short - I realise that there’s maybe only around seven christmases with very young children and only four or five with preschoolers and my eldest starts school September 25 and in some ways - only some - it doesn’t feel very long since I was pregnant with him! But I do think a lot of it is just very exhausting and stressful and lonely.

[Wagonwheelforme]

I adored the toddler years but they were exhausting!

A but like my parachute jump…glad to have done it, but glad not to be repeating it.

[LifeIsAboutToChange]

Its true though

I was ( still am ) a single mum when my DS was born. It was just him, me and my DD2 at the time.

It was so hard and lonely, I'll never forget that. DS woke every 2 hours and DD didnt nap anymore. But it was also such a lovely time,

I'll never forget how awful some parts of it were but it is true, you do look back and mostly remember the good bits and wish you could go back and experience them again

[zaxxon]

I found the years very, very, very long. Looking back, that baby/toddler period seemed to stretch on for decades. There were some lovely times, but I don't miss it at all.

[NoraLuka]

I had 2 babies with a 15 month gap and unashamedly look back with rose tinted glasses, safe in the knowledge that I’m unlikely to have any more now I’m in my 40s. I even look back happily at being awake at 3 AM for feeds, I used to look out of the window and it was so peaceful outside.

When I see someone with a double buggy I remember ours, which was a bloody tank and had to fit in a Corsa somehow along with the car seats and shopping.

I used to like taking the DC out to the beach or forest or anywhere really, they were so interested in everything. I think it’s gone full circle now because the other day I showed teenage DD2 a pretty stone and she humoured me and said it was lovely 😁

[MidnightPatrol]

There’s good and bad. And - different phases are good and bad, often week-to-week.

As @theotherfossilsister says, the part I can’t quite come to terms with is the poor sleep. My toddler rarely sleeps through the night, and because they wake at dawn every day there’s no recovery time.

Currently coping with that by going to bed very early, but that is a killer for your evening social life.

[movehimintothesun]

YANBU. Mine are both teens now, but I can still remember the absolute rage I felt when anyone leaned into the pram, cooed and then said the magic words 'enjoy it, it'll fly by' 😡. Are you actually kidding me!!!- some days felt like they had a million hours in them. I would therefore NEVER say that to anyone experiencing the same phase. Don't get me wrong, I look back at photos now and go all misty eyed reminiscing, but I would agree that it's easy to romanticise and forget the tough bits. And mine were relatively easy babies!

The most wonderful comment I ever had was from a random stranger in a pub; we were there as a family for tea, and we just struck up conversation; she asked their ages (DD2 was about 6mnths) and then said "ah, you must be Busy Bored". OMG, I felt so SEEN!- that's exactly how I felt... never a moment to do anything, but also so bored with so much of the mundane cleaning, wiping, tidying etc etc etc. I still think about that lady to this day, she really cheered me up, feeling that someone understood me and I wasn't a bad person for feeling like that.

[BrothersAndSisters]

I genuinely loved those years, I hated it when they first started full time school.

My two were not great sleepers but we let them come in our bed as toddlers and they were straight back to sleep. We also had a 5 year age gap between them which seemed far easier than dealing with a 2/3 year age gap and my partner was very hands on which again made things easier for me than a lot of mums I read about. Mess never bothered me but it was always tough going when they were ill.

[Maybeiamagrump]

It also makes for really long days I find @MidnightPatrol . 530 is never going to be much fun but then you get to 930 and have done a four hour ‘shift’ and what the hell …

[Confidentialinfo]

I absolutely loved and love it! I can sleep when I’m dead

[thedendrochronologist]

I don't think they do

All I hear about is sleepless nights and how tiring it all is and how it's so hard.

Thats the overwhelming get about parenthood.

And it is a relatively short period of a child's life one friend has three kids ans one is 11 and one is 3 so they have had 11 years of young kids.

But it's also pretty magical fun and special. I can't have children and would give anything to swap places.

[110APiccadilly]

I find I'm enjoying time with my kids more and more as they get bigger, certainly.

The other day the 3 year old went to the toilet entirely by herself while I was putting the toddler down for a nap, and I thought, "Wow, this is the life!" (She's been using the toilet for a while but likes to have someone to chat to and has tended to say, "I need you to come with me," a lot, even though she then does everything herself!)

I personally like it much more once they're mobile and talking. Babies are cute but I like the interaction as they get bigger. (I may of course change my mind about enjoying it more and more as they continue to get older!)

[PartyPlanner24]

I've always said that parenting is by far the easiest thing I've ever done. And simultaneously the hardest thing I've ever done.

