Why don't sole beneficiaries of a will share more?

[malificent7]

I mean in cases where it's clearly unfair. Such as the step mum inheriting all when there are children about or one sibling unexpectedly inheriting everything.
Jusr a bit shocked about inheritance threads ( and concerned about my own stepmum getting everything).

Its not the person who inherits decision to make, they should respect the wishes of the person who made the will

It is, but the level of ignorance about this appears to be huge.

I don’t think it is “potentially unfair” and the “weird shit” you’re describing is called getting married. It’s a decision to join your finances and life into one. How could it be right to leave your money to your children ahead of your spouse?

A friend was recently widowed. She is now sharing the (small) estate with the two adult children equally. Her choice as there is no will. However, she now has to start again, aged 50, without a home or a job.

I admire her principles, but I don't think it's fair for her. Her husband's children don't have responsibilities, will inherit substantially from their mother's side and have their lives ahead of them. She is going to have to rebuild everything at an age when she thought she could be comfortable. In her shoes, I don't believe I would be as generous, and I would be more selfish.

However, it isn't about sharing equally but about considering everyone's individual needs, as well as considering the wishes of the deceased.

I've read so many sad threads where a man's house and assets all go to the second wife, who then gives that her bio children. It's sad that he hasn't provided for his children in his will.

if my dad dies first all the money goes to my step mum and when she dies it is split equally between all 4 children. They’ve been married for over 40 years since i was a child. I am not my step mums biggest fan but this is absolutely the right decision. I trust her enough that i will get my share when she’s gone and i would absolutely hate for her to have to have money worries in her old age. Me and my step sister are the trustees of the will, I simply cannot see that we’d ever get left out of it.

And there we go - proving my point well here! 🙄 On MN, there are always people who cannot understand or imagine the distress a badly written will, or even no will at all, can cause, and assumes that everyone who is on the receiving end of the aforementioned badly written will is ‘grabby.’

In the case I am all too familiar with, my stepmother actually prevented my father from having his will correctly witnessed (his solicitor actually made notes to this effect.) She took far more from my father and my family than she ever contributed, but took the lot anyway. It is not always the case that a child of a deceased parent wants to do a step-parent out of their home and lifestyle. Each case is a separate scenario, but there are just as many wicked stepmothers out there as there are grabby children. And there are a lot of people who are left distressed because of the general ignorance of the law regarding wills, second marriages, and so on.

It is not unreasonable to hope that a parent has a correctly written, signed and witnessed will, and has been open with their intentions and left their paperwork in good order with no surprises for anyone. But you would be amazed how frequently this is not the case.

Personally I feel like people already know they ought to make a will if they get married again, & want to ensure the children from their first marriage get something.

The reason they don’t is that they are too lazy, don’t care enough or actively want their new spouse to inherit everything. It’s not lack of education.

This OP.

And another one without the imagination for the ‘weird shit.’ My dad’s second marriage was to a foreign woman younger than my youngest sibling who openly declared her reason for marriage was to obtain a visa. As soon as that was obtained, she disappeared, had 2 children by another man (leaving her older 2 kids, also by men that were not my dad) living with my dad. She only returned to his life when he was terminally ill, and the one bit of credit I can give her is that she did care for him in his final months, but did not live with him as a spouse.

To the end, my dad (who she had left years before, and who freely admitted he was ashamed by her actions) still thought she was probably a decent person, because of the ‘weird shit’ love does.

You've absolutely nailed it @Outonabranch

Why on earth shouldn't your father leave his estate to his wife?! It's so disrespectful to him to suggest he shouldn't and shows a real lack of insight on your part.

Or because they are a superstitious idiot who has cancer and thinks re-doing his will will cause the universe to think ‘he has written his last will and testament, he is ready to die now.’ 🙄 Yes, this is a real thing.

I don't have children, DH has 2 (age over 30) from previous relationship.

DH & I bought our house together, both worked full time until retired, works out we paid mortgage off equally.

If DH dies before me I inherit everything. I'll need to as if our home had to be sold to give 50% of the proceeds to his children I'll be homeless.

Our property value is around 220k. There is nothing anywhere near my relatives to buy for 110k. I'll be far too old to get a mortgage.

In our case I plan to leave a will leaving 50% of my estate to his 2 children and the other 50% to charities and my siblings (or their children if sibling has passed).

That's fair isn't it?

I think it depends on your relationship with the person you could potentially share with. There is a possibility thst my dad might leave everything in his will to me and nothing or little to my sister (for no fault of hers). If that happens I will share it freely with my sister because I love her and wish her well. And I've told my dad that I will do that if he tries to pull a shitty stunt like that.

Married people are entitled to the resources of their deceased partner. I don't think that's unfair. That's the whole point of marriage. I don't think those children would be complaining had the step parent died first and their own parent inherited it all to pass it onto them.

Often when parents specifically write in their will unfair amounts it's for perfectly valid reasons. You treat someone like shit while they're alive then you don't get their stuff when they die.

I think it's more unfair when people try to make all blood relatives equal and all "bonus" relatives secondary. Not wanting step children to inherit from the family pot, making sure two siblings get the same amount when one calls once a year and the other provides full time care.

Yes that sounds fair.

That’s hard.

But it does sound like they still had affection for one another, despite everything.

Why blame the stepmum for not sharing, rather than the father for not writing a fair will?

My parents died in the same year. I was sole beneficiary of the will. My half brothers - Mum's side, were in and out of our lives sonce i can remember. I remember Mum being sad every celebration she never heard from them. So no, i didn't give them anything at all. Funnily enough one cut contact after my Father's funeral. I never heard from him again. I'm not regretting anything.

Unfair because, if I died, everything that is mine, that I have earned and worked for, goes to my husband. Now, if he re-married and left all of the wealth that I had earned (which of course is now his) to his new wife, then my kids would receive nothing. Clearly that would not be my intention. Now, he wouldn't do that, but it happens.

Do you not see that as unfair? Leaving aside the 'well it's now his money he can do as he likes etcetc', I fail to see how you could NOT think that was unfair on my kids? Or fail to see why my kids might think that was unfair? My parents divorced and remarried. They're both dead now and their respective partners are still alive. I still received a generous inheritance from them, because I am their child.

To be clear, it does astound me that parents effectively write their own children out of their will. Of course the onus is on the will maker to distribute their funds fairly.

More to the point why don't people write their wills properly and discuss their contents with close family in life so that there are no nasty surprises?

My will is what I want to happen. It'd annoy me to think I went to the effort and expense of having a will drawn up only for someone else to decide to do something differently with my money when I'm gone.

It's my will. It doesn't matter one damn if someone thinks it is unfair - it is what I want to happen.

That said, I also strongly believe in communicating what that will holds before death - not leaving it as a shock after I've gone. So, where I have made provisions that might be viewed as unfair, I have already spoken to all those impacted to explain.

Agree.

my dad left everything to my mum, as is expected. I got nothing.

if he had left everything to me she would not have been able to survive on a pension, no house, no savings etc.

so why is it different for a step mum? Kids still get nothing 🤷‍♀️ . Or is it preferable she gets kicked out of her home with no money so it can go to the kids?

I've never inherited anything from any of my family, dad, aunts, uncles, great aunts, grandparents...
It doesn't bother me really. It seems a weird thing as a bereaved person to be worrying about.

Yes I agree with this. My Dad has written a new will giving my stepmother a life interest in his property and then it passes to my sister & I upon her death (assuming he dies first).

Thats fair I think - but also appreciate that he told us about the terms of his will upfront so we are not expecting to inherit the property immediately upon his death. Communication is key.