Why don't sole beneficiaries of a will share more?

[malificent7]

I mean in cases where it's clearly unfair. Such as the step mum inheriting all when there are children about or one sibling unexpectedly inheriting everything.
Jusr a bit shocked about inheritance threads ( and concerned about my own stepmum getting everything).

They are all adults now and want nothing do with hi mm because he left their mother (nothing to do with me I was long after !... ) but should leave his estate to children who couldn't even say happy birthday.. the fifteen years they spent with us under court order .. laughing, having fun, (making keepsakes all saved) ..no ! They have made their choice .

Well, he's chosen his legacy. I think he's made a terrible choice but from the sound of his transactional attitude towards love, money, parenthood and the realities of child rearing, it sounds as if it's the one he wants. It definitely reflects his priorities and values.

A situation he created

How is that Allfur ?? His wife was sleeping with her aerobics teacher.. he was a contractor away from home providing a very comfortable life which included a full nanny and cleaner for a SAHM ?

She made it clear he was unwelcome when he returned,,,so he left.., when he met me she wanted a meeting,, het first statement was ' our status can't change' 'i don't give a rats arse about who he fucks but he needs to maintain his children's and my lifestyle' .. I left .. she married the aerobics teacher who left her after 3 years so has spent 20 years telling the kids how awful dad is .. which they believe despite evidence to the contrary.

Why should they. My G/father's second wife got the lot. Shit happens.

All the evidence you've given - and you're on his side! - backs it up. This entire post is about how terrible the ex is, yet the kids are being punished. His approach to his kids is possessive, transactional, entitled and nastily mixed up in his first failed marriage. Perhaps his ex's decision to stay home wasn't a mutual one and he would have preferred her to work, but with four kids and a husband who was away a lot I can see why it made sense. If he'd got the 50:50 he apparently so desperately wanted, who would have looked after them while he worked away so much? Why does he not seem to value that work at all?

And given he's now weaponising his kids' inheritance because he doesn't feel they deserve it for not giving him enough after what was clearly a nasty split in which it sounds like they got weaponised themselves...Well frankly it sounds as if he and his ex both prioritised money in pretty much the same way as each other.

He's chosen his legacy and he'll be remembered for the kind of father he is: a King Lear who weaponises money, has a possessive, conditional and entitled attitude towards parenting and love, and sees inheritance as something children must earn by pleasing him, no matter what shit they went through in their formative years thanks to the adults' choices. He thinks his children owe him something.

Personally I'd be devastated if that were my legacy, but he's obviously happy with it and so are you. So enjoy the money and be glad he'll be remembered by his children as who he was. It's all his choice and it's what he wants. Be happy!

I do't think any step-parent on MN likes their SC. And when you mention inheritance, it's like the start of armeggedon!

I'm fed up reading about disgruntled families left nothing while a step parent inherits.

Let me explain.

I'm a stepmum, kids were teenagers when I married my late husband 40 years ago. We then had two kids. Both of us worked, my husband supported kids from first marriage through education and uni. And after, when they needed a helping hand financially. This wasn't just his money he used it was ours. I was working too don't forget.

I inherit from my late parents - husband inherits from his. It all goes into the pot.

Fast forward 40 years husband dies and leaves everything to me with Mirror Will in place stating how money to be split in the event of me dying.

Now, suppose instead we split the inheritance while I'm still alive, I have to sell the family home to pay the kids. I have to go on benefits because the money in savings has to be split 5 ways. I am now in poverty. I've lost everything I've worked all my life for. I no longer have peace of mind.

You tell me why the step parent should not inherit totally?

Move to France; step-kids get 5/8ths of fuck all.
That would keep all the 'happily blended' families happy

My cousins got nothing following the death of their DM. Their step-father inherited everything (married for around 10 years). My aunt had a substantial divorce settlement, and had a lot of family jewellery, sentimental items relating to cousins but also quite a lot my grandmother's possessions. Cousins were told by SF that they would inherit from maternal grandmother and so they couldn't have anything.

It was very unpleasant, but their mums wishes were clear - everything was left to SF.

Exactly this. “Step” parenting is just the unfortunate result of being in the wrong relationship the first time around.

My DP has an adult son. He’s already told him that he won’t be inheriting from him, as his new life is with me now. DP hasn’t brought much wealth to our relationship as he spent every penny he earned on his ex wife and putting their son through private schooling. I’m a bit younger than DP, and ideally we would like to start our own family.

If something were to happen to DP, he wants anything we’ve built together to be mine. It wouldn’t be very fair for me to have to give up half our life to his son from another marriage (who has his own wife and house in an expensive part of the country, where his wife’s family is from - they’re not short of cash) while I struggled on alone, potentially with our child. His son will inherit the old family home from his mother anyway.