In lots of ways, parenting came very easy to me - my children were planned and I adored them from the second I laid eyes on them. But the sleep deprivation and loss of who I felt I was as a person was harder than I ever imagined, there were times when I wasn't sure how I fitted into my own life.

[Annoyed851]

I get annoyed when people who went through it years ago completely overlook how hard it is when you’re in the thick of it and romanticise and belittle how broken we are as parents. Yes, I know I’ll look back and miss it but right now I need you to stop reminding me of that when I just need you to acknowledge that I’m knackered!

[Sharptonguedwoman]

@TobarnanGealt

Not me. It was absolutely ghastly. I adore DS, but I only started enjoying parenthood properly once I'd gone back to work. I loathed the newborn and small baby stage, and it felt like I spent years of my life going blue in a playground or clapping while he jumped into his favourite puddles repeatedly. He's almost 12 now, and I could still write a dissertation on 'Puddles of A Village I Haven't Lived in For Years'.

That made me laugh, the Puddles I have known'. Yes, to all of what you say. I found I was happy to go back to work after three months - it was that or starve, really. I felt I knew what I was doing at work, at home, not so much. I'd have made a very poor SAHM, although love by DD to bits. She's a grown up now and all is fine.

[Throwyourkeysup]

I absolutely loved the new born, baby and infant stage, but agree op that it was perhaps lovelier in retrospect and my dh was travelling for work for a lot of it. The weeks when the dc were ill were so awful I shall never forget sitting at the bottom of the stairs one night crying because I was so exhausted. And I was living in another country at the time where I didn't know anyone at that point. The children were great and usually slept, played and ate well, but I felt very lonely and isolated. And navigating a foreign nursery and school system was very stressful indeed until I learned the language.

I agree with pp that really worthwhile things are always hard and wonderful at the same time though. Birth kind of sets you up for that doesn't it?

[Alwaysallways]

Depends on your child and your outlook to life, your situation, support levels, finances… so much surely?

Also, possible unpopular opinion but the people on here and IRL in the trenches seem to be those who have had a very small age gap and competing priorities. If we have more than one we will have a large gap, and it’s a very big if atm!

[Maybeiamagrump]

@Alwaysallways

Depends on your child and your outlook to life, your situation, support levels, finances… so much surely?

Also, possible unpopular opinion but the people on here and IRL in the trenches seem to be those who have had a very small age gap and competing priorities. If we have more than one we will have a large gap, and it’s a very big if atm!

Some of us were ancient on the older side when we started!

I don’t mind the gap. I think it would have been harder in some ways to have come out of it then back into it but also understand why some prefer not to do that.

[ColleenDonaghy]

@Annoyed851

I get annoyed when people who went through it years ago completely overlook how hard it is when you’re in the thick of it and romanticise and belittle how broken we are as parents. Yes, I know I’ll look back and miss it but right now I need you to stop reminding me of that when I just need you to acknowledge that I’m knackered!

Yes, agree with this.

Fortunately my mum felt the same about the baby years so I have always felt seen by her.

We're juuuust about out of this now, youngest will be 4 this summer. It's getting so much easier. It's so nice not to be worrying about routines (eldest in particular was the type who'd be cranky for days if she missed one nap), nappies, night wakenings (just about). They're little people who can talk and ask big questions.

I'm still knackered though. That's gotta improve soon though, surely.

[ColleenDonaghy]

@Maybeiamagrump

Some of us were ancient on the older side when we started!

I don’t mind the gap. I think it would have been harder in some ways to have come out of it then back into it but also understand why some prefer not to do that.

Yes a smaller (2 years) gap has worked for us. There's no way I could've gone back once the eldest got to 4!

[110APiccadilly]

I love the small age gap (I have 21 months between them). First couple of months were brutal, but no sleep's brutal whatever the age of your older child! After that, they've both fitted into the same routine really well, and they're already able to enjoy a lot of the same things (swimming, playgroups, parks, trips on trains and buses, story books, etc).

Maybe it'd have been easier with a bigger gap, but I don't feel like it would have. I look at people trying to entertain a toddler and primary school aged child and I'm very glad I'm not them! (Maybe they're glad they're not me, I don't know. It's quite possibly at least partly personality and some people find small gaps easier and some find big gaps easier.)

Although I suppose a really big gap would make it easier, looking back at teenage me babysitting my toddler brother! But then you'd have to start younger than I did.

[HollyKnight]

The thing is, it doesn't really get any easier the older they get. Your struggles just change. What you see as people romanticising the baby stage could be people who with hindsight realise that was the easiest stage (for them). You wish it away because it's so tough, but then you miss it when it's gone because you didn't appreciate it at the time.