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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why don't sole beneficiaries of a will share more?

260 replies

malificent7 · 27/03/2024 07:33

I mean in cases where it's clearly unfair. Such as the step mum inheriting all when there are children about or one sibling unexpectedly inheriting everything.
Jusr a bit shocked about inheritance threads ( and concerned about my own stepmum getting everything).

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 27/03/2024 11:18

I'm set to inherit everything when my mum dies, I have a brother but mum doesn't want him to get anything for reasons I'm not going to go into. I won't be sharing with him and there are no children to consider

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 27/03/2024 11:18

Well, I was left out of a will on one side and it appears that all stuff relating to my dad as a kid (it wasn't his will) got either taken or binned by a cousin. That hurt as it wouldn't have cost them anything to give me a bunch of photos and old school reports.

On my husband's side, he was left all the chattels by his parents (pretty wealthy) but is letting his half-siblings choose from the (fairly valuable) chattels that aren't from his mum's side. He's not close to said siblings, but is also not an arse.

I have made a post-wedding will that is very clear about our daughter inheriting my property (separate house in my name) in case I die first. If I survive my husband then I don't intend to remarry or cohabit again. I don't want any nonsense about contested wills or claims on the estate and I am never going to want my stuff to go to anyone but my daughter, even in some horrible future situation where she doesn't want to see me. I'm always going to be her mum and that is always going to be my most important job.

Menomeno · 27/03/2024 11:21

MrsSkylerWhite · 27/03/2024 11:16

Isn’t it perfectly normal for someone to leave everything to their wife/husband/partner in the first instance? Surely any children get what’s left when the partner dies.
That’s what we’re doing. We’re gifting our children a lump sum when we downsize but thereafter, the surviving partner will receive everything. If there’s anything over when they’ve gone, the kids will receive that.

Standard, I’d have thought.

That’s pretty much our scenario too. If DH goes first, I get his share of the house/pension etc because I might have another 30 years to live. And vice-versa. Once we both go, anything left goes to the kids.

makeanddo · 27/03/2024 11:24

@MrsSkylerWhite - I think it used to be normal however there are too many cases where the man remarries and then everything automatically goes to the new wife and family with his children left with nothing. I just get a feeling that men do this more than women. I don't think older women have anything or much to gain from remarrying esp if they have assets.

NonPlayerCharacter · 27/03/2024 11:24

MrsSkylerWhite · 27/03/2024 11:16

Isn’t it perfectly normal for someone to leave everything to their wife/husband/partner in the first instance? Surely any children get what’s left when the partner dies.
That’s what we’re doing. We’re gifting our children a lump sum when we downsize but thereafter, the surviving partner will receive everything. If there’s anything over when they’ve gone, the kids will receive that.

Standard, I’d have thought.

Why would you prefer to leave everything to your partner than your children? And how do you feel about the possibility of predeceasing your partner and then everything eventually going to your step kids and none to your kids?

Fairyliz · 27/03/2024 11:25

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I’m assuming you have children if you are on MN and possibly own a property partly funded by your hard work?

If you died and you DH remarried would you be happy that the new wife got everything and then left it to her children and your children got nothing?

Topsyturvy78 · 27/03/2024 11:25

They will want their spouse taken care of before anything. Why should stepmother or father be forced to put their house up for sale so the grabby kids get their inheritance?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 27/03/2024 11:25

I dare say some do, but probably not many. Anyone can make a Deed of Variation, to alter a will that they feel is unfair - as long as all the beneficiaries agree.

Especially in the cases of widowers remarrying, and then dying, though, I suspect that many of the widows have no intention of sharing anything.

I know of one case where the woman (who was supposed to be his live-in carer) persuaded a widower with dementia (as yet undiagnosed) to marry him - she took him abroad for the purpose and of course didn’t bother to inform his own family.

He died not too long afterwards - after she had refused to let his family see him for some time - and having changed his will (almost certainly at her request) to leave everything to her, and it was a substantial estate.

The family contested the will, but the woman was very clever and plausible, and they lost.

Moral of that story, if his dementia had been officially diagnosed, she probably wouldn’t have got away with it.

Plus, the person who told me this, admitted that the woman’s references were somewhat ambiguous - carefully worded - but they were so desperate for someone to look after their father, they chose to ignore any niggly feelings.

NonPlayerCharacter · 27/03/2024 11:29

Topsyturvy78 · 27/03/2024 11:25

They will want their spouse taken care of before anything. Why should stepmother or father be forced to put their house up for sale so the grabby kids get their inheritance?

Because if that's what's been willed, then it's not their property to keep.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 27/03/2024 11:31

What one person finds unfair, another person thinks is entirely fair. One of my siblings isn't in my parents will. They've freely admitted they're waiting for them to die so they can inherit. I have absolutely no intention of sharing anything with them. They've been awful to my parents and I'm sure their version of events will include how hard done by they are.

NonPlayerCharacter · 27/03/2024 11:34

HunterHearstHelmsley · 27/03/2024 11:31

What one person finds unfair, another person thinks is entirely fair. One of my siblings isn't in my parents will. They've freely admitted they're waiting for them to die so they can inherit. I have absolutely no intention of sharing anything with them. They've been awful to my parents and I'm sure their version of events will include how hard done by they are.

Are they aware they're not in the will?