There are certain categories of people (and ONLY certain categories) who have the right to contest a will. It doesn’t matter how good your solicitor was, certain people CAN contest a perfectly valid will and win. It’s as simple as that.

A will merely needs to be signed and witnessed to be valid. You don’t even need a solicitor, it makes no difference to it’s validity.

What's unfair?

Your step-mum is your dad's WIFE. And he clearly intended the money to go to her, perhaps because she doesn't have a great pension. Perhaps because by the time he dies she'll have cared for him for 30 years. It's his call, not yours.

My df died intestate but my dm eventually inherited everything, as she should have. She cooked and cleaned for him for 45 years, it was her money. None of his children would have dreamed of challenging that.

I think it’s only fair that the wife inherits. But I also believe that when she dies, in most circumstances what’s left should then be passed to the kids (her own children and her step children).

Our money (ie mine and DH’s) is OUR money. Our house is OUR house. We both earned it and own it equally. It wasn’t gifted to me because I’m a second wife.

Have you told your dad this?

I think people should be allowed to leave their money wherever they please. The idea that you “should” leave it to anyone is just odd.

In my case I brought 90's of the assets to this marriage as DH left his ex wife with the majority of the marital home which step kids will inherit.

After the next few decades I will also have contributed most of the mortgage and fun money, should I also then give whatever is left to children that I didn't give birth to?

Quite. Especially not stroppy DC who’ve had no relationship with the parent for 30 years.

So much contempt for children and so many people happy to pair up with people who have contempt for their children. Some people just shouldn't have them, especially if they're going to spend their lives thinking it's the kids who owe them.

It’s not about entitlement to money, but to what that money represents in terms of love.

If you want to carve up your estate in any way that is financially unequal, it is worth thinking about how that feels. If there are good reasons, then think about how that is communicated.

My mother left a much, much higher share of her assets to my sister because I'd "brought shame on her" by getting divorced - nothing I could do about it.
My sister happily took it and never offered me a penny.

Exactly.

It's the last thing you can do for your family, your last unanswerable message to them from beyond the grave. If you want that message to your children to be "you didn't meet the conditions I set as a parent" then you can choose that, but damn, don't expect admiration in your legacy for it. Even if my relationship with my children somehow fell apart - and I can't see any way that would happen without me somehow being at least partly responsible for it - I am their parent and my job is never to abandon them, not even in death. They can hate me but I won't let my last message to them be that. And I can't imagine loving anyone who felt it should be, even if we didn't approve of everything they'd ever done.

you didn't meet the conditions I set as a parent"

As a result of my mother's actions, I removed every trace of her - Threw away every picture and gift she'd ever given me and I don't mark the date of anything to do with her

I was a sole beneficiary, my siblings written out.

Mum left a letter explaining 3 valid reasons why (all around lack of care they had shown her as she aged) but they found out about this before mums death but after she had become very ill, they set about making her life a living hell before she died in a failed attempt to have the Will changed.
This was then contested and if they'd kept this on for a little longer, i would have caved in to their demands, it was extremely stressful.

They were beyond evil what they did to her, even the Hospital had a safeguarding plan in place to try and keep them away.

However, it may have been better had Mum left them even a small amount.

I have had no contact with any of them for many years and never will, they can never apologise to my Mum.

This is the same situation my mum is in, when she married my dad he had left 90% of the marital home to his ex wife and children.

Both my parents financially supported them - my half siblings - well into adulthood. That's absolutely what my dad should have done but my mum had no obligation to spend her money on them. My dad was in his 80s and developed Alzheimer's before he stopped giving my half sister money every month.

And yet when he became ill they made very little effort with him. My half sister visited us from abroad and didn't even speak to him when she came over. Before she went home she posted all over Facebook how she was glad to spend that time with him 🙄 when he went into a care home, and later died, it was the same. My mum and I did everything.

They held a huge amount of resentment towards my mum and me (even though my mum was never the OW) and their mum encouraged this.

After dad died, my mum downsized and gave them several thousands each. They didn't even say thank you! She sold some of dad's old possessions and would have given them more if they had. Since she gave them money, they have made no effort to keep in touch with my mum or myself, all the effort has come from us, messages left unanswered.

Their mum still lives in the marital home which is now worth close to £1 million so when she dies they will inherit a substantial sum each. I am the sole beneficiary of my mum's will, and I will still inherit much less than they will, so no I have no intention of sharing that money with them. Why should I give money to people who have treated me with contempt and disdain my whole life, and didn't make any effort with our dying father? And most importantly, why should I when my dad made provision for them long ago, before I was even born?

If provision isn't made in the will for someone, there's usually a reason for that. Whether or not is "fair" is irrelevant. It's their money to choose what to do with.