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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why don't sole beneficiaries of a will share more?

260 replies

malificent7 · 27/03/2024 07:33

I mean in cases where it's clearly unfair. Such as the step mum inheriting all when there are children about or one sibling unexpectedly inheriting everything.
Jusr a bit shocked about inheritance threads ( and concerned about my own stepmum getting everything).

OP posts:
IDontLikePinaColadas · 27/03/2024 08:01

What people seem to forget is that if an inheritance is passed on to a second spouse, with the intent that any remainder goes to the deceased’s children, if that second spouse remarries then their new spouse automatically become the new beneficiary - if you catch my drift. So unless the step-parent makes a new will, any money/items intended to go to step-children will now go to their new spouse, which I really don’t think is fair.

It took my DF and DSM 15 years to and cost god knows what to have their wills exactly how they wanted and watertight to ensure that their wishes for their children would be fulfilled should one of them re-marry.

If you don’t have excellent legal advice, it’s very easy to find yourself in this position.

MillieIou · 27/03/2024 08:02

It's not your business how people plan their will, and there's nothing unfair about someone's choice. There would be a reason it never went to you if it all went to step mum.

vanillawaffle · 27/03/2024 08:04

Take it up with the person who wrote the will

vanillawaffle · 27/03/2024 08:04

IDontLikePinaColadas · 27/03/2024 08:01

What people seem to forget is that if an inheritance is passed on to a second spouse, with the intent that any remainder goes to the deceased’s children, if that second spouse remarries then their new spouse automatically become the new beneficiary - if you catch my drift. So unless the step-parent makes a new will, any money/items intended to go to step-children will now go to their new spouse, which I really don’t think is fair.

It took my DF and DSM 15 years to and cost god knows what to have their wills exactly how they wanted and watertight to ensure that their wishes for their children would be fulfilled should one of them re-marry.

If you don’t have excellent legal advice, it’s very easy to find yourself in this position.

Not necessarily. They can be written in trust

PapaIndigoTangoAlpha · 27/03/2024 08:07

It depends what you mean by fair.

The money belonged to the deceased at the end of the day, techniclly it's fair that they get to decide where it goes when they are gone I.e. their spouse, their child, the cats home.

But we are all inherently a bit selfish when it comes to things like this and I understand the hurt if you aren't accounted for in someone's will when you expected to be.

Alwaysalwayscold · 27/03/2024 08:08

I put it down to a rise in 'step' families. Some people don't seem to feel obligated to share with people they're not related to and don't feel bad about it. This includes second husband/wives etc.

endofthelinefinally · 27/03/2024 08:08

Over and over again this situation crops up on MN. A lot of people don't realise that in England and NI ( I know it is different in Scotland, no idea about Wales) a marriage immediately invalidates a will. A lot of the time, a parent dies intestate because they didn't make a new will when they married a second time.
This happened a couple of times in my family. I have nothing to remember my grandparents. Not a thing. The entire estate went to second wife as the existing will was disregarded.
What she couldn't sell, she destroyed. There needs to be some sort of public education programme.

Twiglets1 · 27/03/2024 08:10

endofthelinefinally · 27/03/2024 08:08

Over and over again this situation crops up on MN. A lot of people don't realise that in England and NI ( I know it is different in Scotland, no idea about Wales) a marriage immediately invalidates a will. A lot of the time, a parent dies intestate because they didn't make a new will when they married a second time.
This happened a couple of times in my family. I have nothing to remember my grandparents. Not a thing. The entire estate went to second wife as the existing will was disregarded.
What she couldn't sell, she destroyed. There needs to be some sort of public education programme.

Even if people knew about it, what could they do? If it’s the law then it’s the law and people hoping to inherit have to accept that.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 27/03/2024 08:12

This is getting more common.

If a parent chose a new partner they would want them to be secure in the event of their death. That's fair enough.

Not all step mothers are wicked, surely?!

I won't be leaving my money to anyone but my children.

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 27/03/2024 08:20

malificent7 · 27/03/2024 07:55

I guess in my case, i'd be happy for step mum or step gf to get a share. She has her own house anyway. Id just be hurt for example if she got everything or is my dear sis got everything or if indeed the cat home got everything!

You would be just as hurt if your sister was left everything regardless if she shared it later with you or not. The hurt comes from being left out of the will not the money.

endofthelinefinally · 27/03/2024 08:21

Twiglets1 · 27/03/2024 08:10

Even if people knew about it, what could they do? If it’s the law then it’s the law and people hoping to inherit have to accept that.

It might educate people embarking on a second marriage late in life to actually make a new will as soon as they marry, if they want to leave something to their children.

ItsNotAPoolBasedHoliday · 27/03/2024 08:23

Even if people knew about it, what could they do? If it’s the law then it’s the law and people hoping to inherit have to accept that.

Make a will.

I think too many people don't think about the legal side of getting married. The old 'it's only a piece of paper' line.

SoapOperaFamily · 27/03/2024 08:24

When someone leaves everything in their will to their spouse, without leaving anything to their children, it is because that is what they want to happen. Your issue here is with your parent, not your step-parent. Sometimes, your parent will leave everything to their spouse (your step-parent) with a vague promise from them that they will pass everything to you when the step parent dies but nothing in writing, and this is useless. Your parent believes their new spouse to be a good person who will honour this but once your parent is dead there is no way they can make sure their spouse follows their intentions.