NameChangedAgainn · 27/03/2024 11:37

I don't get why anyone thinks they're entitled to anything if the deceased didn't leave them anything in their Will. A lot of thought goes into preparing a Will, if someone chooses to leave everything to one person, they are doing it deliberately. I hope the sole beneficiary of my Will doesn't ever feel pressured to share any inheritance with people I don't intend for my estate to go to.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 27/03/2024 11:37

Our wills leave everything to each other and when the second one dies it's split equally between my godchildren and his children. I'm a similar age to his children so there's a possibility his children might not get anything (he's 20 years older). Do I feel guilty? No. They've inherited from their mother and I'm not selling my home for them.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 27/03/2024 11:45

Topsyturvy78 · 27/03/2024 11:25

They will want their spouse taken care of before anything. Why should stepmother or father be forced to put their house up for sale so the grabby kids get their inheritance?

Grabby kids? Some may be, but it all depends on the circumstances.

Example 1: Ann and Bob marry and have two children. They live to a ripe old age. Bob dies first, Ann dies two years later, without having re-married. Everything is shared between the two children equally. This is what both Ann and Bob wanted.

Example 2: As above, but Ann dies when the children are young. Bob re-marries, new wife is Carol. Bob and Carol are married for 40 years. When Bob dies, Carol inherits everything. When Carol dies, she leaves the whole shebang to Bob's children. This is what Bob wanted.

Example 3: As above, but when Carol dies she leaves the whole shebang to her niece. This is not what Bob wanted, but he didn't leave a will, so Carol can do what she likes.

Example 4: David and Eva marry and have two children. Eva dies after 40 years of marriage and David becomes sole owner of the house and all their savings. David marries again. He dies two years later. Wife #2 inherits his entire estate and the children get nothing. This is not what Eva would have wanted, but neither Eva nor David wrote wills that would have protected the children's interests.

I don't think the kids in examples 1 and 4 are grabby to expect to inherit their parents' estate. In examples 2 and 3, there is an argument for saying that after 40 years of marriage Bob's assets are just as much Carol's as his own, so Carol has a very strong claim on them. However, to cut out Bob's children altogether would seem unfair to most people.

MoonWoman69 · 27/03/2024 11:48

malificent7 · 27/03/2024 07:55

I guess in my case, i'd be happy for step mum or step gf to get a share. She has her own house anyway. Id just be hurt for example if she got everything or is my dear sis got everything or if indeed the cat home got everything!

So, in this particular quote, what you're saying is that you think you should be entitled to your dads money, no matter what his wishes are/were?
What ever happened to the idea that if you have been left anything at all in a will, you should be grateful and thankful for the thought?!
Your (in general, not specifically you) parents estate isn't automatically yours! There's nothing in law that states that. But for some people it seems to be an automatic expectation!
I lost my dad last year and I'm currently sorting out his estate, which will be a considerable sum. It will be split two ways, between myself and his long term companion, who he never married, never lived with but spent weekends and holidays away with. And although sad he's no longer here, I will be very humbled, grateful and thankful for my share.
But if he had stated in his will that his companion should have inherited his entire estate, then those would have been his wishes, as it was his money, to leave to who he chose to. Just because I was his only child, doesn't mean I'm entitled to his inheritance.
And I'd rather have my dad here, spending his money, than without him.
Some people are so mercenary these days, it's shocking.
My saying is, don't expect anything, then you won't be disappointed!

LifeExperience · 27/03/2024 11:48

Don't blame the recipients. Blame the deceased who didn't plan well enough, especially in a second marriage where there are children from the first.

Darker · 27/03/2024 11:50

I think that the reality is that many people struggle to express their wishes and expect their beneficiaries to do the ‘right thing’. It’s hard to imagine a child or partner would be capable of screwing over other people in the family. But it happens….

Spirallingdownwards · 27/03/2024 11:50

Often it is because their partner still needs the home to live in and still needs the money left behind to live off. If you have a loving relationship with the step parent they will usually have had a mirror will with the other parent as to how the money is left after they die. If you don't then your actual parent no doubt should have considered whether to make provision for you and decided not to.

malificent7 · 27/03/2024 11:54

Well i'm leaving everything to dd not dh. Dh has his own income/ assets/ inheritance.

OP posts:
Whatevershallidowithmylife · 27/03/2024 11:55

malificent7 · 27/03/2024 07:55

I guess in my case, i'd be happy for step mum or step gf to get a share. She has her own house anyway. Id just be hurt for example if she got everything or is my dear sis got everything or if indeed the cat home got everything!

But it's not about you, its about what your DF wants to do.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 27/03/2024 11:56

malificent7 · 27/03/2024 11:54

Well i'm leaving everything to dd not dh. Dh has his own income/ assets/ inheritance.

What happens if your DH isn't happy with this though- you will (rightly) say its up to you what you do with your estate, as ut is your DF.

MillieIou · 27/03/2024 11:58

malificent7 · 27/03/2024 11:54

Well i'm leaving everything to dd not dh. Dh has his own income/ assets/ inheritance.

And then your DH might call you selfish. Or your sister. Or friend. And so on. It's your choice what you do.

dutysuite · 27/03/2024 11:58

My husband has just become sole beneficiary and the will specifically stipulated that no one else was to get a share.

Georgyporky · 27/03/2024 12:00

I'd turn the title on its head.

"Why do people not named as beneficiaries expect to inherit something ?"

Autienotnaughtie · 27/03/2024 12:01

My mum left her share of their house to my dad but split her share of the savings between me and my sis and grandchildren. Dsis felt hard done to because she got 50k and me and my two (adult) dd got 150k so 50k each. In her eyes my family got more. Some people are greedy

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