Occasionally, as was the case with our family, the parent who dies does not leave a valid will. Our stepmother had written instructions and a good understanding of our dad’s intentions wrt his estate and how it was to be divided, but the law (intestacy) allowed her to take a far greater share than he had intended to so she did. The only reasons we can come to for why she did this is because she is a complete fucking witch. Our family has never recovered - she locked us out of our dad’s home (which was not even her home at the time) less than 24hrs after he died and we were never got a single photograph of him after he died, let alone any of the collectibles and possessions that he told us (and which were put in writing, just not correctly signed) would be ours after he was gone.

What I have found on MN is that there is a very cold-hearted approach to inheritances. When someone dies and leaves someone bereft it is often stated that you are not entitled to anything anyway, it was never yours until it was passed to you legitimately in a will. The sad fact and reality is that not everyone has a valid will, but complicated family situations mean that valid wills (where the person the will belongs to understands ALL of the implications and repercussions) are more important than ever, as are the often difficult conversations about who will be left what after someone dies. It is not unreasonable for a parent to want to leave their new spouse a home, an income after they have died, possessions that they shared and acquired together during their marriage. But it is also not unreasonable for someone to want to pass family money and possessions from before their new marriage to their children, and it is not unreasonable for those children to want to inherit from their parent. A clear conversation and a correctly written will avoids any of the sad situations where someone unexpectedly feels hard done by.

In my family’s situation, my dad had intended for his share of his family’s wealth, which he had inherited himself from his parents and grandparents, to be passed to his children, and for the portion of his possessions and money he had earned for himself in his lifetime to go to his estranged second wife. His will had been written and not correctly witnessed, so she took the lot, despite it being more money than she knows what to do with, and enough to have supported not only her family but the families of all my siblings too. I hope rots in hell for her actions and greed, but have resigned myself to the fact that she will probably just waste most of it and pass the rest on to her children who she had with another man after she had separated from my dad.

Long explanation, but if you just skipped to the end for the punchline - the reason some people don’t share when they are sole beneficiaries of an inheritance is because they might be cunts.

endofthelinefinally · 27/03/2024 08:25

My grandad's existing will was very clear, but because he married again it was invalid.

oprahwindsock · 27/03/2024 08:28

malificent7 · 27/03/2024 07:33

I mean in cases where it's clearly unfair. Such as the step mum inheriting all when there are children about or one sibling unexpectedly inheriting everything.
Jusr a bit shocked about inheritance threads ( and concerned about my own stepmum getting everything).

Why shouldn't stepmum get everything? She probably contributed to the pot. Kids usually get inheritance when both parents die.

I dislike these grabby threads.

KarmaChameleon63213 · 27/03/2024 08:28

Op do you have a will ?

BloodyHellKenAgain · 27/03/2024 08:30

Outonabranch · 27/03/2024 07:47

I guess the problem with step families is that the kids see the step mother ( using Step mum as that is the case given in the OP) as somehow ‘outside’ the family, and they are then unfairly ‘getting’ family money they are not entitled to.

Whereas the spouse sees the ‘step mum’ not as ‘step’ anything but as their dearly beloved wife and life partner, and therefore as absolutely their family and entitled to all the money and security that a first spouse would get without question.

This with knobs on

underthemilky · 27/03/2024 08:31

TomeTome · 27/03/2024 07:36

Most people understand that people leave everything to their partner surely? Anything that trickles down to the next generation is after your spouse has been cared for (so when they have died).

Hmm. Not always. A new spouse inheriting everything whilst the deceased spouse dc get nothing is potentially unfair. People do weird shit sometimes when they fall in love. We all know that.

Precipice · 27/03/2024 08:32

If your the sole beneficiary because there was no will you can assume the person who died knew the laws as its not secretive

Knowledge of succession law is pretty poor.

In terms of Scotland, for example, there are now very few claims for legal rights. In testate estates, that is, so analogous to your question: why don't people who have a claim under succession law but are not made beneficiaries get the share they're legally entitled to? (Not in intestate estates, where prior rights will typically exhaust the estate). Probably because they don't know about it.

Keeprejoining · 27/03/2024 08:36

We Have mirror will where everything is left to each other. There is nothing for DC. We need the house to live in and savings for repairs and living expenses. We are not going to be homeless to give DC £50k each.

TraitorsGate · 27/03/2024 08:42

As a second spouse I would give previous children something, it doesn't seem fair to me that they get nothing. But it's the will that needs updating.

endofthelinefinally · 27/03/2024 08:43

So what happens once one partner is left alone? Will they review their wishes? What if they get married again? Statistics show that men marry again more frequently than the other way round. These things need to be planned for, rather than just left to chance.

endofthelinefinally · 27/03/2024 08:43

So what happens once one partner is left alone? Will they review their wishes? What if they get married again? Statistics show that men marry again more frequently than the other way round. These things need to be planned for, rather than just left to chance.

Shoxfordian · 27/03/2024 08:44

It's up to the deceased to make a proper will after remarriage to leave money accordingly

concernedchild · 27/03/2024 08:45

@underthemilky in that case the children are entitled to make a claim against the estate and if they have a good case, they will win.

You need to have maintenance needs to be due something from the estate. You don't just get it by virtue of being their child.